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The News letter, 020404

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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.

Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!

Unemployed people in Berlin are being sent bowling to help
them find new jobs. The night out is designed to let job center
staff learn more about their clients' abilities in an informal

They say it will help them assess how people work in a team
and perform under pressure.

Job center employee Hein Luepkes says, "We hope this
informal atmosphere helps us find out more about people."

" Staff are also trying to identify any physical problems
clients might have, such as back-ache."

The evening is part of a two-week course which also includes
training for job interviews.

Yeah Susan we should

Choir Tardiness Test

In order to measure your level of proficiency as a choir
member, the following test has been carefully developed by
experts.  Read and reflect on each situation and then
select the option that will enhance the quality of the

1. You are entering the choir loft on Sunday morning and
suddenly trip and fall down.  You should:
a. Assume a kneeling position and break into fervent prayer.
b. Pretend that you've had a heart attack.
c. Crawl into the nearest chair.
d. Begin speaking in tongues.

2. You are a soprano and count incorrectly.  As a result
you boom out a high "C" one measure too soon.  You should:
a. Slide into an inspired "O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing."
b. Look triumphant and hold on to the note.
c. Stop abruptly in mid squawk but keep your lips moving.
d. Sink to the floor in shame.

3. After all those long hard choir rehearsals, you show up
twenty minutes late for the Christmas musical.  You
a. Climb into the back row of the choir from the baptistery.
b. Enter pretending to be a soundman checking cables and
then suddenly slip yourself into the choir.
c. Turn the lights out in the church and slip into the
choir during the blackout.
d. Read M. Stephen's pamphlet "Techniques for Tardy

4. While singing, you discover you have only one page of a
two page hymn. You should:
a. Hum for your life.
b. Sing "watermelon, watermelon, watermelon."
c. Try to get another hymnal out of the choir rack with
your feet.
d. Sing the first page over again.

5. Inevitably that dreaded big sneeze occurs toward the
end of the choir special.  You should:
a. As you sneeze, come down hard on your neighbor's foot
to create a diversion.
b. Try to make it harmonize.
c. Sneeze into the hair of the choir member in front of
you to muffle the noise.
d. Sink to the floor in shame.

Count the number of A's, B's, C's, and D's you checked and
find your proficiency rating below:

4 or more A's...there is nothing more you need to know to
be a first rate choir member.

4 or more B's...your church choir reflexes are fully
developed and you should do well in choir.

4 or more C's...your church choral experience is spotty
but your team spirit is on target.  You will be an asset
to most any choir.

4 or more D's...it is recommended you take soccer or group
therapy counseling.

                BREE'S BALDERDASH

               THE EMPTY EASTER EGG

                 Author Unknown

Jeremy was born with a twisted body and a slow mind. At the
age of 12 he was still in second grade, seemingly unable to
learn. His teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with
him. He would squirm in his seat, drool, and make grunting noises.
At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light
had penetrated the darkness of his brain. Most of the time, however,
Jeremy just irritated his teacher.
One day she called his parents and asked them to come in for
a consultation. As the Forresters entered the empty classroom,
Doris said to them, "Jeremy really belongs in a special school.
It isn't fair to him to be with younger children who don't have
learning problems. Why, there is a five year gap between his
age and that of the other students."

Mrs. Forrester cried softly into a tissue, while her husband spoke.

Miss Miller," he said, "there is no school of that kind nearby. It
would break his heart if he had to leave. We know he really
likes it here."

Doris sat for a long time after they had left, staring at the snow
outside the window. Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul.
She wanted to sympathize with the Forresters. After all, their only
child had a terminal illness. But it wasn't fair to keep him in her
class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach, and Jeremy was
a distraction. Furthermore, he would never learn to read and write.
Why waste any more time trying?

As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. Here I am
she thought. Lord, please help me to be more patient with Jeremy.
From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Jeremy's noises and
his blank stares.

Then one day, he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behind
him. "I love you, Miss Miller," he exclaimed, loud enough for the
whole class to hear. The other students snickered, and Doris' face
turned red.

She stammered, "Wh--why that's very nice, Jeremy. N--now please
take your seat."

Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of
Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize
the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children
a large plastic egg.

"Now," she said to them, "I want you to take this home and bring
it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life. Do
you understand?"

"Yes, Miss Miller," the children responded enthusiastically --all
except for Jeremy. He listened intently; his eyes never left her
face. He did not even make his usual noises. Had he understood
what she had said about Jesus' death and resurrection? Did he
understand the assignment? Perhaps she should call his parents
and explain the project to them.

That evening, Doris' kitchen sink stopped up and she
completely forgot about phoning Jeremy's parent.

The next morning, 19 children came to school,laughing and talking
as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller's
desk. After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open
the eggs.

In the first egg, Doris found a flower.

"Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life," she said. "When
plants peek through the ground, we know that spring is here."
A small girl in the first row waved her arm. "That's my egg,
Miss Miller," she called out.

The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real.
Doris held it up. "We all know that a caterpillar changes and grows
into a beautiful butterfly. Yes, that's new life, too."
Little Judy smiled proudly and said, "Miss Miller, that one is mine."

