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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
Today's thought is: 020714 Attitude is everything!
Today will be what we
make it. Regardless of the weather, the kinds of work to be done, the
personalities crossing our paths, we'll feel joy Attitude is and peace if
that is our choice.
Agonizing over circumstances that aren't to our
liking or dwelling on our failure to control other people, whether friends
or foes, has robbed us of the happiness that is always ours to experience.
Depression, anger, fear, and frustration shadowed our steps because we
didn't take control of the only thing that's ever been in our control
absolutely - attitude.
It's so easy to blame others for every wrinkle
in our lives. But as we grow accustomed to the idea of taking full
responsibility for how we think and feel, we'll be empowered. No longer will
our sense of self feel diminished. And, as Abraham Lincoln is credited with
saying, we will be just as happy as we make up our minds to
Now my wife just left and the well went dry, and my
horse is sick and about to die. Then my still blew up and the barn burned
down, and the road washed out on the way to town.
Then my dog got
rabies and bit the cat, and they both died soon after that. Now I lost my
specs and my pipe-stem broke, so I can't even sit and read and
Then a tree fell on the chicken shed, and most of the hens got
smashed plumb dead. Then a chimney fire took half of a wall, and this old
shack is about to fall.
Then I caught my heel on an old dead vine, and
sat smack dab on a porcupine. Then a beaver dam broke and my bridge washed
out, and my watch stopped working and I've got the gout.
And the bank
foreclosed so I've lost my place, and my cow disappeared without a
trace. They cut off my credit at the grocery store, and I lost my job and
a whole lot more.
I must have been hexed by a triple curse, as things
keep going from bad to worse. And now fate has hit me a last dirty
crack, to top off the worst - my wife's coming back!
A lady went to a pet shop.
"I'd like to buy two yellow canaries," she
told the owner.
"We don't have any canaries, but we have these," the
owner said, as he showed the lady some pale green parakeets.
not what I'm looking for," the lady stated.
But the pet store owner
refused to give up. He said, "Just think of them as yellow canaries that
aren't quite ripe yet."
Product Warnings ----------------
"Caution: The contents of this
bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for
"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.
This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.
"Do not use in
shower." -- On a hair dryer.
"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair
"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held
"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a
toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin
guards made for bicyclists.
"This product not intended for use as a
dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.
"Caution: Do not spray
in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.
"Do not drive with
sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the
"Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a
plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.
"Do not use near
fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame"
"Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See
a scanned image.
"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser
"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a
"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a
Holmes bathroom heater.
"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of
self-defense pepper spray.
"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On
a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."
hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.
"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On
a coffee cup.
"Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a
"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning
"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.
suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1
"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a
"Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated
"Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser
"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave
"For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle
"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air
"Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of
"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind
you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.
Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection
of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while
mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.
"Warning: Do not
climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death."
-- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm
by 15cm by 12cm.
"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly
"Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a
bag of fresh grapes in Australia.
"Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On
the packaging of a sharpening stone.
"Not for weight control." -- On a
pack of Breath Savers.
"Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not
put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.
"Theft of this
container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.
"Do not use intimately." -- On
a tube of deodorant.
"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in
laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.
"Fragile. Do not drop."
-- Posted on a Boeing 757.
"Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back
of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.
"Caution: Remove infant before
folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.
"Excessive dust may
be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make
"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail
"Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta
"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's
"For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
-- On a child sized Superman costume.
"This door is alarmed from
7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.
touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be
prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.
"Warning: do not use if
you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief
"Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert
"Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert
"Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a
"Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for
a cheap rubber ball toy.
"Not for human consumption." -- On a package
"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of
"Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your
warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement
when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to
beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.
"Do not attempt to stop the
blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.
not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From
a manual for an SGI computer.
"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a
package of peanuts.
"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box,
referring to the styrofoam packing.
"Access hole only -- not intended
for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above
cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.
cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping
"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the
metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.
"Do not use orally after using
rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.
off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw
file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.
"Not to be used as
a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture
"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle
"Please remove before driving." -- On the back of a cardboard
windshield (for keeping the car from getting too hot when
"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit
"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a
"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.
not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a
"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put
in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.
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Working as a secretary at an international airport,
my sister had an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds
One day security officers were questioning a man when they
were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my
sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room.
After a few minutes, the door opened, and he began to walk out. Summoning
up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there,
and don't come out until you're told!"
The man scuttled back inside
and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the woman reported
what had happened.
Without a word, an officer walked into the room and
released one very frightened telephone repairman.
The South African version of Sesame Street is to introduce an HIV-positive
The character hasn't been named or designed yet.
puppet is expected to be a 5-year-old female "monster Muppet" like Grover or
The show's bosses are considering whether to include the new
character in the US version of the show.
Joel Schneider, vice
president of Sesame Workshop, which is based in New York, said the new puppet
will make her debut during the autumn.
