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The News Letter, 030308
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now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
I know I shouldn't Show a Hooter's Calendar here On the "g" reated site, but
it is really good & tastefully done.
So if I went to far make sure you
tell me so that I never do it again.
Click here to skip to the Calendar
"Going to war without France is like going deer
hunting without an
accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy
- Jed Babbin (Former US Under-secretary of
People are more violently opposed to fur than to
leather because it's safer to
harass rich women than motorcycle
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing
While waiting in the reception room for my first appointment
with a new
dentist, I noticed his diploma, which bore his
full name. Suddenly, I
remembered that a tall, handsome boy
with the same name had been in my high
school class some 45
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly
discarded any thought
that he might have been my classmate. This
gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was much too
have gone to school with me.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if
he had attended
the local high school. "Yes," he replied.
you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "1957."
"Why, you were in
my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked, "What
did you teach?"
A MESSAGE FROM ENGLAND
No matter what your views on President
statement of upcoming war, this, from an English
very interesting. Just a word of
background for those of you who aren't
the UK's Daily Mirror. This is a notoriously
that is normally not supportive of the
Colonials across the
Tony Parsons ... Daily Mirror ... September 11, 2002
year ago, the world witnessed a unique kind of
broadcasting -- the mass
murder of thousands, live on
television. As a lesson in the pitiless cruelty
the human race, September 11 was up there with Pol
Pot's Mountain of
Skulls in Cambodia, or the skeletal
bodies stacked like garbage in the Nazi
An unspeakable act so cruel, so calculated and
utterly merciless that surely the world could agree on
one thing -
nobody deserves this fate. Surely there
could be consensus: The victims were
the perpetrators truly evil.
But to the world's
eternal shame, 9/11 is increasingly
seen as America's comeuppance.
anti-Americanism has increased over the last year.
has always been a simmering resentment to the
USA in this country; too loud,
too rich, too full of
themselves, and so much happier than Europeans --
it has become an epidemic. And it seems incredible to
me. More than
that, it turns my stomach.
America is this country's greatest friend and
staunchest ally. We are bonded to the US by culture,
blood. A little over half a century ago,
around half a million Americans died
for our freedoms,
as well as their own. Have we forgotten so soon?
exactly a year ago, thousands of ordinary men, women
and children --
not just Americans, but from dozens of
countries -- were butchered by a small
religious fanatics. Are we so quick to betray them?
touched the heart about those who died in the
Twin Towers and on the planes,
was that we recognized
them. Young fathers and mothers, somebody's son
somebody's daughter, husbands, wives, and children,
And these people brought it on themselves? Their
nation is to
blame for their meticulously planned
These days you don't
have to be some dust-encrusted
nut job in Kabul or Karachi or Finsbury Park
America as the Great Satan. The anti-American
alliance is made up
of self-loathing liberals who
blame the Americans for every ill in the Third
and conservatives suffering from power-envy, bitter
world's only superpower can do what it likes
without having to ask
The truth is that America has behaved with
restraint since September 11.
Remember ... remember ...
remember ... the
gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men phoning their wives
say, "I love you," before they were burned alive.
Remember those people
leaping to their deaths from the
top of burning skyscrapers. Remember the
firemen buried alive.
Remember the smiling face of that
girl who was on one of the planes with her
Remember ... remember ...
And realize that America has never
retaliated for 9/11
in anything like the way it could have.
So a few
al-Qaeda tourists got locked up without a
trial in Camp X-ray? Pass the
So some Afghan wedding receptions were shot up after
merrily fired their semi-automatics in a sky full
of American planes? A
shame, but maybe next time they
should stick to confetti.
could have turned a large chunk of the world
into a parking lot. That it
didn't is a sign of
strength. American voices are already being
against attacking Iraq -- that's what a democracy is
for. How many
in the Islamic world will have a
minute's silence for the slaughtered
9/11? How many Islamic leaders will have the guts to
the mass murder of 9/11 was an abomination?
When the news of 9/11 broke
on the West Bank, those
freedom-loving Palestinians were dancing in
street. America watched all of that -- and didn't
push the button. We
should thank the stars that
America is the most powerful nation in the world.
still find it incredible that 9/11 did not provoke
all-out war. Not a
"war on terrorism." A real war.
The fundamentalist dudes are talking
the gates of hell" if America attacks Iraq. Well,
could have opened the gates of hell like you
is the most militarily powerful nation that
ever strode the face of the
earth. The campaign in
Afghanistan may have been less than perfect and
planned war on Iraq may be misconceived.
But don't blame America
for not bringing peace and
light to these wretched countries. How
democracies are there in the Middle East, or in the
Muslim world? You
can count them on the fingers of
one hand -- assuming you haven't had any
for minor shoplifting.
I love America, yet America is
hated. I guess that
makes me Bush's poodle.
But I would rather be a
dog in New York City than a
Prince in Riyadh. Above all, America is hated
it is what every country wants to be -- rich, free,
optimistic. Not ground down by the
past, or religion, or some caste system.
the best friend this country ever had and we should
Or do you really think the USA is the root of
evil? Tell it to the loved ones of the men and women
who leaped to
their death from the burning towers.
Tell it to the nursing mothers whose
husbands died on
one of the hijacked planes, or were ripped apart in
collapsing skyscraper. And tell it to the hundreds of young widows whose
husbands worked for the New York Fire Department.
I did verify this story & here is the link to the story
Click here for the story on their site. & here it is written out incase my link don't work
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age
Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:
I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the
garage, I notice that
there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through
the mail before
I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the
in the trashcan under the table, and notice that the trashcan is
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table
and take out the trash
first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near
the mailbox when I
take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills
I take my checkbook off the table, and see that
there is only one check
left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so
I go to my desk
where I find the bottle of soda that I had been
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I
need to push the soda
aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see
that the soda is
getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the
refrigerator to keep
As I head toward the kitchen with the soda, a
vase of flowers on the
counter catches my eye-they need to be watered. I set
the soda down on
the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've
for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but
first I'm going to
water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the
counter, fill a
container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote.
