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The News Letter, 030308

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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.



Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!


I know I shouldn't Show a Hooter's Calendar here On the "g" reated site, but it is really good & tastefully done.
So if I went to far make sure you tell me so that I never do it again.

Click here to skip to the Calendar




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Gottcha (LOL)


"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an
accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."
               - Jed Babbin  (Former US Under-secretary of Defense)






People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to
harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.



& I bet she wins



Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again



& it really happens at Ryan's, 
just after they throw it out,
I can't believe they did that.



While waiting in the reception room for my first appointment
with a new dentist, I noticed his diploma, which bore his
full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy
with the same name had been in my high school class some 45
years ago.
 
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any thought
that he might have been my classmate. This balding,
gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was much too
old to have gone to school with me.
 
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended
the local high school. "Yes," he replied.
 
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
 
He answered, "1957."
 
"Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.
 
He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"





A MESSAGE FROM ENGLAND

No matter what your views on President Bush's
statement of upcoming war, this, from an English
journalist, is very interesting. Just a word of
background for those of you who aren't familiar with
the UK's Daily Mirror. This is a notoriously
left-wing daily that is normally not supportive of the
Colonials across the Atlantic.

Tony Parsons ... Daily Mirror ... September 11, 2002

One year ago, the world witnessed a unique kind of
broadcasting -- the mass murder of thousands, live on
television. As a lesson in the pitiless cruelty of
the human race, September 11 was up there with Pol
Pot's Mountain of Skulls in Cambodia, or the skeletal
bodies stacked like garbage in the Nazi concentration
camps.

An unspeakable act so cruel, so calculated and so
utterly merciless that surely the world could agree on
one thing - nobody deserves this fate. Surely there
could be consensus: The victims were truly innocent,
the perpetrators truly evil.

But to the world's eternal shame, 9/11 is increasingly
seen as America's comeuppance. Incredibly,
anti-Americanism has increased over the last year.

There has always been a simmering resentment to the
USA in this country; too loud, too rich, too full of
themselves, and so much happier than Europeans -- but
it has become an epidemic. And it seems incredible to
me. More than that, it turns my stomach.

America is this country's greatest friend and our
staunchest ally. We are bonded to the US by culture,
language and blood. A little over half a century ago,
around half a million Americans died for our freedoms,
as well as their own. Have we forgotten so soon? And
exactly a year ago, thousands of ordinary men, women
and children -- not just Americans, but from dozens of
countries -- were butchered by a small group of
religious fanatics. Are we so quick to betray them?

What touched the heart about those who died in the
Twin Towers and on the planes, was that we recognized
them. Young fathers and mothers, somebody's son and
somebody's daughter, husbands, wives, and children,
some unborn.

And these people brought it on themselves? Their
nation is to blame for their meticulously planned
slaughter?

These days you don't have to be some dust-encrusted
nut job in Kabul or Karachi or Finsbury Park to see
America as the Great Satan. The anti-American
alliance is made up of self-loathing liberals who
blame the Americans for every ill in the Third World,
and conservatives suffering from power-envy, bitter
that the world's only superpower can do what it likes
without having to ask permission.

The truth is that America has behaved with enormous
restraint since September 11.

Remember ... remember ... remember ... the
gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men phoning their wives
to say, "I love you," before they were burned alive.

Remember those people leaping to their deaths from the
top of burning skyscrapers. Remember the hundreds of
firemen buried alive.

Remember the smiling face of that beautiful little
girl who was on one of the planes with her mum.

Remember ... remember ...

And realize that America has never retaliated for 9/11
in anything like the way it could have.

So a few al-Qaeda tourists got locked up without a
trial in Camp X-ray? Pass the Kleenex ...

So some Afghan wedding receptions were shot up after
they merrily fired their semi-automatics in a sky full
of American planes? A shame, but maybe next time they
should stick to confetti.

