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The News letter, 020716








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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.



Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!





A little woman called Mount Sinai Hospital.

She said, Hello, darling, I'd like to talk with the person who
gives the information regarding your patients. But, I don't want
to know if the patient is getting better, or doing like expected,
or worse. I want to know all the information from top to bottom,
from A to Y !'

The voice on the other end of the line said, "That's a very unusual
request....What is the patient's name and room number ? "

She said, 'Yes, darling! I'd like to know the information about Sarah
Finkel, in Room 302.'

He said, 'Finkel, Finkel. Let me see. Feinberg, Farber, Finkel.
Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had
two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as
normal, she's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours
and if she continues this improvement,
 Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o' clock.'

The woman said, 'Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh, thank God!
Her test came back normal, she's getting off the heart machine
in a couple of hours you say.  Oh! that's fantastic, darling! And she
is being released tomorrow at twelve o'clock! I'm so happy
to hear that! . . . That's wonderful news!'

The man on the phone said, 'From your enthusiasm, I take
it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!'

She said, 'What close family or friend? I'm Sarah Finkel in 302 !
Cohen my doctor tells me nothing."





Two University of Michigan football
players were taking an important
final exam. If they failed, they
would be on academic probation and
not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl
the following week.

The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The
last question read, "Old MacDonald
had a _________." Bubba was stumped.
He had no idea of the answer. He knew
he needed to get this one right to
be sure he passed.

Making sure the professor wasn't watching,
he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.

"Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to
the last question?"

Tiny laughed. He looked around to
make sure the professor hadn't noticed
then he turned to Bubba.

"Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone
knows Old MacDonald had a farm."

"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember
now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil
and started to write the answer in
the blank. He stopped.

Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again,
he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell
farm?"

"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's
so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."





Last summer, when the power mower
was broken & wouldn't run, I kept
hinting to my husband that he ought
to get it fixed, but somehow the
message never sunk in.

Finally I thought of a clever way
to make the point. When my husband
arrived home that day, he found
me seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of
sewing scissors. He watched silently
for a short time, then went into the
house. He was gone only a few moments,
and when he came out again he handed
me a toothbrush.

"When you finish cutting the grass,"
he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks."


& personally I DON'T want to know.



Two Tennessee men were starting
a round of golf together. On the
first tee, the first guy smacked
a beautiful drive down the center
of the fairway. With a smile, he
picked up the tee and walked to
the cart.

The second guy cranked another
good drive down the center of the
fairway, Pleased, he hopped in the
cart.

When they arrived to the golf balls,
they noticed that they were 10 yds
apart.

"That's mine up there" said the first
guy pointing to the ball closer to
the green.

"No way, I outdrove you easily" said
the second guy. Before you know it,
fists were flying. After a brief
scuffle, the second guy stopped and
said, "I  know how we can solve this
problem!"

"How?"

"We will get the clubhouse pro out
here!"

Sure enough, they drove back to the
clubhouse and got him, dragged him
out to the fairway. Studying the
situation for a few minutes the pro
finally said, "I know to solve this!"

"How" said the first guy?

"Yeah, How" yelled the second.

Replied the pro, "Who's hittin' the yellow ball?"





A man bumps into a friend and sees that his
friend's car is a
total-loss and covered with leaves, grass,
branches, dirt and blood.
He asks his friend, "What's happened to your
car?"
"Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a
lawyer."
"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood. But
what about the
leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"
"Well, I had to chase him all the way through the park..."


I know this has a bad word but 
This is how I feel about it.
David 1



An old country farmer with serious financial problems bought a mule from
another old farmer for $100, who agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
However, the next day he drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad
news: The mule died."

"Well, then, just give me my money back."

Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

"OK, then. Just unload the mule."

"What ya gonna do with a dead mule?"

"I'm going to raffle him off."

"You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
"Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the two met up and the farmer who
sold the mule asked,

"Whatever happened with that dead mule?"


"I raffled him off just like I said I would. I sold 500 tickets at $2 a
piece and made a net profit of $898."

"Didn't anyone complain?"

"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."


OOOOOpppSS



Lots of older guys are looking to marry young women. I know this one
couple in particular. He's about 60 and she is about 25. Their wedding
invitation was very appropriate too. His name was in Gothic type and her
name was in crayon.





American men, though they are hardworking, are nothing more
than toy dogs of the women, who like to spend money.and
wrap themselves in a veil of excess.
--Albert Einstein





I know no method to secure the repeal of bad or obnoxious
laws so effective as their stringent execution.
--Ulysses S. Grant





Of course, it all depends upon what we are praying for. If
we are whimpering, and sniveling, and begging to be spared
the discipline of life that is sent to knock some
smatterings of manhood into us, the answer to that prayer
may never come at all. Thank God! . If you are not bleating
to get off, but asking to be given grace and strength to see
this through with honor, "the very day" you pray that
prayer, the answer always comes.
--A.J. Gossip, Scottish Preacher


I was always told to be careful
what you pray for:
CAUSE ya might get it.



Today's thought is: 020716
Words are the voice of the heart.
- Confucius

What does my heart have to say today? Am I happy? Or am I troubled?
We will find this out if we slow down and listen to our words. We can
also hear our spirit in the tone of our words.

We are to meditate. Meditation is about slowing down so we can hear
what our spirit is trying to tell us. Meditation is listening. Our spirit is
but a quiet whisper inside us. To hear it we must quiet ourselves.

Slowing down allows us to find our center. As we find our center we
find our spirit and our Higher Power. Do I take the time needed to slow
myself down? Do I take the time to listen-to listen to my heart?

Prayer for the Day
Higher Power, teach me to slow down. Teach me to listen. Teach me to
hear Your whispers as well as Your yells.

Action for the Day
Today, I will take a half hour to slow down and listen. I will find a
place to relax and listen to my heart and my words.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today's meditation comes from the book
Keep It Simple by Anonymous copyright 1989
available through our online bookstore at:
http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=5066





& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are seconds for 28K modem,
seconds for 56k modem & seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David 1