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The News letter, 020404-1








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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.



Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!


Hi, My name is Slurp


Finding one of her students making faces at others
on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently
reprimand the child.
 
Smiling sweetly the Sunday School teacher said,
"Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I
made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay
like that."
 
Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you
can't say you weren't warned."


Did Ya' Know: 020328
------------------------------------
An academic myth underlies the belief that everyone in
the world is connected by "six degrees of separation." 
The idea spread after a 1967 article in which Yale
psychologist Stanley Milgram had Midwesterners send
letters to strangers using only friends as intermediaries;
on average it took five friends (six degrees) for letters
to arrive.  But when Judith Kleinfeld of the University of
Alaska Fairbanks revisited the study, she found only about
30% of letters arrived.  One result stands up: 
A few well-connected individuals can act as gate-keepers,
passing data to the wider world.  --Dan Veragano in USA TODAY

There are more than 200 satellites orbiting earth solely
for the purpose of private communications services,
including pagers, telephones, and computers.

A male kangaroo is called a boomer, and a female is
called a flyer.

From YOU The Reader's Dept.:
It may be only semantics, but as far as I know everyone educated
or not, has the same death rate - 100%. Everyone dies eventually.
As far as educated people have longer life spans is concerned, it
is not necessarily the education itself that leads to the longer
life span but rather it is due the lifestyle resulting from the
education. Better health care, better living conditions and less
dangerous occupations to name a few.
I enjoy the trivia - keep up the good work! --Peter L.

*grin* It makes people wonder!
~AIKEN~





Stuffed Flounder

1 whole flounder
1 cup butter, divided
1/2 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped onion
3 cups chicken-flavored dry bread stuffing mix
1 (6 ounce) can lump crabmeat
1 (4 ounce) can small shrimp, liquid reserved
1 teaspoon Old Bay Seasoning  or to taste
1 teaspoon Cajun seasoning (optional)
****************************************************
Preheat the oven to 300  Lay the fish down dark side up.
Make an incision next to the backbone on both sides,
stopping before the head and tail. Slip the knife in between
the flesh and backbone and run the knife down the ribs
on both sides of the backbone.
Melt 1/2 cup of butter in a skillet over medium heat.
Saute the onion and celery in the butter until just tender.
Place the stuffing mix into a bowl, and stir the onion and
celery into it along with the butter in the pan. Mix in the crab
and shrimp with their juices, adding a little more liquid, or more
stuffing to get a good consistency.
Melt the remaining butter, and brush some of it onto a
cookie sheet. Stuff the stuffing mixture into the pockets
of the flounder, and place the stuffed fish on the cookie sheet.
Brush the outside of the fish with melted butter, and season
with the Old Bay and if desired, Cajun seasoning.
Bake for about 25 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven,
or just until the flounder flakes easily with a fork.





Chicken Andouille Gumbo by request

12 cups water
3 pounds chicken parts
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 1/2 pounds okra
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 pound  Andouille sausage or ground
1 (28 ounce) can Italian-style whole peeled tomatoes
1 green bell pepper, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 bay leaf
2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon dried basil
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
**********************************************************    
Combine water and chicken in large pot. Bring to boil.
Reduce heat and simmer until chicken is tender, about 1 hour.
Using tongs, transfer chicken to strainer and cool, saving
cooking liquid. Remove meat from bones in pieces.
Heat 2 tablespoons oil in heavy skillet over medium heat.
Add okra and cook until no longer sticky,
stirring frequently, about 20 minutes.
Stir flour and remaining 1/2 cup oil in heavy large Dutch oven.
Cook over medium heat until deep golden brown, stirring
frequently, about 6 minutes. Add 4 cups reserved chicken
cooking broth, okra, sausage, tomatoes with their juices,
bell pepper, celery, garlic, bay leaf, salt, thyme, basil,
cayenne, and pepper. Cover partially and simmer until thickened,
about 1 1/2 hours.
Spoon off any fat from surface of gumbo.
Add chicken to gumbo and simmer 15 minutes.
(If preparing ahead, cover and refrigerate.
Bring to simmer before serving.) Mound rice in shallow bowls
if desired. Ladle gumbo over and serve.