Speaking at the 14th International
AIDS Conference in Barcelona, Schneider said: "We know that she'll be lively,
alert, friendly, outgoing and HIV-positive. She'll be healthy, not
The aim is to help "de-stigmatise" the virus among viewers of
the programme, reports the Washington Post.
"We want to show children
that it's okay to touch an HIV-positive person, okay to hug, that a person
can still be a constructive part of the community."
The story about
how the character contracted HIV is still under discussion, but it's likely
to involve a story line about a blood transfusion or transmission through
childbirth, Schneider said.
Marriage A Husband's Viewpoint
1. Marriage is not a word. It is a
sentence (A life sentence !!!)
2. Marriage is very much like a violin;
after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.
is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore marriage is an
institution for the blind.
4. Marriage is an institution in which a man
loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 5 types of "RINGS": a) The Engagement
Ring b) The Wedding Ring c) The SuffeRing d) The EnduRing e) The
It's only 10 simple questions, so grab a
pencil and paper, keeping track of your your letter answers.
1. When do you feel your best? (a) in the morning (b) during
the afternoon & early evening (c) late at night
2. You usually
walk... (a) fairly fast, with long steps. (b) fairly fast, with short,
quick steps. (c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face. (d)
less fast, head down. (e) very slowly.
3. When talking to people
you... (a) stand with your arms folded? (b) have your hands
clasped? (c) have one or both your hands on your hips? (d) touch or push
the person to whom you are talking? (e) play with your ear, touch your chin,
or smooth your hair?
4. When relaxing, you sit with... (a) your knees
bent with your legs neatly side by side. (b) your legs crossed. (c) your
legs stretched out or straight. (d) one leg curled under you.
something really amuses you, you respond with... (a) a big, appreciative
laugh. (b) a laugh, but not a loud one. (c) a quiet chuckle. (d) a
6. When you go to a party or social gathering
(a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you. (b) make a
quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know. (c) make the quietest
entrance, trying to stay unnoticed
7. You're working very hard
,concentrating hard, and you're interrupted. Do you..
(a) welcome the
break? (b) feel extremely irritated? (c) vary between these two
8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
red or orange (b) black (c) yellow or light blue (d) green (e) dark
blue or purple (f) white (g) brown or gray
9. When you are in bed
at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you
(a) stretched out on your back. (b) stretched out face down on
your stomach. (c) on your side, slightly curled. (d) with your head on one
arm. (e) with your head under the covers.
10. You often dream that you
are... (a) falling. (b) fighting or struggling. (c) searching for
something or somebody. (d) flying or floating. (e) you usually have
dreamless sleep. (f) your dreams are always pleasant.
yourself points for each of your answers, and write down the total:
(a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e)
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b)
6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e)
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
(a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1
10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d)
5 (e) 6 (f) 1
Now add up the total number of points you received
for your answers.
OVER 60 POINTS:
Others see you as someone
they should "handle with care" You're seen as vain, self-centered, and
extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like
you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved
51 TO 60 POINTS:
Others see you as an exciting, highly
volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make
decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold
and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes
chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of
the excitement you radiate.
41 TO 50 POINTS:
Others see you as
fresh, lively, charming, amusing,practical, and always interesting; someone
who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced
not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate,
and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help
31 TO 40 POINTS:
Others see you as sensible,
cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or
talented, but modest... Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily,
but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the
same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes
a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a
long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.
21 TO 30
Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you
as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd
really surprise them if You ever did something impulsively or on the spur of
the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle
and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused
partly by your careful nature.
UNDER 21 POINTS:
you are shy, nervous, and indecisive,someone who needs looking after, who
always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get
involved with anyone or anything. They see you as a worrier who always sees
problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who
know you well know that you aren't.
YOUR DAILY HOROSCOPE - Monday, July 15, 2002
ARIES (Mar. 21- April 20) A few good ideas from a good friend who has
been keeping an eye on your project, or home based business, may be
just exactly what you have been looking for. You are very lucky today in
dealings with chance.
TAURUS (Apr. 21- may 21) An unexpected
guest shows up out of the blue and you find yourself pressed for time and
space but you do not let this daunt you as you make room for one more. A
stranger gives you an important clue to a problem you have been having.
GEMINI (May 22-June 21) Take time to smell the roses, don't let
the fast pace of the day cause you to miss out on the nice little
things. Take a walk outside, something unexpected and good will happen.
CANCER ( June 22-July 22) Dealings with the public is favored
today as your charisma is showing, and you will have a greater response to
your ideas than you have had in the past. Also, anything romance related
will turn out positive today.
LEO (July 23-Aug 22) Do not take
everything you hear today as literal truth, pretend you are from, as there is
a good chance of deception in your affairs now. This is also not a
good day to lend money as you may never see it again.
23 -Sept. 23) This appears to be your day for inspiration, creativity, and
even contracts as your ability to express yourself is at its optimum today.
