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The News Letter, 030522

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Now its time for the show to start !!!!






Mother's Day
-------------

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day
morning.

As she lay there looking forward to being brought breakfast in bed, the
smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

Finally, the children called her to come downstairs. She found them both
sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our
own breakfast."





Beeper
------

After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at
the same time, faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the
crowded parking lot. 

Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle
easily.

"Wow," the woman said. "I sure could use a gadget like that to help me
find my car. Where did you ever find it? Is it attached to your key ring?"

"Actually," I replied, "that's my husband."


OHHHHHH, how I know this feeling



Army Private Jones was filling out a questionnaire for
 an online correspondence course.
He wasn't sure what to put for one of the questions:
"How long has your present employer been in business?"

So he shrugged and put, "Since 1776."





Exercise
--------

Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily, but
my body doesn't let me to do to much, so I have worked out this program
of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.

You are invited to use it without charge...

  01) Beating around the bush
  02) Jumping to conclusions
  03) Climbing the walls
  04) Swallowing my pride
  05) Passing the buck
  06) Throwing my weight around
  07) Dragging my heels
  08) Pushing my luck
  09) Making Mountains out of molehills
  10) Hitting the nail on the head
  11) Wading through paperwork
  12) Bending over backwards
  13) Jumping on the bandwagon
  14) Balancing the books
  15) Running around in circles
  16) Eating crow
  17) Tooting my own horn
  18) Climbing the ladder of success
  19) Pulling out the stops
  20) Adding fuel to the fire
  21) Opening a can of worms
  22) Putting my foot in my mouth
  23) Starting the ball rolling
  24) Going over the edge
  25) Picking up the pieces Whew! What a workout!

I think I'll exercise my caution now, and sit down...





The reporter was sent out to cover the 100th birthday party of
the oldest resident in town.  During the interview of the
"Birthday Boy" the reporter asked him if he could share any
secrets for reaching the century mark.

The reply was, "Well, I walked every day for the last seventy
five years.  No matter what the weather was like - rain, sun,
sleet, snow, hail, cold - I took a walk every day for the past
seventy five years."

The reporter was a bit puzzled by this high level of dedication
for walking.  He asked the old man why he would walk every day,
in every kind of weather, for seventy five years.  the old man
told him,

"I married my lovely wife over there seventy five years ago on
my birthday.  On our wedding night, we made a pact that if we
had an argument, whoever was wrong would go outside and take a walk."





The Bricklayer

  Someone shared a story with me about a bricklayer who
had an accident on a construction site and had to supply
some additional information to the insurance company as
to why the accident occurred. This was his letter to them:-

  I'm a bricklayer by trade. On the date of the accident
I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story
building.
  When I completed my work, I discovered that I had
about five hundred pounds of bricks left over.
  Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided
to lower them in a barrel (using a pulley that was
fortunately attached to the side of the building at the
sixth floor).
  Once I had secured the rope at the ground level, I
went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded
the bricks into it.
  Then, I went back to the ground and untied the rope,
holding the rope tight to insure a slow descent of the
five hundred pounds of bricks.
  You will note in block #2 of the accident report form
that I stated, I only weighed 135 pounds.
  Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so
suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let
go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather
rapid rate up the side of the building.
  In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel
coming down. This explains the fractured skull and
broken collarbone.
  Slowed down only slightly and continued my rapid
ascent, not stopping until my right hand was two
knuckles deep into the pulley.
  Unfortunately, I had regained my presence of mind and
was able to hold tightly to the rope, inspite of my pain.
  At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of
bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the
barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel
now weighed approximately fifty pounds. I refer you
again to my weight in block #2.
  As you might imagine, I began a rather rapid descent
down the side of the building. Again, in the vicinity of
the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.
  This accounts for my two fractured ankles and the
lacerations of my leg and lower body. This encounter
with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries
when I fell onto the pile of bricks.
  Fortunately, only three of my vertebrae were cracked.
  I'm sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the
pile of bricks, unable to stand or move. Watching the
empty barrel swinging six stories above me. Paralysed in
agony. I again lost my presence of mind and let go of
the rope.
  The empty barrel, now weighing more than the rope.
Came back down and broke both my legs.
  I hope that I have furnished the information that you
require as to how the accident occurred. Of course, if
any more information is needed. I can be reached a the
local hospital. Not like I'm going anywhere soon.

Moral: Never work alone!


No sir, sure don't



What sex are they?


ZIPLOC BAGS
Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see
right through them.

SHOE
Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging
out.

COPIER
Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.

TIRE
Male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON
Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire
under it and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES
Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

SUBWAY
Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS
Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER
Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years,
but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL
Female .. Ha! You thought I'd say male.
 But consider this:
It gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't
always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.



Your suppose ta do that ?