Next, Doris found a rock with moss on it. She explained that moss,
too, showed life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom,
"My daddy helped me," he beamed.

Then Doris opened the fourth egg. She gasped. The egg was empty.

Surely it must be Jeremy's she thought, and of course, he did not
understand her instructions. If only she had not forgotten to phone
his parents. Because she did not want to embarrass him, she
quietly set the egg aside and reached for another.

Suddenly, Jeremy spoke up. "Miss Miller, aren't you going to talk
about my egg?"

Flustered, Doris replied, "But Jeremy, your egg is empty."

He looked into her eyes and said softly, "Yes, but Jesus' tomb
was empty, too."

Time stopped. When she could speak again, Doris asked him,
"Do you know why the tomb was empty?"

"Oh, yes," Jeremy said, "Jesus was killed and put in there.
Then His Father raised Him up."

The recess bell rang. While the children excitedly ran out to
the schoolyard, Doris cried. The cold inside her melted
completely away.

Three months later, Jeremy died. Those who paid there respects
at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket,
all of them empty.

I've got the world by the paws !

"Make no judgments where you have no compassion."

               ~Anne McCaffrey~


When a recipe calls for one cup of graham cracker crumbs,
you can crush eleven graham crackers finely to make one cup.

When a recipe calls for one cup bread crumbs, you can use
2 slices of bread to make one cup.

Each 1 cup of raw noodles will make 1 1/2 cups of cooked noodles.


This extremely important ingredient in Asian cooking is
a dark, salty sauce made by fermenting boiled soybeans
and roasted wheat or barley. Although there is essentially
one main type of soy sauce widely made in the United States,
China and Japan produce a number of varieties ranging in
color from light to dark and in texture from thin to very thick.
Unless otherwise indicated on the label, soy sauce may be
kept for many months in a cool, dark place. Soy sauce is
used to flavor soups, sauces, marinades, meat, fish and
vegetables, as well as for a table condiment.


1 lb. boneless chicken breasts, cut into strips
2 tbsp vegetable oil
1/4 tsp garlic powder or 2 cloves garlic, minced
1 can (10 3/4 oz.) tomato soup
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tsp vinegar
4 cups hot cooked rice
3 cups cut-up vegetables (use a combination of broccoli flowerets,
carrots cut in matchstick-thin strips and red or green pepper strips.)

Heat 1 tbsp oil in skillet. Add chicken and stir-fry until browned.
Remove chicken. Heat remaining oil. Add vegetables and garlic
and stir-fry until tender-crisp. Add soup, soy and vinegar. Heat to
a boil. Return chicken to skillet and heat through. Serve over rice.
Serves 4.

A bachelor's guide for knowing when food is bad.....

IN THE FRIDGE: EGGS - When something starts pecking
its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS - Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like
yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese.
Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese.
Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway -- if you can dig
down and still find something non-green, bon appetite!

MEAT - If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from
a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat.

ON THE SHELF: CANNED GOODS - Any canned goods that have
become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of ...
Very carefully.

POTATOES - Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense,
leafy undergrowth.

FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles, or things fly out when you
open it.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: - Most food cannot be kept longer
than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your
refrigerator to gauge this.



1 pound extra lean ground beef
4 ounces uncooked medium egg noodles
1 cup frozen whole kernel corn
1 cup sliced green onions
1 cup water
1/2 cup salsa
2 cans ( 8 oz. each) tomato sauce, no salt added
1 oz. shredded Cheddar cheese

In large skillet, brown ground beef until thoroughly cooked, drain.
Add all remaining ingredients except cheese, mix well. Bring to a
Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer 10 to 12 minutes or until
are done, stirring occasionally. Sprinkle with cheese.

Nutritional Information Per Serving: Calories: 290;
fat: 12 grams; cholesterol: 70 mg; sodium: 240 mg; carb:20 g;
Exchanges:1 1/2 starch 1 vegetable 2 lean meat 1 fat

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Readers......I have not tried this but it sounds easy and delicious.
If someone does try it, please let me know the results!!

1 16 ounce box of confectioners sugar
2 tbsp water
1 tbsp light corn syrup
1 tbsp butter; softened
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp almond extract
1 pinch cream of tartar
1 1/3 cups of flaked coconut

Chocolate Coating:
8 Squares semi-sweet chocolate

Combine sugar, water, corn syrup, butter and vanilla. Add the salt,
almond extract and cream of tartar. This mixture will be crumbly.
Add the coconut.
Shape into eggs (whatever size you want). Melt the chocolate in a
double boiler over low heat. Cool a little and then frost the Easter

"What would you most like for your birthday?" a man
asks his wife.

She thinks for a minute. "I'd love to be ten again," she says,
smiling broadly.

So on the morning of her birthday, he gets her up bright and
early. Off they go to the local theme park. What a day! He puts
her on every ride in the park-The Death Slide, The Screaming
Loop, the Wall of Fear-everything there is! Wow! She staggers
out of the park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach
upside down. Right into McDonald's they go. Her husband orders
a double Big Mac for her along with extra fries and a strawberry
shake. Then off to a movie. It's the latest Star Wars epic, with
of cotton candy, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M & Ms. What a fabulous
adventure of a day! Finally she wobbles home with her husband and
collapses into bed, stuffed to the max.