AMERICA could have turned a large chunk of the world
into a parking lot. That it didn't is a sign of
strength. American voices are already being raised
against attacking Iraq -- that's what a democracy is
for. How many in the Islamic world will have a
minute's silence for the slaughtered innocents of
9/11? How many Islamic leaders will have the guts to
say that the mass murder of 9/11 was an abomination?

When the news of 9/11 broke on the West Bank, those
freedom-loving Palestinians were dancing in the
street. America watched all of that -- and didn't
push the button. We should thank the stars that
America is the most powerful nation in the world. I
still find it incredible that 9/11 did not provoke
all-out war. Not a "war on terrorism." A real war.

The fundamentalist dudes are talking about "opening
the gates of hell" if America attacks Iraq. Well,
America could have opened the gates of hell like you
wouldn't believe.

The US is the most militarily powerful nation that
ever strode the face of the earth. The campaign in
Afghanistan may have been less than perfect and the
planned war on Iraq may be misconceived.

But don't blame America for not bringing peace and
light to these wretched countries. How many
democracies are there in the Middle East, or in the
Muslim world? You can count them on the fingers of
one hand -- assuming you haven't had any chopped off
for minor shoplifting.

I love America, yet America is hated. I guess that
makes me Bush's poodle.

But I would rather be a dog in New York City than a
Prince in Riyadh. Above all, America is hated because
it is what every country wants to be -- rich, free,
strong, open, optimistic. Not ground down by the
past, or religion, or some caste system. America is
the best friend this country ever had and we should
start remembering that.

Or do you really think the USA is the root of all
evil? Tell it to the loved ones of the men and women
who leaped to their death from the burning towers.

Tell it to the nursing mothers whose husbands died on
one of the hijacked planes, or were ripped apart in a
collapsing skyscraper. And tell it to the hundreds of young widows whose husbands worked for the New York Fire Department.


I did verify this story & here is the link to the story

Click here for the story on their site. & here it is written out incase my link don't work

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/allnews/page.cfm?objectid=12188969&method=full&siteid=50143





Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention
Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:
 
I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that
there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before
I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail
in the trashcan under the table, and notice that the trashcan is full.
 
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash
first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I
take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
 
I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check
left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk
where I find the bottle of soda that I had been drinking.
 
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the soda
aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the soda is
getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep
it cold.
 
As I head toward the kitchen with the soda, a vase of flowers on the
counter catches my eye-they need to be watered. I set the soda down on
the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching
for all morning.
 
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to
water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a
container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it
on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, we
will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on
the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it
belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
 
I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe
up the spill.
 
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
 
At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid,
there is a warm bottle of soda sitting on the counter, the flowers
aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't
find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I
did with the car keys.
 
Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really
baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I
realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for
it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

from:  Bob

The most comprehensive humor archive.
100's of Jokes, 1000's of JPG's/GIF's, 
Sound clips, Video Clips and PARODY SONGS

http://www.bwjokes.com


sign up for the bwjokes list at:
bwjokes-subscribe@yahoogroups.com






A Tale of Two Billionaires ...

http://website.lineone.net/~mystacy/Jokes/osama/osamabillionaires.html

Two men, both billionaires.

One develops relatively cheap software and gives hundreds of
millions of dollars to charity.

The other sponsors terrorism.

That being the case, why is it that the US government has
spent more time and money chasing down Bill Gates over the
past ten years than Osama bin Laden?"





Haunting Memories Of Osama

http://website.lineone.net/~mystacy/Jokes/osama/osama.html

My friend is in the Air National Guard and I received
this forwarded e-mail from him:

You know, it's funny!  I remember very vividly the
Oliver North hearings, but did not recall the name of
Osama bin Laden as the terrorist that North was
threatened by.  Has this slime ball been around that
long?  It's pretty evident, in hindsight that we should
have listened to Ollie!

I was at the UNC lecture the other day where they played
a video of Oliver North during the Iran-Contra deals
during the Reagan administration.  I was surprised by
this particular clip.

