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The News letter, 020425

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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.

Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!

[||||]     V A L E T    V A L I U M     [||||]     

Federal Customs agents discovered a tunnel dug by drug smugglers that
extended from the Mexican border to Nogales, AZ passing directly under
the Agency's parking lot.    (USA Today)

Big mistake charging the agents $8 an hour for underground parking.  

Asian - Style Cherry Buns
Ingredients for 20 Servings

16  oz package hot roll mix
1/2  cup Ground turkey
1/2  cup Chopped onion
1TBLSPN Vegetable oil
1  cup Chopped Northwest fresh sweet cherries
1/2  cup Chopped water chestnuts
2  TBLSPNS Each soy sauce and packed brown sugar
1  t Worcestershire sauce
1/2  t Each garlic salt, ground ginger and cornstarch
2  TBLSPN Honey
1  TBLSPN Lemon juice
Prepare hot roll dough according to package directions.
Stir-fry turkey and onion in oil until turkey is browned and onion
softened; stir in cherries, water chestnuts, soy sauce, sugar,
Worcestershire sauce, garlic salt, ginger and cornstarch.
Remove from heat and cool to room temperature.
Cut dough into 20 pieces. Flatten into 4-inch rounds.
 Place 1 tablespoon filling in center of each; gather edges and seal.
Place sealed-side down on greased baking sheet.
Bake at 350F 12 to 15 minutes or until golden brown.
Combine honey and lemon juice; brush on hot rolls.
Nutritional Analysis Per Serving: 123 CaL, 4.7 g pro., 4.0 g fat (29%
Cal. from fat), 17.3 g carb., 0 mg chol., 1.0 g fiber and 287 mg sodium

Country Casserole

Serves 6-8
1 1/2 cups milk
1- 8 oz. pkg. Philadelphia
cream cheese, cubed
1/4 cup (1 oz.) grated
Parmesan cheese
1/2 tsp. onion salt
1/4 tsp. oregano, crumbled
1- 7 oz. pkg. spaghetti,
cooked, drained
1- 10 oz. pkg. frozen peas,
cooked, drained
1- 7 oz. can tuna, drained,
1- 3 oz. can sliced mushrooms,
1 T. chopped pimientos
1 T. chopped onion
Heat oven to 350F. Heat milk
& cream cheese over low heat,
stirring until smooth. Add
Parmesan cheese, onion salt,
& oregano; mix well. Add
remaining ingredients; mix.
Place in 2 quart casserole;
cover & bake at 350F, 20

Marshmallow Dip Sticks

2 cups milk chocolate chips
1 cup peanut butter
10 oz. bag marshmallows
chocolate sprinkles
round decorative toothpicks
waxed paper 
Insert toothpicks into marshmallows to act as a popsicle-type stick.
Dip top of marshmallow into the peanut butter.
Set aside on waxed paper lined plate.
Melt chocolate chips in the microwave, on stove top, or in a
double boiler until melted. Do not overcook!
Dip peanut butter end of marshmallow into the melted chocolate,
and then immediately dip into the chocolate sprinkles.
 Place on waxed paper to cool.
Cautionary tip: Use rounded toothpicks when working with, or making
these for, small children. You may also replace the tootpicks for
lollipop or ice cream sticks.

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

                     THE LOVE FLUTE

           A Dakota Myth as told by Paul Goble

A long time ago, there lived a young man who was very shy.
He was brave in battle, and led the buffalo hunt with courage,
yet when it came to speaking his love to the girl he wanted to
marry, he was too shy to speak. He would stand helplessly, his
eyes cast to the ground, while other young men stood with their
courting blankets outside the teepee of the girl's father.

The young man thought about the girl day and night. In his
dreams she was still there before his eyes, yet even in his
dreams he lacked the courage to tell her of his love.

He watched her from a distance when she fetched water
from the river, and his heart was heavy when he saw the
other young men who talked to her so easily, whistled to
her to gain her attention, and in a hundred ways vied for
her love. The young man was sure that the girl did not
notice him

One day, his heart aching, he left the camp and wandered
alone. In despair he drew his bow and without a thought he
let fly an arrow into the air.

