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The News letter, 020508








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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.



Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!





A tourist in Canada celebrated the 4th of July by getting
stone drunk. He became obnoxious and disorderly, and was
hauled into court for disturbing the peace.

"How do you plead?" the  Judge asked.

"Not guilty!" replied the accused.

"How can you plead 'not guilty. You're drunker than a
skunk." the judge said.

"Well, you see, it's like this, your honor. I was only
following orders. When I got into town, there was this
big sign that said, DRINK CANADA DRY. And that's what I
did."

( I guess he could celebrate July 4th but July 1st is the holiday in Canada)


That he was a wealthy American tourist was obvious. On his arrival at a
small Irish hotel the tiny reception area became full in an instant. Not
only were there suitcases, but also golf clubs, golf shoes, golf umbrellas
and several boxes of balls.

"Surly now, Sir," cried the manager eyeing the baggage with alarm, "there
must be some mistake. We've no golf cource you see and you'll be finding
there's not one with in miles of the place."

"Well now, that's no problem", drawled the tourist. "I'm having one sent
over with my heavy baggage."





Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted
pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. A frog hopped into
the Princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome
Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from
you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince
that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping
in yon castle, with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and
happy doing so."

That night, while dining on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in
a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and
thought: "I don't think so!"



"Under all speech that is good for anything
there lies a silence that is better.
Silence is deep as eternity; speech is shallow
as time."
- Thomas Carlyle





I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him, "Hey!  Come over here buddy!"
 
The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, "Were you talking to me?"
 
The horse replies, "Sure was.  Man, I've got a problem.  I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this stupid farmer bought me.
Now all I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it.  Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me.  I'll make you some money cause I can still run."
 
The jogger thought to himself, "Boy a talking horse!" Dollar signs started appearing in his head.  So he runs to the house to where the old farmer is sitting on the porch.  The jogger yells to the farmer, "Hey old man, I'll give you $5,000 for that broken-down old nag you've got in the field."
 
The farmer replies, "Son, this has happened before.  You can't believe anything that darn horse says.  He's never even been to Kentucky."






Doug and Tammy were expecting their first child and had a basic question to ask their Doctor ...
Their Doctor was an old timer and had been around the block a few times...  and by this time had probably heard everything!
Doug turned to the Doctor and asked, "So Doc, is there a time when...errr we...errr....hmmmm...should....you know....stop doing it?"
To which the Doctor replied, "Sonny, as long as you don't get in my way in the delivery room, I don't care!"


Special note for Did ya know & Thought for the day readers
you can get the ones that you missed from the website. The dates that you missed I think
are 020410 - 020425 on both of them, Sorry about that

David 1






Did Ya' Know: 020426
------------------------------------
The Pig said what?

In America the pigs sound is interpreted as "oink, oink".

However, elsewhere in the world it is heard as...

   "kryoo, krool" - Russian
   "groin, groin" - French
   "grunz! - German
   "neff, neff" - Swedish
   "hulu, hulu" - Mandarin Chinese
   "rok, rok" - Serbo-Croatian
   "buu, buu" - Japanese
   "crum, crum" Poland
   "ood, ood" - Thai
   "hrju, hrju" - Ukrainian
   "ut, it" - Vietnamese


The only piece of American art displayed in the Louvre
in Paris is a painting commonly called Whistler's Mother.
Painted in 1871 by James Abbott McNeill Whistler, the
painting's real name is "Arrangement in Grey and Black."

Don Foster, ace word snoop, consultant to the FBI,
and professor of literature at Vassar College, marshaled
persuasive evidence that the beloved American poem "A Visit
From St. Nicholas" had been writted not by Clement Moore,
the strait-laced BIBLE teacher, but by bon vivant Henry
Livingston, Jr.

*grin* It makes people wonder!
~AIKEN~





This is from Bree, it's a note that she does for her readers that just gives them a glimps of her & her family & extended family ( note her critters )
Any way this one was just too good to pass up so here ya go.

It's been kind of quiet here on the canal the past few days.
The weather has been drizzly off and on and the winds are
from the East or Northeast so no fish have been jumping.
The trees are all leafed out and the grass is growing and
SEEDING already. That makes for many hours of sneezing
and a running nose, but this too shall pass. We had a bit of
excitement the other day here though. The hubbitt was busy
stacking some wood near the boat ramp where he had turned
our small boat upside down after washing it out. Somebody
"Upstairs" was watching over him because as he reached
for a piece of wood a snake raised his head up beside the
boat about 4 feet from the hubbitt's hand!! He hollered for me
to get a rake (Yeah, right!!) and I thought he wanted me to try
to move the snake in a certain direction. Not THIS gal, mister!!
But all he wanted me to do was make some noise so the snake
would come out from under the boat where it had hightailed to.
He got a shovel and then overturned the boat. Nasty big sucker
that snake was.....all 4 feet of angry water moccasin!! I say "was"
because after the snake started moving aggressively towards
the hubbitt (causing a few quick Texas 2-steps from the man)
he managed to get him up on the grass and immediately cut the
"business end" off the creature.
Yuck!! The darn thing squirmed around in the grass...beheaded...
for a long time. I think I will buy myself a drum so I can make LOTS
of noise when I get close to the boat ramp for awhile!!