Going down



Frozen Grape Dessert

This is a real simple recipe but everyone really loves them
and they are so refreshing.
Buy lots of seedless grapes, your choice of kind.
Strip them from the branches and wash them well.
Fill a plastic bag with the grapes and just take a box of
Jello-flavor is your choice- and pour enough into the
bag to coat all the grapes.  Shake them around to coat them.
Stick the bag in the freezer and when frozen, they are ready to eat.
Eat them frozen.
The kids love them and so do the adults


When my friend was pregnant, she was having a hard time with the weight
she'd gained. One day her husband persuaded her to go to the beach for the
day. "There I sat, with my bulges and potbelly," she told me later, "and
this gorgeous girl, about 18 years old, walked by in a fluorescent pink
micro bikini. And I started to cry."

"When my husband asked what was wrong," she continued,
"I said, 'Just look at that beautiful teenager. My body will never look like
that again"

"He rolled over and glanced at the girl in pink, and--here's how I know I've
married a special man--he took my hand and kissed it. "You know what,
Honey?" he said. Neither will hers."





Three citizens of the former Soviet Eastern Bloc - a Pole, a Czech, and a
Jew - were accused of spying and were sentenced to death. Each man was
granted one last wish.

"I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Pilsudski," said the Pole.

"I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Masaryk," said the Czech.

"And I," said the Jew, "want my ashes scattered over the grave of Comrade
Kosygin."

"But that's impossible," he was told. "Kosygin isn't dead yet."

"Fine," said the Jew. "I can wait."


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Enough said (G)



Boy vs Girl  Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
GIRL: Why not?
BOY : I'm broke.

BOY : I can't leave you.
GIRL: Do you love me so much?
BOY : It's not that. You're standing on my foot.

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL: Did you miss me while I was away?
BOY : Were you away?

GIRL: Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night?
BOY : What time was it?

GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number?

GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.

GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve?

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL: How soon?





The differences between how a woman and a man uses a drive-through banking
machine.  Here is his and hers Automatic Teller Machine (ATM) usage
explained...

HIS:
1.  Pull up to ATM
2.  Insert card
3.  Enter PIN number and account
4.  Take cash, card and receipt

HERS

1.  Pull up to ATM
2.  Check makeup in rear-view mirror
3.  Shut off engine
4.  Put keys in purse
5.  Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6.  Hunt for card in purse
7.  Insert card
8.  Hunt in purse for wrapper with PIN number written on it
9.  Enter PIN number
10.  Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11.  Hit "cancel"
12.  Re-enter correct PIN number
13.  Check balance
14.  Look for envelope
15.  Look in purse for pen
16.  Make out deposit slip
17.  Endorse checks
18.  Make deposit
19.  Study instructions
20.  Make cash withdrawal
21.  Get in car
22.  Check makeup
23.  Look for keys
24.  Start car
25.  Check makeup
26.  Start pulling away
27.  STOP
28.  Back up to machine
29.  Get out of car
30.  Take card and receipt
31.  Get back in car
32.  Put card in wallet
33.  Put receipt in chequebook
34.  Enter deposits and withdrawals in chequebook
35.  Clear area in purse for wallet and chequebook
36.  Check makeup
37.  Put car in gear, reverse
38.  Put car in drive
39.  Drive away from machine
40.  Travel 3 miles
41.  Release parking brake





Groaner  Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man lost two buttons from his shirt and put them in his pants pocket. But
the pocket had a hole, so the buttons fell into his shoe. Unfortunately, the
shoe sole also had a hole, so he lost the buttons.

Since pockets with holes, holes without buttons, and shoe soles with holes
are useless, the man ripped the buttonholes out of his shirt and the pocket
from his pants and tossed them in the trash along with the soles of his
shoes. After looking in a mirror at the holes in his clothing, he decided to
toss his clothes in the trash as well.

A policeman observed all this and asked the man for identification. The man
produced a document that he was an ordained minister of the gospel.

So, of course, the policeman promptly escorted him to a mental institution.
The minister protested violently, asking why he was receiving such unjust
treatment.