If you are into art this is a day to spend doing it if possible.
LIBRA (Sept. 24 -Oct. 23) This is not a good day at all for gambling
pursuits as there could be losses in risk taking for you.
Domestic activity should be of great interest to you tonight as your lover
has some nice news for you.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov.
22) Daydreaming at work is not recommended today as this could possibly
cause you to have an accident if you work around any type of machinery by
becoming absent minded at the wrong time. But, a good day to be creative
since your imagination is strong.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 -Dec.
21) A domestic dispute has the wheels turning but you act in a practical
manner in making up. Express the love and not the mind if you hope to win
this one. A raise or bonus could be yours today.
22.- Jan. 20) This is a good day to take financial risks, as
everything holds the possibility of gain today when it comes to
money. Don't take chances where your love life is concerned.
(Jan. 21 -Feb. 19) A good move at work puts you on top. Someone you know
is about to make a big mistake, but you must look for it in order to see
what it is, and help prevent it from happen- ing.
20-Mar. 20) One of those rare days when you can call your life and your
time your own and everything seems to click into place for you. Go out and
buy a lottery ticket or some- thing like that.
These interpretations are based on the aspects and positions of the
planets in relation to each Sun-sign. They are intended to indicate the
general mood and issues of the day as you experience them. Be creative in
applying your forecast to the actual circumstances of your life. ---
Things to remember if you get reincarnated as a dog
1. The garbage
collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand
straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll
my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
4. I must
shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5. I will
not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean
carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
7. I will not throw
up in the car.
8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
just because I like the way they smell.
9. "Kitty box crunchies",
although they are tastie, are not food.
10. I will not eat any more
Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after
11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12. I will
not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
13. I will not chew
crayons or pens,especially not the red ones, or my people will think I
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having
the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
15. We do not have a
doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
16. I will not
steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom & dad's laps.
head does not belong in the refrigerator.
19. I will not bite the
officer's hand when he reaches in for dad's driver's license and
20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's
underwear when he's on the toilet.
21. I will not eat mint flavored
dental floss out of the bathroom garbage, because I don't want to have a
string hanging out of my butt.
22. I will not play "roll around in the
dirt" after just getting a bath.
23. Sticking my nose into someone's
crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
24. I will not hump
on any person's leg just because I thought it was the right thing to
25. I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow
next to their head.
26. I will not come in from outside and
immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
27. The toilet bowl is not
a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue,
it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
28. I will not sit in the middle of the
living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
turning around and smelling my butt makes people put me outside.
The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.
The Bizarre Death
At an annual awards dinner given for Forensic
Science, AAFS president, Dr. Don Harper Mills, astounded his audience with
the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:
March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and
concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had
jumped from the top of a ten story building intending to commit suicide.
He left a note to that effect indicating his despondency.
As he fell
past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing
through a window which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the
decedent was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the
eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus
would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had
"Ordinarily," Dr. Mills continued, "A person who sets out to
commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not
be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide."
Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have
been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner
to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.
The room on the ninth
floor whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and
his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a
shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely
missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mister
When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the
attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B.
with the murder charge the old man and his wife were both adamant. They both
said they thought the shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was his
long standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no
intention to murder her. Therefore, the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be
an accident; that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.
continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son
loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It
transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and
the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun,
threateningly loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would
shoot his mother.
The case now becomes one of murder on the part of
the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist.
Further investigation revealed that the son was in fact Ronald Opus. He
had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to
engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten story building
on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the
ninth story window.
The son had actually murdered himself so the
medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
Three cellmates in a Cuban jail compared notes. "I was jailed for coming to
work late." mourned the first. "They said I was trying to upset the
"Me? I came to work early." said the second.
"They said this proved I was a Capitalist spy."
"And I am here for
always getting to work on time." added the third. "They said this proved I
had an American watch."
Read each sentence slowly and think about it.
Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
You can only go as far as you push.
Actions speak louder than words.
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.
A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE.
Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it.
BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.
When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look
beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP "NEVER" ENDS. Friends are FOREVER.
Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they
are always there.
Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the
person who made you cry?
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
Most people walk in and out of your life, but only friends leave footprints
in your heart.
The Preacher ~
There was a Preacher whose
wife was expecting a baby. The Preacher went to the congregation and asked for a
raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever
the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After five or six children,
this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another
meeting to discuss the preacher's pay. There was much yelling and bickering
about how much the preacher's additional children were costing the church.
Finally, the preacher got
up and spoke to the crowd and said... "HAVING CHILDREN IS AN ACT OF GOD!" In the
back of the room, a little old man stood up!!!
In his frail voice said
.... "SNOW AND RAIN ARE ALSO ACTS OF GOD, BUT WHEN WE GET TOO MUCH, WE WEAR
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
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