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The News letter, 020723








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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.



Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!


No Susan, it ain't me !


THE BONEHEAD AWARDS-020721
*****************************

Today we bestow FOUR bonehead awards!


Bonehead award one goes to a Scottish man who had to be rescued by the
coast guard during his attempt to sail the 500 miles from Scotland to
Iceland in a 4 yard long inflatable dinghy.  It was only a few hours
before the dingy and the dinghy started going down.

News.com.au 15-Jul-02
<http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,4710250%5E13762,00.ht
ml>
or
http://shorterlink.com/?BBB2N7


----------------------------------------


Bonehead award two, a "too dumb to be a criminal," bonehead award goes
to an Ontario, Canada woman who tried freeing her boyfriend from jail
by showing up at the jail pretending to be a police officer with
instructions to escort him to another facility, according to police
who say she walked into the jail, not wearing a uniform, but rather
wearing jeans and a shirt.

KOOI radio

Obvious

Bonehead award three, a "marketing as good as it gets," bonehead award
goes to the Arm & Hammer company for putting  "Safe to use around
pets" on the box of their "Unscented Super Scoop ® Cat Litter."

Is this the only good thing about the product that they could come up
with?

Thanks to reader Eric Farthing for finding this one.


---------------------------------

Oh great.  The one time government is efficient ...

Bonehead award four, a "government as good as it gets," bonehead award
goes to UK Customs officials who seized a suspected smuggler's
passport after confiscating his 300,000 cigarettes, 595 pounds of
rolling tobacco, half a kilo of cannabis and a stun gun and who
immediately gave him a replacement passport when he called them by
phone and said he lost it.

They think he's now in Spain.

The UK Sun 18-Jul-02
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2002330294,00.html


TOO close to being true to 
comment on this one.



HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE EVIL PARALLEL UNIVERSE!
*************************************************

Not today



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Make new friends and have wonderful conversation at the Bonehead Of
The Day message board! <a
href="http://bonehead.community.everyone.net">AOL Users Click Here</a>





WEIRD EXTRAS                  ***
*** Stories without comment (well, sometimes) ***
*************************************************


We used to think we liked ice cream.

"After destroying the pizza with toppings of corn and mayonnaise, the
Japanese are now looking to reinvent ice-cream, with some interesting
results -- to say the least."

Comment appearing in the Mainichi Japanese newspaper which offered up
as evidence these ice cream flavors now available in Japan:

· Fish Ice Cream (Sanma Aisu) (comes with liberal amounts of brandy)
· Octopus Ice Cream (Taco Aisu)
· Squid Ice Cream (Ika Aisu)
· Ox Tongue Ice Cream (Gyutan Aisu)
· Sweet Potato Ice Cream (Imoshiba)
· Fried Eggplant Ice Cream (Yaki Nasu Aisu)
· Crab Ice Cream (Kani Aisu)
· Corn Ice Cream (Tomorokoshi Aisu)
· Shrimp Ice Cream (Sakura Ebi Aisu)
· Eel Ice Cream (Unagi Aisu)
· Chicken Wing Ice Cream (Nagoya Tebasaki)
· Cactus Ice Cream (Saboten Aisu)


----------------------------------------------


A world on edge.

Two F-16 fighter jets escorted a Boeing 757 with 98 passengers and a
crew to New York City's LaGuardia Airport after a passenger, noticing
that seven passengers were passing notes to each other and changing
seats, became alarmed fearing that these people might be some sort of
terrorists.

The seven passengers were members of a well-known Indian performance
group who were probably rehearsing or discussing a performance.

Boston Globe 17-Jul-02
http://www.boston.com/dailynews/198/region/Military_jets_escort_plane_
aftP.shtml





FROM THE LAME EXCUSES TO LAW ENFORCEMENT FOLK FILES
****************************************************

About 18 years ago I was a Police Officer in a small town in Southern
Colorado. I received a Dispatch call of a car running a school bus
stop sign. When a school bus loads, or off loads children, the bus
extends a stop sign.. all traffic must Stop & wait until the bus
drivers continues.