"Look, it's the best place for you now," the policeman replied. "Anyone
claiming to be a preacher, but who doesn't save souls or wear holy clothes
has probably lost his buttons."


Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of Africa a  man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: "That happens in most countries, son."





The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be
using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use
attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision: 1. There are now
more attorneys than there are rats. 2. The medical researchers don't become
as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats. 3. No
matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats won't do.





Think of a number.

Multiply it by 3.

Now add 5.

Take away the number you first thought of.

Now add 7.

Subtract 2.

Add back the number you first thought of.

Now, close your eyes.







Dark, isn't it?


An Italian guy and a Jewish guy went out to dinner one night. They went to a
very expensive restaurant and were at the restaurant for a couple of hours,
talking and carrying on.

Finally, the waiter came over and asked, "Who should I give the check to?"

The Italian guy said, "Give it to me. I'll take care of everything."

"Fine," said the waiter.

The next day the headlines read: "Jewish Ventriloquist Strangled to Death."





========================= The Thieving Joker =========================
Stolen from: Bonehead-Of-The-Day
To sign up --> http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com
All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2002 by Jerry
Lerman. All Rights Reserved.
==================== http://www.ThievingJoker.net ====================

Bonehead award one, a "too dumb to be a criminal bonehead award," goes
to a Mentor, Ohio man who, while spray painting obscene phrases onto
the walls of a local skate park, proudly gave another park visitor his
name when asked and then posed for pictures clearly showing the "$500
reward for vandal information" sign in the background, according to
police.

KOOI radio

------

Bonehead award three goes to a Vancouver, Washington woman who, while
addressing a Clark County Superior Court judge to explain a late
payment for her boyfriend's fine, pulled her hands from her pocket as
she began gesturing thus tossing a bag of methamphetamine into the
air, according to court officials who feel they made a good catch that
day.

MSNBC 13-Mar-02 http://www.msnbc.com/local/vcolptld/m159001.asp?cp1=1

------

Bonehead award four goes to the Smuckers company for creating a
temptation beyond the taste of their foods.

Archer & Valerie from XHEPR-FM radio in Juárez, Mexico wants you to
know that they have been finding jars of Smuckers brand fruit spread
with mold in them at their local market because people have been
following the label directions to "look under the cap to see if you've
won" a trip to Disney World, thereby leaving all the caps "kooshed"
and everyone one else a looser.

They say "one jar we bought had a half-inch of mold growing on it."

Archer & Valerie XHEPR-FM, Juárez, Mexico





Italian police forced a driver to search a half-mile stretch of
roadway for three hours for a cigarette he flicked out his window. He
was fined about $15 since he never found his butt.

He says he's been mistreated.

Ananova 26-Mar-02 http://www.ananova.com/yournews/story/sm_553663.html





Bonehead award four goes to all those people who buy the "Original
Hollywood Celebrity Diet Juice."

The following interview comes from the Gene Weingarten column in the
Washington Post:

Weingarten: I see that you say you can lose up to 10 pounds in two
days by drinking this juice, but when you read the fine print, it
tells you not to consume food or alcohol during the two days. Is that
right?

Kim (at customer service): Correct.

W: So basically, you are promising that if you starve yourself totally
for two days, you will lose weight?

Kim: It's also working to burn fat while you are fasting.

W: But you're starving yourself!

Kim: Well, that's what a fast is.

W: Selling a lot of this product, are we?

Kim: Yes, we're doing very well.

W: Is this a great country, or what?

Kim: Oh, yeah.

Washington Post 17-Mar-02
<http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A16296-2002Mar12.html>
or http://shorterlink.com/?LHTC4Q





Today's thought is: 020328
There are many realities.  We should remember this when we get
too caught up in being concerned about the way the rest of the
world lives or how we think they live.
--Natalie Goldberg

One of the most elusive truths we'll ever struggle to grasp is that
everyone has a unique perspective about every circumstance, a
perspective that reflects a personal understanding of the universe. 
We never doubt that truth for ourselves, of course.  We simply fail
to acknowledge that it's true for everyone else too.