To his amazement the arrow stayed aloft. It seemed to him
that the arrow pointed ahead. He followed the direction of
the arrow and found that it moved ahead at a steady pace
which he could follow. He followed the arrow all day, and
when evening came the arrow fell to earth beside a stream.

He slept beside the stream, and in the morning shot another
arrow into the sky. Again the arrow stayed aloft, and led him
on. That evening it, too, sank to earth beside a stream. This
continued for a total of four days.

On the fourth day the young man slept at the edge of a forest.
In that half-dream state between waking and sleep, two Elk Men
appeared to him, and told him that they had come to help him.
"We have come to give you this flute", one said, and when he
blew into the flute he carried, the sound was so beautiful that
even the forest stood breathlessly listening.

The Elk Man told him, "This flute is made from the wood of the
cedar, because cedars grow where the winds blow. The flighty
Woodpecker made these finger holes in the flute with his beak."

The other Elk Man told him "All the birds and animals helped to
make this flute, and their voices sing within it. When you play this
flute for the girl you love, all our voices sing with you. Your music
will speak the words of love that your voice alone cannot."

Then the Elk Men were gone, but there, lying on sage leaves,
was the flute. The young man set off towards his home, his
heart light. He played the flute as he walked, and the cranes
joined in his song. For four days he walked, playing his music,
and listening to the sounds of the animals and birds. He imitated
the sounds of the animals on his flute, and from those sounds he
made melodies

As evening drew near on the fourth day, he reached the hill above
his camp. There he paused to play his flute, and the sounds of the
beautiful music he made carried into the camp and thrilled the heart
of every woman there.

But one woman, the girl he loved, knew that the music spoke straight
to her heart. The girl left her teepee and joined the young man on
She listened to the words of love that his music spoke more eloquently
than his voice could express. "I love you. I love you."

And together they stayed ever after.

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get,
   it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."


Ouch !


Hardened cheese can be softened by soaking it
in buttermilk.

To strain broth, pour it through a clean coffee filter
so you get a broth that is clear.

To remove the grease from soups or stews, place
a sheet of waxed paper or plastic wrap directly onto
the top of the liquid before refrigerating it. Once it has
cooled thoroughly, peel off the waxed paper and the
grease will peel off with it.

Once bananas are ripe, store them in the refrigerator
to help slow down ripening. The skin will turn dark brown,
but this does not damage the fruit inside.

I can almost believe this ! ! !

THE WIT WIZARD savagely exposes America's frauds, fools, freaks & foibles, harpoons the hypocrites and punctures the pompous with biting social satire daily or weekly...

An EzineADventure AD. Click here - Get Your FREE Ads NOW!


Women should not have children after 35.
Really.....35 children are enough.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

I married my wife for her looks.....but not the ones she has
been giving me lately.

I gave my son a broad hint. On the door to his room I hung
a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18"

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many
dead rabbits on the highway?

I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal
point somewhere in it.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your
garbage disposal eats better than 30% of the people in
the world.

Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate" in
seven different languages.

NOW, this is a hanging challange


The fact that this legume is entirely edible accounts for
its French name, mange-tout, or "eat it all." Its almost
translucent, bright green pod is thin and crisp. They are
available year-round with peak season in the spring and
fall. Choose crisp, brightly colored pods with small seeds.
Refrigerate in a plastic bag for up to 3 days. Both tips of
a snow pea should be pinched off just before using.


1 tbsp white-wine vinegar
3 tbsp olive oil
1/2 lb green beans, trimmed
1/4 lb snow peas, trimmed and strings discarded
2 tbsp shelled ,sunflower seeds, toasted lightly

In a small bowl whisk together the vinegar, oil, and salt
and pepper to taste.
In a large saucepan of boiling salted water cook the
green beans for 4 minutes, add the snow peas, and
cook the vegetables for 30 seconds.
Drain the vegetables, transfer them to a bowl of ice and
cold water to stop the cooking, and drain them. Pat the
vegetables dry between several thicknesses of paper
towels and in a bowl toss them with the sunflower seeds
and the dressing.