Be safe and God bless,

Bree





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NO Susan, I'm not
considering it, maybe
thought about it but not
considering it.



                   NIGHT WATCH

                  Author unknown

"Your son is here," the nurse said to the old man. She had
to repeat the words several times before the man's eyes
opened. He was heavily sedated and only partially conscious
after a massive heart attack he had suffered the night before.
He could see the dim outline of a young man in a Marine Corps
uniform, standing alongside his bed.

The old man reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his
toughened fingers around the old man's limp hand and squeezed
gently. The nurse brought a chair, and the tired serviceman sat
down at the bedside.

All through the night, the young Marine sat in the poorly lighted
ward,
holding the man's hand and offering words of encouragement. The
dying man said nothing, but kept a feeble grip on the young man's
hand. Oblivious to the noise of the oxygen tank, the moans of the
other patients, and the bustle of the night staff coming in and out
of the ward, the Marine remained at the old man's side.

Every now and then when she stopped to check on her patients, the
nurse heard the young Marine whisper a few comforting words to the
old man. Several times in the course of that long night, she returned
and suggested that the Marine leave to rest for a while. But every
time,

the young man refused.

Near dawn, the old man died. The Marine placed the old man's lifeless
hand on the bed and left to find the nurse. While the nurse took the
old
man away and attended to the necessary duties, the young man waited.

When the nurse returned, she began to offer words of sympathy, but the
Marine interrupted her.

"What was that man's name?" he asked.

Startled, the nurse replied,"Don't you know? He was your father."

"No, he wasn't," the young man said. "I've never seen him before in
my life."

"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"

"I knew there had been a mistake by the people who sent me home
on an emergency furlough. There were two of us with the same name,
from the same town and we have similar serial numbers. They must
have sent me by mistake," the young man explained.

"But I also knew he needed his son, and his son wasn't there. I could
tell he was too sick to know whether I was his son or not. When I
realized how much he needed to have someone there, I just decided
to stay."


"Not he who has much is rich, but he who gives much."

                             ~Anonymous~


YUP, That's my solution


A KITCHEN TIP OR TWO......

Aged cheeses are low in moisture and can be frozen without
much change in flavor or consistency. Thaw frozen cheese in
the refrigerator for 24 hours or more before using.

Sour milk is a good substitute for buttermilk in recipes. To make
sour milk, add 1 tablespoon vinegar or lemon juice to a 1-cup
liquid measuring cup, then add enough milk to make 1 cup.

When using refrigerated or thawed frozen egg product in place
of eggs in recipes, remember that you need 1/4 cup egg product
for each egg called for in the recipe.

For best results in baked foods, choose a margarine that contains
at least 60 percent vegetable oil. Most light spreads only contain
40 percent and will make the dish watery.
(This is all too true with the fat content in MILK, also.....I just
made some Cow Patties using 1% milk and they wouldn't set
up hard like they should, but the batch made with 2% were just right.
(Diets aren't nice sometimes for baking!!)


If only I could get 
away with saying that.



REMEMBER YESTERYEAR.......

Back in the days when Paul Lynde was King of the
"Hollywood Squares" TV show, and Charley Weaver
was among the guests, there was always some snappy
answers to be heard...