Someone left it
on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to
watch TV, we
will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that
the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where
belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I splash some water on the flowers, but most of
it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some
towels and wipe
up the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember
what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the
bills aren't paid,
there is a warm bottle of soda sitting on the counter, the
aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I
find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what
did with the car keys.
Then when I try to figure out why nothing got
done today, I'm really
baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and
I'm really tired. I
realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get
some help for
it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
The most comprehensive humor archive.
100's of Jokes, 1000's of
Sound clips, Video Clips and PARODY SONGS
sign up for
the bwjokes list at:
A Tale of Two Billionaires ...
men, both billionaires.
One develops relatively cheap software and gives
millions of dollars to charity.
The other sponsors
That being the case, why is it that the US government
spent more time and money chasing down Bill Gates over the
years than Osama bin Laden?"
Haunting Memories Of Osama
friend is in the Air National Guard and I received
this forwarded e-mail from
You know, it's funny! I remember very vividly the
hearings, but did not recall the name of
Osama bin Laden as the terrorist
that North was
threatened by. Has this slime ball been around that
long? It's pretty evident, in hindsight that we should
have listened to
I was at the UNC lecture the other day where they played
video of Oliver North during the Iran-Contra deals
during the Reagan
administration. I was surprised by
this particular clip.
Ollie in front of God and Country getting the
third degree. But what he
said stunned me. He was
being drilled by some senator who asked
"Did you not recently spend close to $60,000 for a home
Oliver replied, "Yes I did sir."
The senator continued, trying to
get a laugh out of the
audience, "Isn't this just a little
"No sir," continued Oliver.
"No. And why not?"
life of my family and I were threatened."
"Threatened? By who?"
"Terrorist? What terrorist could possibly scare you
"His name is Osama bin Laden."
At this point the
senator tried to repeat the name, but
couldn't pronounce it, which most
people back then
probably couldn't. A couple of people laughed at the
attempt. Then the senator continued. "Why are you so
afraid of this
"Because sir, he is the most evil person alive that I
"And what do you recommend we do about him?"
"If it were me I would
recommend an assassin team be
formed to eliminate him and his men from the
face of the
The senator disagreed with this approach and that was
all they showed of the clip.
It's scary when you think 15 years ago
was aware of Osama bin Laden and his potential threat to
the security of the world. I guess like all great
tyrants they start
small but if left unattended spread
like the virus they truly are.
Think you know everything ?
1. Rubber bands last longer when
2. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
4. The average person's left
hand does 56% of the typing.
5. The shark is the only fish that can blink
with both eyes.
6. There are more chickens than people in the world.
Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
8. The longest
one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
9. On a Canadian
two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American
10. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on
11. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver,
12. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters
13. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on
the back of the $5 bill.
14. Almonds are a member of the peach
15. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a
16. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
There are only four words in the English language that end in "dous":
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
18. Los Angeles' full
name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de
19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
20. An ostrich's eye
is bigger than its brain.
21. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped
22. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is
23. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture
24. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after
Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful
25. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
26. A goldfish has a
memory span of three seconds.
27. A dime has 118 ridges around the
28. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
29. The giant
squid has the largest eyes in the world.
30. In England, the Speaker of the
House is not allowed to speak.
31. The microwave was invented after a
researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his
32. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
33. The average person
falls asleep in seven minutes.
34. There are 336 dimples on a regulation
35. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only
the left hand.
and wife were playing golf on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart
"Please dear, I need some help" she said.
ran off saying "I'll go get help".
A little while late he returned,
picked up his club and began to line up his shot on the green. His wife, still
on the ground, raised up her head and asked "I may be dying and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he would
come and help." "The second hole?" she replied "When is he coming?" "Hey! I told
you not to worry." he said, practice stroking his putt. "Everyone's already
agreed to let him play through."
Humorous Quotes about getting older
"Old age is not so bad when you consider the
- Maurice Chevalier
"You know you are getting old when
the candles cost more than the cake."
- Bob Hope
"Middle age is when
your age starts to show around your middle."
- Bob Hope
everything I had twenty years ago - except that it is now all lower."
"The longer I live, the more I see that I am never wrong about
anything, and that all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my notions
have only wasted my time."
- George Bernard Shaw
"At 20 years of age
the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgement. "
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are
aboard there is nothing you can do about it."
- Golda Meir
I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."
H. L. Mencken
"The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat
slowly, and lie about your age."
- Lucille Ball
"You are only young
once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Ogden Nash
'I'm not 40, I'm 18 with 22 years experience.'"
remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed."
"It's sad to grow old, but nice to ripen."
"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."
Bob and Jim were getting ready for the company awards dinner for the best
salesman. Bob was in the running to win an award that evening and wanted to make
sure he looked his best when he claimed his prize. He felt luck was with him and
was sure to win. He stood in front of the mirror to fix his tie but the mirror
was crooked, so he reached over to straighten it out and it came crashing down
on the floor.
"Oh no," said Bob. "Now I am going to have seven years bad
"Nonsense," said Jim. My uncle once broke a mirror and he didn't
have seven years bad luck."
"Really?" said Bob, feeling much better
"Yeah really," said Jim. "He died that day."
I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to
understand how the
Indians must have felt when they
first encountered the Spanish explorers.
you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your
looked very different, spoke a strange
language and wore unusual clothes?
Wouldn't you be
a bit scared?"
"Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just
figure it was my
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed !
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Note the link goes back to MSA where I get a lot of my scripts at now.
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thanks, David 1
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