Yup, sounds right to me



6 medium potatoes
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 tsp garlic salt
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
1/2 cup butter or margarine

Combine first 5 ingredients in a large heavy-duty, zip-top
plastic bag. Cut potatoes lengthwise into fourths; add to
bag, and shake gently to coat. Set aside.
Place butter in a 15- x 10- x 1-inch jellyroll pan; place pan in
a 425 degree F. oven until butter melts. Add potato to pan,
and return to oven. Baker 30 minutes, turning once. Serves 6.

Nutritional Information Per Serving: Calories 267; 5 g protein;
26 g carb;44 mg cholesterol; 745 mg sodium; 2 g fiber
Exchanges: 1 1/2 Starch, 3 Fat

Sorry folks, I couldn't
resist, it's to cute.

The Little House Behind Our House

One of my bygone recollections,
As I recall the days of yore
Is the little house, behind the house,
With the crescent over the door.

'Twas a place to sit and ponder
With your head bowed down low;
Knowing that you wouldn't be there,
If you didn't have to go.

Ours was a three-holer,
With a size for every one.
You left there feeling better,
After your usual job was done.

You had to make these frequent trips
Whether snow, rain, sleet, or fog-
To the little house where you usually
Found the Sears-Roebuck catalog.

Oft times in dead of winter,
The seat was covered with snow.
'Twas then with much reluctance,
To the little house you'd go.

With a swish you'd clear the seat,
Bend low, with dreadful fear
You'd blink your eyes and grit your teeth
As you settled on your rear.

I recall the day Granddad,
Who stayed with us one summer,
Made a trip to the shanty
Which proved to be a hummer.

'Twas the same day my Dad
Finished painting the kitchen green.
He'd just cleaned up the mess he'd made
With rags and gasoline.

He tossed the rags in the shanty hole
And went on his usual way
Not knowing that by doing so
He would eventually rue the day.

Now Granddad had an urgent call,
I never will forget!
This trip he made to the little house
Lingers in my memory yet.

He sat down on the shanty seat,
With both feet on the floor.
Then filled his pipe with tobacco
And struck a match on the outhouse door.

After the Tobacco began to glow,
He slowly raised his rear:
Tossed the flaming match in the open hole,
With not a sign of fear.

The Blast that followed, I am sure
Was heard for miles around;
And there was poor ol' Granddad
Just sitting on the ground.

The smoldering pipe was still in his mouth,
His suspenders he held tight;
The celebrated three-holer
Was blown clear out of sight.

When we asked him what had happened,
His answer I'll never forget.
He thought it must be something
That he had recently et!

Next day we had a new one
Which my Dad built with ease.
With a sign on the entrance door
Which read: No Smoking, Please!

Now that's the end of the story,
With memories of long ago,
Of the little house, behind the house
Where we went cause we had to go!


My kind of Dr. YEAH

My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just
before school that she needed to take a clean tee shirt to
class. She told us the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug
message on it. My wife frantically swept through my daughter's
room, finding only one tee shirt that already had something
printed on one side. She sent it off to school with my daughter.
That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off
her shirt. On one side it said, "Families are Forever." And on
the other side, "Be Smart, Don't Start."

During a pre-employment physical a fellow from Texas was
asked by the doctor about the scars on his scalp, shoulders
and back.
The young man replied, "Oh, that was when I was working on
a ranch and ah got drugged."
Naturally the doctor became somewhat alarmed and wanted
more details after hearing that.
The fellow said, "Well ... weren't much to it, ya see.... My
horse, he bolted, and as I fell off, I got my foot caught in
the stirrup and I was drugged.