He leans over lovingly. "Well, dear, what was it like being ten

She opens one eye and stares at him. "You dummy," she moans.
"I meant 10 in DRESS size!!"

"He who is not contented with what he has,
would not be contented with what he would like to have."

                -- Socrates--

sit through this now. it's good

Judo  Chips

There was a 10 year old boy, who's left arm was damaged and
subsequently amputated.  He decided to learn judo.  His Sensei
(teacher) was an old Chinese judo expert.  The boy learned quickly.
After three months, he had learned only one move.  He asked his
teacher to teach him
more moves.  The Sensai told him that this was all he would need.

Soon after, the boy entered a tournament, where he quickly advanced to
the finals, where his opponent was bigger and more experienced.  The
boy seemed very out matched.  After a long match, the opponent seemed
to loose concentration.  Quickly the boy took advantage and pinned
what seemed to be his superior opponent.

On the ride home, the boy asked his Sensai.  "How could I win with
only one move?"
The Sensai replied, "You have nearly mastered one of the most
difficult moves in all of judo.  And, the only defence against that
move, is for your opponent to grab your left arm."

Mom  Chips

ALIEN: What Mum would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a
child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.

BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mum's youngest child, even if he's 42.

BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all (except Mum) to
be self-cleaning.

"BECAUSE": Mum's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained

BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.

CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mum always winds up
going the furthest, with the biggest bunch of kids, who have had the most

COOK: 1) Act of preparing food for consumption. 2) Mum's other name.

DUST: Insidious interloping particles of evil that turn a home into a battle

ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to
do something.

"EXCUSE ME": One of Mum's favorite phrases, reportedly used in past times by

FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

FOOD: The response Mum usually gives in answer to the question "What's for
dinner tonight?"

GARBAGE: A collection of refuse items, the taking out of which Mum assigns
to a different family member each week, then winds up doing

HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.

HANDS: Body appendages which must be scrubbed raw with volcanic soap and
sterilized in boiling water immediately prior to consumption of the evening

ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if
kids or husbands ever filled the darn things instead of putting them back in
freezer empty.

"I SAID SO": Reason enough, according to Mum.

JUNK: Dad's stuff.

KETCHUP: The sea of tomato-based goop kids use to drown the dish that Mum
spent hours cooking and years perfecting to get the seasoning just right.

MAKEUP: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush, etc. which ironically make Mum look
better  while making her young daughter look "cheap."


MILK: A healthful beverage which kids will gladly drink once it's turned
junk food by the addition of sugar and cocoa.

"MOMMMMMMM!": The cry of a child on another floor who wants something.

PANIC: What a mother goes through when the darn wind-up swing stops.

OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mum's nickname for Dad.

PENITENTIARY: Where children who don't eat their vegetables or clean their
rooms eventually end up, according to Mum.

PIANO: A large, expensive musical instrument which, after thousands of
dollars worth of lessons and constant harping by Mum, kids will refuse to
play in front of company.

PURSE: A handbag in which Mum carries the checkbook and keys she can never
find because they're buried under tissues, gum wrappers, a plastic container
full of cereal, toys from a fast-food restaurant, a teddy bear, a
football,wallpaper samples, a grocery list and several outdated coupons.

REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air- conditioner for the kitchen.

SCHOOL PLAY: Sadistic ritual in which adults derive pleasure from watching
offspring stumble through coarse reenactments of famous
historic events.

SNOWSUITS: Warm, padded outer garments that, when completely zipped and
snapped performs two important functions: Protecting children from the cold
and reminding them that they have to go to the bathroom.

SOAP: A cleaning agent Mum puts on the sink on the off-chance one of her
kids  will accidentally grab it while reaching for the towel.

SPIT: All-purpose cleaning fluid especially good on kids' faces.

SUNDAY BEST: Attractive, expensive children's clothing made of a fabric
which  attracts melted chocolate and grape juice.

TERRIBLE TWO'S: Having both kids at home all summer.

TROUBLE: Area of nonspecific space a child can always be sure to be in.

UMPTEENTH: Highly conservative estimate of the number of times Mum must
instruct her offspring to do something before it actually gets done.

UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness of which ensures the
wearer will never have an accident.

VITAMINS: Tiny facsimiles of cave people Mum forces you to swallow each
morning as part of her sinister plot to have you grow up to be "Just
like  Daddy."

WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room.

WASHING MACHINE: Household appliance used to clean blue jeans, permanent ink
markers, loose change, homework, tissues and wads of gum.

XOXOXOXO: Mum salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in
a kid's lunch box even more mortifying.

YARD SALE: Heart-wrenching emotional process wherein Mum plans to sell kid's
outdated toys and clothing that she decides at the last minute are treasured
mementos she can't bear to part with.

"YIPPEE!": What Mum would jump up and shout if the school year was changed
to  12 months.

ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids
refuse to eat it.

& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are 205 seconds for 28K modem,
122 seconds for 56k modem & 56 seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David 1