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Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!

When the job stress gets too much to handle, many workers
reach for a little corporate humor to brighten their day --
and the 21st century way to do it is through an e-mail joke.
One of the newest and most irreverent offerings of workplace
humor on the Web is passitaroundatwork.com, a free site
launched by AmericanGreetings.com. Charlie Fink of
AmericanGreetings.com, says e-mail humor is replacing the
three-martini lunch of the '80s and the Friday flu of the
'90s as a coping strategy. "Poking fun at the corporate
culture offers a healthy way to let off steam and foster
camaraderie," he said.


Disney has shelled out $1.5 million for book and TV rights
to the nine men who were rescued from a flooded Pennsylvania
coal mine. Disney-owned ABC begins work immediately on the
made-for-TV feature to be aired next season while Hyperion
Publishing, also a Disney company, takes over book rights.
The miners -- who have become known as the Quecreek Nine --
agreed to work together rather than sell their stories sep-
arately. The miners reportedly received more than 120 offers
for their story rights.


A developer says he's trying to buy the 155-acre Elvis
Presley Ranch just down the road from Graceland and turn
it into an Elvis-inspired resort. J.D. Stacy of Atlanta
said he envisions a place where fans could gather for
conventions, do the things Elvis did and spend their
honeymoon -- just like the King and Priscilla did.
Stacy wants to buy the ranch in Horn Lake, Miss., from
supermarket tycoon William Floyd McLemore and purchase
650 adjacent acres to develop the resort. Elvis Presley
Enterprises and the King's daughter, Lisa Marie, say not
so fast -- they're not about to issue a license. But
Stacy says his plan does not infringe on the Elvis trade-
mark. Stacy says he's throwing a kickoff party for the
project next week and plans to serve an Elvis favorite --
fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

How To Get Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses

1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry
(immediate results).

2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and
see how long their spirit of charity lasts.

3. Answer every one of their questions with: "What do you
mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved
ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them
to get flustered and leave.

4. Ask them to reconcile Revelation 1 and 22 for the "Alpha &
Omega's" identity (Jesus or God), repeat constantly. You may
have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them,
but this will definitely make them sweat.

5. Excuse yourself from your living room (or wherever)... and
don't come back.

6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone
calls (bookie, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call,
and if they are STILL there, a tearful confession to the police
for the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you.)

7. Pick an oft-repeated word in their lexicon (God, Jesus,
heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If
they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very
even tones, and giggle again.

8. Same as #7, except say "beep" instead of giggling.

9. (Males only) Feign an intense interest in their spiel. Part
way through, begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the
whole nine yards. Make encouraging noises (uh huh, I see...)
throughout, and if they ask you what you're doing, pull a # 7.
If they're still there when you are done, Ask them if they
would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten

10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God

Rules for Stray Cats

1.  Stray cats will not be fed.
2.  Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food.
3.  Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food
        moistened with a little milk.
4.  Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food
        moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover
        fish scraps.
5.  Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their
          permanent residence.
6.  Stray cats will not be petted, played with, picked up and
        cuddled unnecessarily.
7.  Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up or
        cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.
8.  Stray cats with or without a name, will not be allowed
        inside the house at any time.
9.  Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except at
        certain times.
10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except on
        days ending  in "y".
11. Stray cats allowed inside, will not be permitted to jump up
        on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
12. Stray cats will not be permitted to, jump up on or sharpen
        claws on the really good furniture.
13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture, but must sharpen
          claws on new .99 sisal rope cat scratching post with
          three perches.
14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.
15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece,
          high impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.
16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter
          pan, with a three panel privacy screen and plenty of head
17. Stray cats will sleep outside.
18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.
20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old
21. Stray cats will sleep in the special KittyKomfortBed with
         non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.
22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.
23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except
        at the foot.
24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under
        the covers.
25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under
        the covers,  except at the foot.
26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.
27. Stray cats will not play on the desk, near the computer.
28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk, when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier'puyy-kmm4hb USING IT.

The first thing you want to always make sure is that there
is a flea problem. An easy way to do this is to wear white
flannel socks or booties. Walk through the area that you
suspect has fleas. Look at the socks and see if they are
on it after walking through the area...

Vacuum carpets thoroughly. Pay special attention to the
baseboards. Vacuum furniture, cushions, and any other
place your pet spends time. After vacuuming, remove the
bag and throw it either in the outside garbage can, or put
it in a plastic bag and freeze it before throwing it away.
Freezing any item you suspect has felas will kill the fleas.
Vacuum every day if you can to get on top of the problem...

Bathe your pet in a flea killing product. Make sure it is
one that not only kills fleas, but the eggs also.

Wash all of the bedding where the pet sleeps or has slept.
Advantage or Frontline are vet approved products that inhibit
fleas. Check with a pet supply store or your vet.

Inexpensive talcum powder sprinkled on your pet will keep
the problem under control

A North Carolina man has survived being struck by lightning
for the fourth time.

Mac Stinkstone says the soles of his shoes burned off and his
watch melted during the latest strike. He was working on his
truck at his home when he was hit.

Mr. Stinkstone says he doesn't know why he keeps being hit by

"I've got the worst luck anybody can possibly have, "he said.

Scientists say there's about a one-in-600,000 chance of being
struck by lightning.

Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on
the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years
of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign
in the window saying:

"We make the best violins in Italy."

The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their
window proclaiming: "We make the best violins in the world."

Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying:
"We make the best violins on the block."

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A Texan is bragging to a Rhode Islander. "In Texas," he
drawls, "you can get on a train, ride all day long, and
still be in Texas by nightfall."

"Yeah", replies the Yankee, "We have slow trains in
Rhode Island too."

"Golf has more rules than any other game, because golf
has more cheaters than any other game. -- Bruce Lansky
"On a recent survey, 80 per cent of golfers admitted cheating.
The other 20 percent lied." -- Bruce Lansky
"I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game.
It's called an eraser." -- Arnold Palmer

Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen
better days. As they slid in to a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs
from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from
the table.
The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus.
"No thanks," said Doug. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee."
"I'll have black coffee too," Bill said. "And please make sure
the cup is clean."
The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off
into the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back.
"Two cups of black coffee," she announced. "Which one of you
wanted the clean cup?"

from:  Bob

The most comprehensive humor archive.
100's of Jokes, 1000's of JPG's/GIF's, 
Sound clips, Video Clips and PARODY SONGS


& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed !


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