Text Version
 

Good morning/afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for joining me today in honoring the memory of the more than half million Americans in uniform who have given their lives for our country. I would like to ask that you join me for a moment of silence, in remembrance of those military men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom.
 
(Speaker pauses for a moment and bows his head.)
 
For today's soldiers of the United States Army, our mission to defend freedom lives on, strengthened by our eternal memory of American patriots who gave their lives to preserve peace and democracy for future generations.
 
No words can adequately describe the valor of the men and women we honor today.  Thanks to America's noble soldiers, freedom endures.
 
They defended the future of freedom at places like Bunker Hill and Yorktown, Gettysburg and Antietam, the trenches of France, Guadalcanal and Normandy, the Korean peninsula, Vietnam, Kuwait, Afghanistan and Iraq.
 
As we pay homage to our nation's fallen soldiers, let us reaffirm our national commitment of keeping the freedom torch burning for tomorrow. Let us support the American soldiers who are defending freedom as we speak. In places like Afghanistan and Iraq, our troops are putting their lives on the line to protect our freedom and liberate people from oppressive regimes.
 
That's why your attendance at this Memorial Day ceremony is important. It sends a clear signal that America stands united behind our Armed Forces, just as we have in the past, just as we will in the future. It says that you care enough about this country to take a moment of remembrance.
 
To be sure, it's sometimes easy to forget the significance and symbolism of Memorial Day when the All-American traditions of summer are beckoning. After all, who can resist a day off from work, a picnic in the park, a dip in the ocean or pool, or hamburgers, hot dogs and apple pie?
 
But the fact remains that Memorial Day is more than a holiday - it is a day when our nation should express gratitude to the soldiers who give real meaning to the phrase "All-American." Sadly, the unprovoked terrorist attack on America on September 11, 2001, was a reminder that we must never take our bountiful blessings or our freedom for granted.
 
In the years to come, I hope that even more Americans will join us for ceremonies like this. We owe it to our friends, neighbors and loved ones who died defending liberty and justice.
 
For more than 200 years, Americans have distinguished themselves on the battlefields for freedom. In places far from American soil, men and women, representing every race, religion and creed of this diverse American melting pot, have willingly donned an American military uniform and defended this country. And they all knew the risk.
 
But they did not let their fear of risks overcome their mission. As Adlai Stevenson, former Illinois governor and presidential hopeful, once said, "Men who offer their lives for their country know that patriotism is not the fear of something; it is the love of something."
 
The Americans we honor today loved the ideals and values upon which this nation was founded. I am proud to say that the soldiers of today's Army continue to live those values, values like loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity and personal courage.
 
The exemplary conduct of our soldiers in Operation Iraqi Freedom demonstrates their commitment to these enduring values as they restore liberty and human dignity to those who suffered under the oppressive regime of Saddam Hussein. Often, they put their own lives at risk to protect the lives of innocent Iraqis and avoid civilian casualties.
 
This was the case on April 3, when three Army soldiers, all still in their early to mid twenties, made a brave attempt to help a pregnant Iraqi woman. Captain Russell Rippetoe (Rip-pa-toe), Staff Sergeant Nino Livaudais
(Liv-a-day) and Specialist Ryan Long manned a Special Operations checkpoint in Western Iraq when a pregnant woman stepped out of a car and shouted for help. As the soldiers approached, the car exploded, taking the lives of the pregnant woman, the car's driver and all three soldiers in a homicide bombing attack.
 
These soldiers knew that they were vulnerable to terrorist attacks while serving at the checkpoint. These men of great character and strength put aside their own safety to help a pregnant woman - and made the ultimate sacrifice for their selfless act of kindness. They lost their lives trying to help civilians, but their heroism will continue to inspire soldiers now and in the future.
 
But for every heroic story the American public sees or hears there are thousands more. How many Americans, for example, have heard or read about Operation Anaconda? And if they have, how many Americans really know what transpired those two weeks in March of 2002, in the mountains of Afghanistan?
 
It is a story of sacrifice and honor that should also be remembered.
 
Hundreds of soldiers from the Army's 10th Mountain Division, 101st Airborne Division and Special Forces battled thousands of Al Qaeda in the Shiai Kot (Shah Cot) Valley, a region eight to twelve thousand feet above sea level. The soldiers braved rugged conditions and frigid weather in a region where Alexander the Great, the British Empire and the Soviet Union suffered defeat.
 
It is a region where eight brave U.S. servicemen lost their lives to protect the future of freedom. Their names were Harriman, Crose (Crows), Anderson, Commons, Chapman, Cunningham, Roberts and Svitak (Sa-vi-tack).
 
They were men between the ages of 21 and 36 - men in the prime of their lives - sons, husbands and fathers. They risked everything they cared about in life. They gave their today for our tomorrow.
 
