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The News Letter, 030404

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Dear Yahoo!

Why does fruit ripen perfectly in a brown paper bag?

Eagle Bend, Minnesota

Dear John:

According to MochaSofa, as fruit ripens it releases a natural hormone called ethylene. The paper bag traps this gas close to the fruit, thus ripening it more quickly, while still allowing some ventilation. But be careful -- your peaches and pears can go from rock hard to mush in a few days if you don't monitor them.

To get a little more technical, ethylene triggers the creation of enzymes, which cause starches and acids to break down into sugar. They also break down cell walls, softening the fruit. Fruits ripen in order to kick-start a new growing cycle, by providing their seeds with nutrients.

Certain fruits, apples in particular, produce a great deal of ethylene, so it's important to store them separately from vegetables such as broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, and leafy greens, as these plants can be harmed by the gas. However, you can add an apple to a bag of plums, tomatoes (yes, tomatoes are a fruit), or other fruit to speed up the ripening process.

You'll find a barrel full of fruit and vegetable tips at CooksRecipes.com. For more enlightening kitchen trivia, we recommend the Exploratorium's Science of Cooking. We also give a big thumbs-up to a fantastic book by Russ Parsons titled How to Read a French Fry.

I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to
understand how the Indians must have felt when they
first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would
you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your
doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange
language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be
a bit scared?"

"Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my
sister's date."

<> <> <> Mr Funny Bone International

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior
high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace
and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon
three young boys, full of youthful, after-school
enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can
they encountered.

The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise
old man decided it was time to take some action. The next afternoon, he
walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way
down the street. Stopping them, he said,
"You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance
like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age.
Will you do me a favour? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise
to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he
had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big
dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay
you 50 cents to beat on the cans."The noisemakers were obviously
displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued
their afternoon ruckus.

A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they
drummed their way down the street. "Look," he said, "I haven't received
my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you
more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?""A lousy quarter?" the drum
leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating
these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

Bidding for various objects was proceeding furiously,
when the auctioneer suddenly announced,
"A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing
$10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of

There was a moment's silence, and then from the back
of the room came the cry :

"Two Thousand Five Hundred."

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said
she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised,
would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she
was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds. She
phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which
produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation,
however, she
asked one last question:
"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage.
The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no "I" in the word 'marriage.'"'
The wife said, "For my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling."

Driving through Texas a New Yorker collided with a truck pulling a horse trailer. A few months later, the New Yorker was in court trying to collect damages for injuries. "How can you claim damages for injuries," asked the lawyer for the insurance company, "when at the time of the accident, you told the police you were fine?"
The New Yorker replied, "Well, you see, I was lying in the highway in lots of pain when I heard someone say that the horse had a broken leg. The next thing I knew the Texas Ranger who was investigating, took out his pistol and shot the horse. He then turned to me and asked me, 'How are you?' I replied, 'I'm just fine, thanks!' "

Three blondes were all vying for the last available position on the
local California police force. The detective conducting the interview
looked at the three of them and said, "So you all want to be a cop, eh?"
The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file
drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and
withdrew photograph, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to
You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities
such as scars, etc. " So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the
first blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds.
"Now, he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He only has one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of COURSE he only has one eye
in this picture! It's a PROFILE of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in
her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you?
Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?" The blonde
immediately shot back, "Yes! He only has one ear!" The detective put his head
in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just said to the other lady?
This is a PROFILE of the man's face! Of COURSE you can see only one ear!!
You're excused, too!
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the last blonde and said, "This is
probably a waste of time, but....." He flashed the photo in her face
for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right. Did YOU
anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?" The blonde said,
"I did. This man wears contact lenses." The detective frowned,
took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the
papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression
and said,
"You're abso lutely right! His bio says he wears contacts!
How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "DUH! With only one eye
and one ear, he certainly CAN'T WEAR GLASSES!"

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay,
Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable
programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is
too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences:
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems,
their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to
become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a

You Think A Gallon Of Gas Is Expensive? Makes one think,
and puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 . $10.32 per gallon

Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ...... $ 9.52 per gallon

Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ............. $10.17 per gallon

Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ....... $10.00 per gallon

Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 .......... $33.60 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 .......... $178.13 per gallon

Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 ......... $123.20 per gallon

Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 . $25.42 per gallon

Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 . $84.48 per gallon

This is the REAL KICKER......

Evian water 9 oz for $1.49 . $21.19 per gallon.

$21.19 FOR WATER! ....and the buyers don't even know
the source. But then again EVIAN spelled backwards is

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car
doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or God forbid,

Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next
trip to the pump

Thanks Fred for this one I needed it.



(AP) Washington DC 8:00 AM (EST), Thursday, 13 March 2003

President George Bush has made an announcement that we will not attack Iraq.

The President has announced that as of today, he is agreeing to additional inspectors to be deployed throughout the country of Iraq.

We will be sending 250,000 additional inspectors into Iraq.

The additional inspectors will include:

24,000 members of the 1st Infantry Division

18,000 members of the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault)

15,000 members of the 82d Airborne Division

More than 5,000 members of the 4th Armored Division with their M1-A1 All Terrain Vehicles.

Additional U.S. Army personnel, as needed for inspections.

A variety of U.S. Air Force personnel for aerial recon missions and other 'surveillance' activities.

A significant number of U.S. Air Force personnel for aerial recon missions and other 'surveillance' activities.

A significant number of United States Marines to aid with inspections.

United States Coast Guard personnel to inspect coast lines.

An undisclosed number of Rangers, Green Berets, Navy SEALs , Recon Marines, Delta Force, and other Special Operations personnel to inspect Iraqi 'hide aways'.

Special air deliveries to aid the inspections will be made by aircraft from the USS Constellation, USS George Washington, USS Abraham Lincoln and USS Enterprise.

The President stated: "With these additional inspectors, the inspections should be completed in a few weeks."

& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed !

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