There was Ollie in front of God and Country getting the
third degree.  But what he said stunned me.  He was
being drilled by some senator who asked him;
"Did you not recently spend close to $60,000 for a home
security system?"
Oliver replied, "Yes I did sir."
The senator continued, trying to get a laugh out of the
audience, "Isn't this just a little excessive?"
"No sir," continued Oliver.
"No. And why not?"
"Because the life of my family and I were threatened."
"Threatened?  By who?"
"By a terrorist, sir."
"Terrorist?  What terrorist could possibly scare you
that much?"
"His name is Osama bin Laden."

At this point the senator tried to repeat the name, but
couldn't pronounce it, which most people back then
probably couldn't.  A couple of people laughed at the
attempt.  Then the senator continued. "Why are you so
afraid of this man?"
"Because sir, he is the most evil person alive that I
know of."
"And what do you recommend we do about him?"
"If it were me I would recommend an assassin team be
formed to eliminate him and his men from the face of the
earth."
The senator disagreed with this approach and that was
all they showed of the clip.

It's scary when you think 15 years ago the government
was aware of Osama bin Laden and his potential threat to
the security of the world.  I guess like all great
tyrants they start small but if left unattended spread
like the virus they truly are.


Thanks Fred for this one.
Hey folks this is the one 
I reffered to in a previous issue.


Think you know everything ?


1.  Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
2.  Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
3.  There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
4.  The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
5.  The shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
6.  There are more chickens than people in the world.
7.  Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
8.  The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
9.  On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
10.  All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
11.  No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
12.  "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
13.  All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
14.  Almonds are a member of the peach family.
15.  Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
16.  Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
17.  There are only four words in the English language that end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
18.  Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"
19.  A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
20.  An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
21.  Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
22.  In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
23.  Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
24.  The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
25.  A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
26.  A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27.  A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
28.  It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
29.  The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
30.  In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
31.  The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
32.  Mr.  Rogers is an ordained minister.
33.  The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
34.  There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
35.  "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.






He's coming

A husband and wife were playing golf on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack.

"Please dear, I need some help" she said.

The husband ran off saying "I'll go get help".

A little while late he returned, picked up his club and began to line up his shot on the green. His wife, still on the ground, raised up her head and asked "I may be dying and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he would come and help." "The second hole?" she replied "When is he coming?" "Hey! I told you not to worry." he said, practice stroking his putt. "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through."



So is this a bad time to 
tell the dork NO (LOL)



Humorous Quotes about getting older

"Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative."
- Maurice Chevalier

"You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
- Bob Hope

"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."
- Bob Hope

"I have everything I had twenty years ago - except that it is now all lower."
- Gypsy Rose Lee

"The longer I live, the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time."
- George Bernard Shaw

"At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgement. "
- Benjamin Franklin

"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it."
- Golda Meir

"The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."
- H. L. Mencken

"The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
- Lucille Ball

"You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Ogden Nash

"Just say, 'I'm not 40, I'm 18 with 22 years experience.'"
- Unknown

"Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed."
- Charles Schultz

"It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen."
- Brigitte Bardot

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."
- Mark Twain
~~LYNN~~
www.bikerlynn.com






Bob and Jim were getting ready for the company awards dinner for the best salesman. Bob was in the running to win an award that evening and wanted to make sure he looked his best when he claimed his prize. He felt luck was with him and was sure to win. He stood in front of the mirror to fix his tie but the mirror was crooked, so he reached over to straighten it out and it came crashing down on the floor.

"Oh no," said Bob. "Now I am going to have seven years bad luck."

"Nonsense," said Jim. My uncle once broke a mirror and he didn't have seven years bad luck."

"Really?" said Bob, feeling much better knowing that.

"Yeah really," said Jim. "He died that day."





I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to
understand how the Indians must have felt when they
first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would
you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your
doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange
language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be
a bit scared?"

"Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my
sister's date."


NOW this feeling I know all to well



& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed !

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Note the link goes back to MSA where I get a lot of my scripts at now.


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thanks, David 1







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