There are times we can't shake the need to be right; our egos seem
to depend on it.  Unfortunately, we can't maintain any real
peacefulness if we are always in conflict with others who have
their own viewpoints.  Winning the "battle" then becomes a painful
victory.  Believing in valid, separate realities is only difficult at
first.  But like any other opinion or attitude, it can become habit
with enough practice.  We have nothing to lose by giving it a try.

I don't need everyone to agree with me today.  I only think I do.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today's meditation comes from the book
A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey copyright 1994
available through our online bookstore at:
http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=5433





Banana-Oatmeal Breakfast Brulée (serving 4)

4 cups fat-free milk
2 cups quick-cooking rolled oats
1/4 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons brown sugar, divided
1 cup low-fat French vanilla yogurt
2 bananas, peeled and thinly sliced
**************************************************************
Combine milk, rolled oats, and 2 tablespoons of the brown
sugar in a large saucepan and mix well. Bring to a boil over
medium heat. Continue to cook, stirring constantly for 1 minute.
Spoon 1 cup of the oatmeal into  4  dishes ovenproof bowls.
Press the oatmeal down with the back of a spoon to spread it
evenly over the bottom of the dish. Top each serving with
1/4 cup of the yogurt, spreading it evenly over the entire
surface. Arrange 1/2 of a sliced banana evenly over the top
of each serving and then sprinkle each with 1 tablespoon
of the remaining brown sugar.
Arrange the dishes on a baking sheet or in a large baking pan
and place under a preheated broiler until the sugar starts to bubble
and turn dark, about 1 to 2 minutes. Serve immediately.





Quick and Easy Glazed Ham Slices

1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 and 1/2 t flour
1/2 t ground mustard
2 Tbls. ginger ale
1 Tbls. vinegar
2 Fully cooked ham slices (1/2-inch thick and 1/2 to 3/4 lbs.)
***********************************************
In a large skillet, combine brown sugar, flour, mustard
ginger ale and vinegar. Bring to a boil over low heat;
cook and stir for 2 minutes or until sugar is dissolved
and sauce is thickened. Add ham slices and heat through.


Now this reminds me of James !


Asian Pudding with Fruit

2 TBLSPNS water
1 envelope unflavored gelatin
1/2 cup sugar
1-1/4 cups cold water
3/4 cup evaporated milk
1 Tbls almond extract
1 (15 oz.) can mandarin orange segments (drained)
1 (15 oz.) can pineapple tidbits (drained)
*****************************************************
In a small bowl, combine 2 TBLSPNS water and gelatin;
let stand 1 minute to soften. In a small saucepan, combine
sugar, 1-1/4 cups water, milk and softened gelatin; cook
and stir over medium-high heat until mixture boils. Remove
from heat; stir in almond extract. Pour mixture into
ungreased 8-inch square baking dish. Refrigerate about 2
hours or until mixture is set. To serve, cut pudding into
16 squares. Spoon orange segments and pineapple into 8
small bowls; top each with two pudding squares. Makes 8
servings.





Did Ya' Know: 020329
------------------------------------
How did a Mexican general help to bring chewing gum to
the U.S.A.? Santa Anna, who defeated Texans at the Alamo,
later sought exile in New York.  With him he brought a
chunk of chicle, a tree product that Mexicans had chewed
since ancient times.  Santa Anna showed it to an inventor
friend, who eventually marketed this chewing gum to Americans.

An adult female ladybug will eat about 300 medium-size
aphids before it lays eggs. About three to ten aphids
are eaten for each egg the beetle lays. More than 5,000
aphids may be eaten by a single adult in its lifetime.

The wettest spot in the U.S. is Mount Waialeale, on the
Hawaiian island of Kauai; it receives about 480 inches
of rainfall every year.  In contrast, Death Valley,
California, receives only 1.5 inches annually.

In 1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest
airplane flight. Orville was testing the Army's first
airplane and kept it aloft for 1 hour, 12 minutes and
40 seconds over Fort Myer, Virginia.

*grin* It makes people wonder!
~AIKEN~





& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are 189 seconds for 28K modem,
112 seconds for 56k modem & 52 seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David 1