According to Movie Life Magazine, Ann Margaret would like
to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait
awhile. Why?
PAUL LYNDE: He's out of town.
~~~~~~
What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that other cattle aren't?
PAUL LYNDE: They give milk...and cookies, but I don't
recommend the cookies.
~~~~~~
Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in
them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions.
What are they?
CHARLEY WEAVER: His feet.
~~~~~~
Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something
very important. What?
PAUL LYNNE: An engagement ring?
~~~~~~
If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least
how high?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
~~~~~~
True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes
than they do in their pajamas.
PAUL LYNDE: Yes. We call them winos.

And one of *MY* personal favorites.....

Do female frogs croak?
PAUL LYNDE: Only if you hold their heads under water.





OKRA

Ethiopian slaves brought the okra plant to America's South,
where it's still popular today. Although available fresh year-
round in the South, the season for the rest of the country is
from about May through October. When buying fresh okra
look for firm, brightly colored pods under 4 inches long.Larger
pods may be tough and fibrous. Avoid those that are dull in
color, limp or blemished. Refrigerate okra in a plastic bag
for up to 3 days. Canned and frozen okra is also available.
Fresh okra contains fair amounts of vitamins A and C.

This recipe, surprisedly enough, comes from the Punjab
Restaurant on Neal Street Covent Garden London

FRIED OKRA

3 tbsp vegetable oil
1 large onion, cut in half, thinly sliced
1 pound okra, tops trimmed, washed and patted dry
1 large tomato, coarsely chopped
1 tsp cayenne pepper
2 tbsp ground cumin
3 garlic cloves, finely chopped
salt to taste
freshly ground black pepper to taste

In a medium heavy skillet, heat the vegetable oil over
medium high heat. Add the onion and cook until golden
brown. Add the okra, tomato, cayenne, cumin and garlic.
Continue frying while gently turning the vegetables. Cook
until the okra is tender and most of the liquid has been
reduced. Season well with salt and freshly ground black
pepper. Serve immediately. Serves 4.





CRAZY>>CRAZY>>CROOKS......

At a Walmart in Grand Rapids MI. a man took a pair of
blue jeans which were on sale for $9.92 and put them on
leaving his old jeans and the tags from the new jeans behind--
with $12.00 in the pocket.
~~~~~~
In Gastonia, North Carolina a small band of robbers traveled
to the neighboring city of Charlotte to rob an armored truck.
The group was successful and made off with over a half million
dollars. The friends decided that with their new found wealth,
they no longer belonged in a trailer park. The group then went
and purchased a $500,000 house -- with cash. They
were quickly apprehended.
~~~~~~
After representing himself in court and twice winning acquittals
on charges of writing worthless checks and assault, Reinero
Torress Jr., of Sebring, Florida, lost a third case. He was convicted
of theft---- for having stolen law books from the court house library
to prepare his defense for the first two cases.
~~~~~~
Mrs. Hollis Sharpe was walking her poodle, one night on a
Los Angeles street when she was attacked by a mugger,
shoved to the ground, and forced to hand over her purse.
No doubt congratulating himself on his easy mugging, the
mugger ran off. Unfortunately for the mugger, inside Mrs.
Sharpe's purse was just one item: a plastic bag she had
just finished using to scoop up after her poodle.
(he must have thought, "What a "poopie" day!!)


"404"

It is said, "To err is human,"
That quote from alt.times.lore,
Alas, you have made an error,
So I say, "404."
Double-check your URL,
As we all have heard before.
You ask for an invalid filename,
And I respond, "404."

Perhaps you made a typo--
Your fingers may be sore--
But until you type it right,
You'll only get 404.

Maybe you followed a bad link,
Surfing a foreign shore;
You'll just have to tell that author
About this 404.

I'm just a lowly server
(Who likes to speak in metaphor),
So for a request that I don't know,
I must return 404.

Be glad I'm not an old mainframe
That might just dump its core,
Because then you'd get a ten-meg file
Instead of this 404.

I really would like to help you,
But I don't know what you're looking for,
And since I don't know what you want,
I give you 404.

Remember Poe, insane with longing
For his tragically lost Lenore.
Instead, you quest for files.
Quoth the Raven, "404!"

Anonymous





DIABETIC DELIGHTS.....

It's that time of the year....barbecues and picnics. I know,
being married to a diabetic and on the Weight Watcher's
program myself, how hard it is to find that little extra flavor
to go with the scrumptious foods tempting all of us. Here is
a recipe that ANY diabetic or person watching their diet can
use to get the "zing" out of barbecuing with no guilt!!!

Barbecue Sauce

4 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp dehydrated onion flakes
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tsp salt
1 tsp minced garlic
Dash cayenne pepper
1 cup sugar free cola

In a small saucepan, mix ingredients in order listed.
Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes.
Makes 6 servings. Serving size: 3 tablespoons.

Nutritional Information Per Serving: Calories 11;less than 1g fat;
2.5 g carbohydrate
Exchanges: Free Food (LOVE those words!!)


Now this is a great idea
Don't you think so James ? ? ?



"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary
on the first day of registration.
"He's a magician," said the new boy.
"How exciting. What's his best trick?"
"He saws people in half."
"How impressive! Now, do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"Yep...one half brother and two half sisters."


BANANA SCHNITZLES

4 ripe but firm bananas
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unflavored bread crumbs
1 large egg
2 tablespoons milk
1/4 cup confectioners' sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
vegetable oil for frying

Preheat oil to 365 degrees in a deep fryer or skillet.
Make sure the oil is at least 3/4-inch deep.

Place the flour and breadcrumbs on separate plates.
In a medium bowl, mix together the egg and milk. Cut bananas
diagonally into 3/4-inch-thick-slices. Dredge individual pieces
of banana in the flour and shake off the excess. Dip into the
egg mixture to coat, then dredge in bread crumbs. Working in
small batches, fry the bananas for 3 minutes on each side, or
until golden brown. Remove from the oil with tongs and drain
well on paper towels. Mix together the confectioners' sugar
and cinnamon, and dust liberally on the schnitzels. Serve while
they are still hot. Great with ice cream or hot chocolate sauce!!





This is the transcript of the actual radio conversation
of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the
coast of Newfoundland.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees South to
avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees
North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS LINCOLN, the
second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic Fleet.
We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers
and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change
your course 15 degrees North, I say again, that's one-five
degrees North, or counter-measures will be undertaken to
ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.





& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are 207 seconds for 28K modem,
123 seconds for 56k modem & 57 seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David 1