I've shared with you two heroic stories of soldiers who lost their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan. Let us pause for a moment of silence as we remember their names and all Americans who have died for their country.
 
(PAUSE)
 
Today, thousands of U.S. servicemen and women remain in Afghanistan, Iraq, Southwest Asia, Bosnia and over 120 countries around the world, where the mission to stamp out terrorism and inhumane atrocities continues, supported by the resolve of the American people.
 
Your support of our soldiers is one of the most powerful weapons in the war against terrorism. In addition to honoring the memory of those who gave their lives for this country, I urge you to reach out to their families, to our living veterans and to the service men and women who continue to defend our freedom.
 
We can do more, just as Theresa Davis has. Her personal efforts are chronicled in Andrew Carroll's book, "War Letters."
 
More than 30 years after his death, she left her first-born son, Richard, a letter at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. Richard, a member of the U.S. Army's Special Forces, was killed near the Cambodian border during the Vietnam War. She wrote:
 
"I will always miss you ... You're gone forever ... Every Monday night, a group of us go to the homeless shelter for Vietnam Vets ... We try to give them support (and) talk to them like a mother would talk to a son ... We also go to the Vietnam Memorial whenever we can. We can tell when one of the vets is having a hard time. Even now, so many of them feel guilty because they came home and our sons didn't. We give them a hug, and tell them it's not their fault; we're glad they're home. Dick, I'm sure wherever you are up there, you approve of what I'm doing. You were such a people person; always trying to help someone ... I know I will never hold you in my arms again. But I will forever hold you close to my heart because you will always be my firstborn - my shining star."
 
Mrs. Davis had a message for all of us. Hold our fallen soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines close to your heart. Share an act of kindness with the men and women who have, or who continue to, serve their country.
 
The words that adorn the entrance to Arlington National Cemetery, where some of our heroes are interred, also speak volumes about the bravery and valor of the men and women who risked their lives for our nation.
 
"Not for fame or reward, not for place or rank, not lured by ambition or goaded by necessity, but in simple obedience to duty as they understood it, these men suffered all, sacrificed all, dared all and died."
 
May the men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our country live forever in our memories. And may we honor them by doing everything we can to protect freedom for future generations, whenever, and wherever, it is threatened.
 
God bless you and God bless America.
 
(END OF SPEECH)
 

THE SPECIAL EVENTS SPEECH SERIES, a command information product of Army Public Affairs, consists of prepared speeches for holidays and events of special interest to Army audiences and the general public. Regular speeches in this series cover Armed Forces Day, Memorial Day, Army Birthday/Flag Day, Independence Day and Veterans Day.
 
We encourage speakers to adapt these speeches as needed for local and timely use.
 
We invite Army newspaper editors to publish the speeches as part of command information print coverage of the observances. We also invite non-governmental newspaper, magazine and newsletter editors to publish them. The speeches in this series are in the public domain and may be reproduced without obtaining copyright permission.
 
We welcome your comments and suggestions. Phone or FAX us as follows: DSN phone 656-4567; commercial phone (703) 806-4567; DSN FAX 656-4566; commercial FAX (703) 806-4566. E-mail editorial comments to: Beth_A_Reece@belvoir.army.mil






I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin,
the Lord's prayer.

For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines
from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as
she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. ....Amen."






Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too
swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary
and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank
piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded
to make five "blank" copies.


Only so that the woman can feel 
like the queen do we do this !



I walked into a pizza place down the street from where I use to live
in Hayward.  I was with a friend and we could not decide what kind of
pizza we wanted.  We decided to get a half of one kind and half another.
   "Give us a large vegetarian pizza, but put pepperoni on half."
   The guy behind the counter VERY straight-faced and quite seriously
asked, "Which half would you like the pepperoni on?"
   Without missing a beat, I said, "The right half!"
   He wrote "Pepperoni on the right half" on the tag and handed it to
the guy who makes the pizzas.  That guy smiled a bit and proceeded to
make us our pizza.
   About 20 minutes later, they called my name.  When I went to pick up
the pizza, I noticed that it was sitting so that the pepperoni was to my
right, but the counter person's left.  I could not resist.  I said,
"Hey, I wanted the pepperoni on the right side not the left side!"
   This taught me not to be such a smart ass in the future.  The clerk,
looking worried, grabbed the pizza, and tossed it into the trash saying,
"Damn, I'm sorry, they must have made a mistake.  We will make you
another one right now!"
   20 minutes later, I kept quiet and ate the pizza!  My friend and I
did laugh about it for quite some time.  Especially when the clerk gave
us each a free beer and said he was sorry for the mistake and sorry we had to wait!





& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed !

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Note the link goes back to MSA where I get a lot of my scripts at now.


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thanks, David 1







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