I know that feeling (G)


2 cups sugar
4 tbsp cocoa
1 stick of butter
1/2 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup peanut butter (or 1 cup chocolate or butterscotch chips)
2 1/2 cups rolled oats

Bring first 4 ingredients to a rolling boil for exactly 1 1/2
minutes. Remove from heat and add other ingredients.
Quickly spread on either waxed paper or greased
cookie sheet. Allow to cool and then cut into squares.

               "The pain of loss upon a death,
     Takes all your heart and part of your breath."

                            --Bree Schultz--

NOT true ! ! !

Classified ad in the Ashtabula, Ohio, STAR-BEACON: "To the woman who
purchased our 1987 Honda: You have the title and the keys, but you
forgot the car! Collect your abandoned vehicle, or it will be

I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper. I read one this
morning. It said, "Whats the worst thing a wife can get on her twenty
fifth wedding anniversary?"

And you know what the answer is?

"Morning Sickness."

Yes I can, I just choose
not to learn so that I can
be upgraded !

========================= The Thieving Joker =========================
Stolen from: Bonehead-Of-The-Day
To sign up --> http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com
All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2002 by Jerry
Lerman. All Rights Reserved.
==================== http://www.ThievingJoker.net ====================

Bonehead award two goes to the woman who called the IRS tax hotline
"to ask if she could deduct the cost of her daughter's wedding. She
said it was a casualty loss because she didn't like the man her
daughter married."

Seattle Times via the Michael Kesterton column in the Globe and Mail


Bonehead award three goes to a Los Angeles Attorney who has had a
$500,000 sanction imposed against him for

1. Filing a lawsuit against the Mattel toy company claiming that
several Barbie dolls infringe a copyright by the maker of the USC
cheerleader doll, Claudine, even though the Barbie dolls were sold
well before Claudine was created, and who

2. When shown the evidence that the Barbies predated Claudine by
having the copyright stamps on the dolls themselves shown to him,
proceeded to throw the Barbie dolls around the room.

The judge called it, ".acrimonious litigation and such egregious

The question remains, has this attorney only succeeded then in
convincing Mattel that it ought to sue the makers of Claudine for
copyright infringement? Sounds like they look a lot like a Barbie.

LA Daily Journal via the Steve Harvey column in the LA Times


Speaking of courtroom antics, bonehead award four goes to a St. Louis
man, an accused drug dealer, who told the judge that his name is
copyrighted and he is to be paid $500,000 each time his name is used
in court.

"I am far from crazy," says Frederick R. James. "You do not have my
permission to use my name without compensating me," he told the judge.

The judge is considering an appropriate compensation.

Beloit Daily News (Beloit, Wisconsin) 21-Jan-02

Gone Fishin' Cajin style

Boudreaux been fishin down by de bayou all de day and he done run
outa night crawlers. He be bout redeye to leave when he seed a
snake wit a toad frog in hits mouth. He knowed that dem big bass
fish likes toad frogs so he dun decided to steal that froggie. That
snake, hit be a cottn mouthed water moccasin so'd he have to be
real carefull like or he'd git bit.

He snuk up behind de snake and grabbed him roun de haid. That ole
snake di'nt lik hit one bit. He commemced to squirm'n an wrapped
itself around Boudreaux's arm try'n to get free, but Boudreaux, him
had a real good grip on his haid, yea.

Well Boudreaux pried hit's mouth open and got de frog and put's it in
his bait can. Now Boudreaux knows that he cain't let go of de snake
or hit's goin' ta bite him good, but he had a plan.

He reached into de back pocket of'n his bib over-hauls and pulls out
a pint o' moonshine likker. He pours a couple of draps inta de snakes

Well that snake's eyeballs roll back in hits head and hits body goes limp.
Wit dat Boudreau toss's duh snake inta da crick then he goes back tuh

A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumptin tapp'n on his barefoot toe.
Well, he slowly look down and dare be dat water mocassin, and he
gat two toad frogs in his mouth.

& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are 178 seconds for 28K modem,
106 seconds for 56k modem & 49 seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David 1