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The News letter, 020712








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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.



Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!





Today's tip will make your artificial flowers look like real ones...

:-)

If you have a bouquet of fake flowers and they look a little
too "stiff," Take the flowers and hold them over steam for
a few seconds. This will soften them up and give them a more
realistic look. Use a pot of water, tea kettle or even a facial
steamer if you like to steam them...

:-)


------------------------------------------------------------
Questions... Comments... email me at:
mailto:jamie@shagmail.com?subject=HandyHints



Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education
program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the
gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older
students.

My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked
into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes
stacked on a bookshelf.

"What are all these books?" he asked.

Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias.

"Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole thing?!?"


I somehow don't think 
that I would enjoy this.



Useless Inventions, by Stumpy Q. Peterson the 3rd

* Anklet wristwatches for contortionists.

* Battery powered battery charger.

* Braille Drivers' Manual

* Braille TV guide.

* Braille TV remote control.

* Brown underwear
.
* Checkered paint.

* Dehydrated water.

* Double-sided playing cards.

* Ejector seats for helicopters.

* Fireproof cigarettes.

* Flame-retardant gasoline.

* Flashbulb tester.

* Flavored suppositories.

* Kickstand for a tank.

* Laundromat in a nudist colony.

* Lie detectors for politicians.

* Low-calorie PowerBar.

* Motorcycle seat-belts.

* Open Toed Safety Shoes.

* Reduced calorie water.

* Remote control for a computer.

* Solar powered flashlight.

* Solar powered night light.

* Sugar coated insulin.

* Tire chains for motorcycles.

* Waterproof sponge.


Enough said



A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat
down waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and
saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So,
she thought to herself

"I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me."

She went over to the machine and put her nickel in, and out came
a card that said, "You're a nun you weigh 128lbs and you are
going to Chicago,Illinois."

She sat back down and thought about it. She told herself it probably
tells everyone the same thing, but decided to try it again. She went
back to the machine and put her nickel in.

Out came a card that read, "You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs.you're
going to Chicago, Illinois and you are going to play a fiddle."

The nun said to herself, "I know that's wrong, I have never
played a musical instrument a day in my life." She sat back
down. From nowhere a Cowboy came over and set his fiddle
case down next to her. The nun picked up the fiddle and started
playing beautiful music. Startled, she looked back at the machine
and said, "This is incredible. I've got to try it again."

Back to the machine.She put her nickel in and another card came
out. It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs, you're going to
Chicago, Illinois and you're going to break wind."

Now, the nun knows the machine is wrong; "I've never broken
wind in public in my whole life!" Well, she tripped, fell off the
scales and broke wind.

Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine.She
said to herself, "This is truly unbelievable! I've got to try it
again." She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and
collected the card. It said,

You ready?

"You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs, you have fiddled and farted
around and missed your flight to Chicago!!!!!!"





Stolen from: DafterLafter
To sign up --> http://www.YourListHost.com:81/cgi-bin/lyris.pl?
enter=dafterlafter
==================== http://www.ThievingJoker.net ====================

Two smart fellows were in an English pub. They called the publican
over and asked him to settle an argument.

'Are there two pints in a quart or four?", asked one.

"There be two pints in a quart, confirmed the publican.

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their
order.

"Two pints please, miss, and they are on the house."

The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous so one of the
fellows called out to the publican at the other end of the bar, "You
did say two pints, didn't you?"

"That's right, he called back, two pints."





After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as
they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her
husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the
doctors gave him the bad news.

"We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid," the doctor
told Ralph in a quiet, somber voice.

Ralph looked at Lena, and with a soft trembling voice, he said, "But
doctor, she's so young. She's only 45."

"37," came the weak reply from Lena.





Rest not! Life is sweeping by; 
Go and dare before you die. 
Something mighty and sublime 
Leave behind to conquer time.
--Goethe, German poet and scientist





Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does NOT mean
to stand by the President or any other public official save
exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the
country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he
efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to
oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or
otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country.
--Theodore Roosevelt





Don't forget until too late that the business of life is
not business, but living.
--Bertie Charles Forbes, Publisher





So you think you know what most computer acronyms really mean? Think again.
  CD-ROM
  Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
  IBM
  I Blame Microsoft, I Bought Macintosh
  PCMCIA
  People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
  ISDN
  It Still Does Nothing
  APPLE
  Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
  DEC
  Do Expect Cuts
  CA
  Constant Acquisitions
  OS/2
  Obsolete Soon Too,
  SCSI
  System Can't See It
  DOS
  Defunct Operating System
  BASIC
  Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
  WWW
  World Wide Wait





A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner Mom & Pop grocery
picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer
walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot
of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if
you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill
him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the
counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out
of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The
grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog
died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your
dog."

"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed
him."

"Oh? What was it then?"

"I think it was the spin cycle!"





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Finding one of her students making faces at the others
on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped quickly to
reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said,
"Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made
ugly faces, it would freeze and it would stay like
that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Mrs. Smith,
you can't say you weren't warned."