I pulled over the offending vehicle only to find an 80 year old woman
who insisted that she had stopped. She saw no other cars & continued.
4 hours later, the DA, the Judge, three deputies & myself never did
convince her that she was wrong, after all she DID stop.



--> Are you in law enforcement?  Do you have any excuses we'd love to
hear about?
  Send them to: DumbExcuses@BoneheadOfTheDayAward.com

Let me know how you want the entry credited to you, if at all.





FROM "MEN WHO CAN'T BUY GIFTS" FILES
**********************************************************

One year for my mothers birthday, my father decided to get her a
chainsaw, as she had been complaining about trees that needed to be
trimmed. That same year, for his birthday, my dad received from his
lovely bride a matching washer and dryer set!




--> Did your beau give you a gift we should all know about?
  Send me an Email to Clueless@BoneheadOfTheDayAward.com





FROM THE "LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH" FILES
***************************************************

About five years ago I had a student who thought himself very
resourceful.  I was at my desk in my office one morning, preparing for
an exam I was giving that afternoon.  Suddenly an email came in from
this student, saying he was sick at home and wasn't going to make it
for the exam, and could he write it next week when he was feeling
better? Something had my B.S. detector going off...  I turned on the
email program's option of viewing the complete set of message headers,
and noticed that even though the email appeared to come from the
student's home account, the email actually originated from one of the
labs down the hall.  I went to the lab, came up behind the student and
tapped him on the shoulder.  When he turned around I smiled and said
he looked like he was feeling a lot better, and that I was glad he
would be able to write the exam after all.  He said, "Miss, now I
*really* do feel sick!"  Yeah, you should, you bonehead!


--A college professor in Canada



-->Who do you put up with? We want to know.
   Write to: WhatIPutUpWith@BoneheadOfTheDayAward.com




-------------------------------------------------------

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No James that's not me that 
the dog is chasing



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"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is
not going to discuss it with the employees."
     ---Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division

                            ***

"English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England!"
     --Homer Simpson

                            ***

"Husbands: a small band of men, armed only with wallets,
besieged by a horde of wives and children."
     ---National Lampoon, 1979





If you had bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago,
it would now be worth $49.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1000.

With Worldcom, you would have less than $5 left.

If you had bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not
the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in
the cans for the 10 cent deposit in some states, you would
have $214.

Based on the above, my current investment advice is to stick
to drinking and recycle.


YES Owen, I can Picture you 
doing this to your mother



Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit
down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would
start to say something, his wife would say, "And just what
is THAT supposed to mean?"

Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.





To clean grease and or sticky stuff off your hands, mix
one part of dishwashing soap with 3 parts of sugar. Use
this as a hand cleaner. The sugar will work as a scrubbing
agent to remove the grease and grime and the soap helps
wash it away...


NO I have never done this. 
MAYBE not any way



Mrs. Blonde and Mrs. Brunette were chatting over coffee.

Said Mrs. Blonde, "I've been experiencing a strange and painful side
effect from coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use
cream, or sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye."

Mrs. Blonde took a sip of her coffee. "Owwwww!" she cried. "There it
goes again!"

Said Mrs. Brunette, "Betty... take the spoon out of the cup."





Stolen from: A1Fun2@smartgroups.com
To sign up --> http://www.smartgroups.com/groups/A1Fun2
==================== http://www.ThievingJoker.net ====================

Microsoft today announced that it will be changing its name to "Moft"
which will clear up space on users' hard disks. It is estimated that a
typical Windows XP installation contains about 7,842,597 iterations of
the word "Microsoft", in copyright notices, end-user licence
agreements, 'About' screens, as well as several multi-megabyte files
containing nothing else (the so-called ego.dll series), etc. So, after
the change, a user will have about 34 MBytes more disk space. Stock
prices of hard-disk manufacturers dipped slightly after the
announcement.