Toddler Property Laws

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hands, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.
9. If it's brocolli....it's YOURS.





Hey all don't forget to check out the main site or the msn site's message boards !
You can find some great Top ten list in Entertainment, or Dear Abby is starting back up, Sports, Headline reports, stock info., & a lot more, NOTE: some of this is only availible on the main site.


Now that's a real 
good idea



Today's thought is: 020712
Trying to ignore our worries only pushes them underground.

Pretending we are not anxious when we are is a tactic that fools no one,
especially not ourselves, Attempting to deny or repress our fears and
worries does not work. The result is often depression or a physical
ailment, indicating that in our sub-conscious, we know very well that
something is wrong.

The rigorous honesty of the Twelve Step way of life saves us from
playing destructive games with ourselves. A worry that we can define
and examine in the light of day is far less threatening than one we are
trying to hide.

So let's ask ourselves what it is we fear. If our worry is a rational one,
we need to decide what we can do to prepare for the worst-case
scenario. If the worry is irrational, we need to figure out how to get rid
of it. But, no matter whether a worry is rational or irrational, we can't
turn it over until we acknowledge we have it. Getting our worries out in
the open and talking about them with people whose judgment we trust
keeps us grounded in reality.

If I am worried about something today, I will consciously examine it so
that I can resolve it.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today's meditation comes from the book
Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L. copyright 1990
available through our online bookstore at:
http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=5071





PUBLIC STATION HIT BY TRANSMITTER GREMLIN
Trust me. There's nothing worst than working for a radio
station that can't seem to get the transmitter to work. You
can have millions of dollar worth of studio equipment, the
best disk jockeys, access to great network programming and
a top-notch record library, but if the throw the switch and
the transmitter won't turn on, you might as well go home.
That's what's happened in Kansas City, Mo., this week,
where engineers at public station KCUR-FM (89.3) have had
to go dark because of technical problems. The station's
program director, Bill Anderson, tells the Kansas City Star
that he thinks "the tower got fried." That's not an
uncommon occurrence in "tornado alley" where communications
towers are constantly the target of lightning. Meanwhile,
the station -- licensed to the University of Missouri-Kansas
City -- is off the air, which is giving the staff an
unexpected vacation. That might not be a bad idea ... all
things considered.





A HOLIDAY THESE FOLKS WILL REMEMBER
When 66-year-old Nancy Williams set out from Raleigh, Tenn.,
to see the fireworks this past week, she didn't know she
would end up in a highway soap opera. As told by the
Commercial Appeal, Williams -- along with her husband, her
daughter and two grandchildren -- had driven into Memphis
and parked in a high-rise garage to do some shopping before
moving on to watch the fireworks. It was only when they
attempted to get their car out of the garage that they
realized that the exit was blocked. It seems that everyone
wanted to leave the 550-car-plus structure at the same
time. Now many of us are used to being caught in traffic
jams, but usually outside. Williams tells the publication
that she was forced to sit on an exit ramp for two hours,
waiting for the single-file line of exiters to go through
the toll booth. When she finally got to the head of the
line she was charged $7, for her intended short stay and
the time spent in line. She wasn't the only irate driver.
The publication says there was a near-riot in the garage.
At one point several motorists called 911 to try to get
the line moving. The problem remained, the garage had
only placed one attendant at the gates and he was dealing
with all 550 cars.





WILLIAM'S DEATH PROMPTS FREEZE DEBATE
There is new debate about cryonics, the freezing of the
death for possible later "resurrection," in the wake of the
death of baseball icon Ted Williams and reports that he is
being put on ice. The Arizona Republic, in a major treatise
on the subject, says that many "common people" have opted
for cryonics after death instead of burial or cremation.
The publication looks at the Phoenix-area owner of an
upholstery chain, Dave Pizer. He paid $120,000 a decade ago
to get things ready for the time when he hangs up the tack
hammer for the last time and will enter his own private
Ice Age. The process involves submerging a person's corpse
in a tank of liquid nitrogen, then keeping it at sub-zero
temperatures until someone decides you're ready for the
"big thaw." Some feel that with the passage of time
scientists will be able to revive frozen "patients" and
heal their ailments and let them live again.


Did ya hear me James ! ?



This Week's NFL Transactions 020712

Cincinnati Bengals -- Released wide receiver Darnay Scott.

Denver Broncos -- Signed linebacker Jude Waddy.

Green Bay Packers -- Signed safety Marques Anderson.

Kansas City Chiefs -- Signed tight end Ryan Collins to a
two-year contract; signed cornerback Brandon Godsey.

Philadelphia Eagles -- Signed running back Brian Westbrook
to a three-year contract.

Seattle Seahawks -- Signed quarterback Jeff Kelly; signed
defensive tackle Robert Bernard.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers -- Signed free agent cornerback Terrell
Buckley, who had been with the New England Patriots, to a
one-year contract.





& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are 225 seconds for 28K modem,
133 seconds for 56k modem & 61 seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David 1