"Well, the programs will take up less space on the user's disk," said
Bill Gates, CEO of Moft. "But we have never cared about that. The
change will allow us to ship Windows XP more cheaply, thus saving
about $50 million a year in media costs. We are also looking at
shortening the names of some of our software products; for instance
'The Microsoft Exchange' may be changed to 'The Moft Pit'.

Gates added that the junior programmer who discovered the potential
savings has been rewarded with a free copy of 'Moft Off for Moft Win XP'.


Prolly a Woman, They are known 
for acting before they think



Morris a devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending
fences on uncle Mendel's dairy farm

Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its
mouth. The Jewish cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the
precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward
and exclaimed, with great joy..."It's a miracle!"

"Not Really," said the cow. "Your name it's written inside the cover."


NOT what I would've said



Today's thought is: 020722
The example of good men is visible philosophy.
—English Proverb

Just as we do not live in a vacuum, untouched by others and touching
no one, so too, our efforts to maintain positive self-esteem are not
isolated or self-contained. No matter how common and ordinary we
think we are, we influence others. In ways we never notice or intend,
everything we do reaches out and touches someone. And as with all
human contact, the effect can be positive or negative.

Just think of all the people who see us or hear us in the course of a day.
As we try to think well of ourselves and act that way, as we commit to
the behaviors that evaluate our self-esteem, we are constantly having an
impact on the people around us. Who knows the battles going on within
the walled-up hearts of a brother or sister next to us? Who knows what
really lurks behind the happy facades our fellow human beings are
willing to show us? Perhaps a world of hurt.

A smile, a word of encouragement, or a compliment may well be the
spillover of our own efforts to help ourselves. Transformed, any good
we do ourselves may become the golden key that opens a long-rusted
door in someone else's heart. We are more powerful people than we
realize we are. What we do or fail to do is important to other people as
well as ourselves.

Ordinary people often wield extraordinary influence.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today's meditation comes from the book
Believing in Myself by Earnie Larsen and Carol Hegarty copyright 1991
available through our online bookstore at:
http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=6114


Looks like something Susan would do



'BIOGRAPHY' AIRS SPECIAL NO. 1,000
There was a time when the popular "Biography" series was a
weekly feature on the A&E Cable Network. Then enough shows
were produced to air them on a daily basis. Finally, the
folks at A&E spun off the concept, forming a full-fledged
network devoted solely to presenting life stories. The
network has now passed a milestone. This week it presented
its 1,000th biography. It featured the life and times of
rock music promoter Bill Graham. According to the A&E Web
site, Graham was the driving force behind the Fillmore club
in San Francisco and helped launch the careers of many
groups, most notably the Jefferson Airplane. Others,
including the Grateful Dead, Carlos Santana, Otis Redding
and Janis Joplin, got their first exposure under Graham's
tutelage. The landmark documentary was a two-hour affair,
much in the spirit of the network's 10th anniversary
special, a two-hour look at the life of Judy Garland,
some years ago.


WAAAYYYYY toooooo close to being true


MORE RED INK AT DELTA AIR LINES
There was a time when many passengers on Delta Air Lines
thought of the flying experience as being "first class at a
coach price." But in recent years services have had to be
curtailed, meals eliminated and perks lessened as the
carrier suddenly fell farther and farther into debt ... then
Sept. 11! Now comes word from the Atlanta-based carrier
that its net losses for the second quarter of this year
are more than $185 million. And, according to the Atlanta
Journal and Constitution, analysts don't look for quick
improvements. Delta is a major player in the airline
industry, operating both domestically -- out of hubs in
Atlanta, Cincinnati, Dallas-Ft. Worth and Salt Lake City
-- and inter-lining with a variety of international
carriers. It also provides quality air service out of
many smaller cities in this country via its Delta
Connection services, mainly on Comair and Atlantic Southeast.


Sam had better never try it.



& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed !

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thanks, David 1