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The News letter, 020328








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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.



Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!





[||||]      C H U M P    C H A N G E  [||||]     

The tab for posting a First Class missive will spike to 37 cents come
July.    (AP)

Postal poobahs cite the increasing cost of pepper spray.





Puerto Rican Pork Roast by request

3 pounds bone-in pork roast
1 dash hot pepper sauce
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 (5 ounce) jar stuffed green olives
3 ounces sliced pepperoni sausage
4 cloves garlic, sliced
 salt and pepper to taste
3/4 cup water
 ********************************************************************   

Rub the roast all over with salt and pepper, hot pepper sauce and
Worcestershire sauce. Let marinate in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Using a small boning knife, carefully poke holes about 1 inch deep
and 1 inch apart all over the roast. While making each cut twist
the knife and insert a drop of hot sauce, wedge of pepperoni,
garlic sliver and one olive into each cut.
Place roast in a roasting pan and pour in the water. Bake at 350
for about 30 minutes per pound or until an internal temperature
of 160 degrees is met. Remove from oven, tent with foil and let
roast stand for 10 minutes before carving.





Green Bean Salad with Chicken submitted by Susan
 
cherry tomatoes, halved ( 1 cup )
- red lettuce leaves -
fresh parsley ( 2 Tbsp )
vinegar ( 2 Tbsp)
olive oil( 1 Tbsp)
1 clove garlic, minced
dijon mustard (1 tsp)
salt(1/2 tsp)
granulated sugar (1/4 tsp)
coarsely ground black pepper (1/4 tsp)
finely chopped red onion( 1/2 cup)
 green beans (1 lb)
cooked chicken (8 oz )
*****************************************************************
In large bowl, whisk together vinegar, oil, garlic, mustard, salt,
sugar and pepper. Add onion and toss well. Set aside.
In large pot of boiling salted water, cook beans for 5 to 7
minutes or until beans are tender crisp. Drain and refresh under
cold water. Pat dry. Add to bowl.
Cut chicken into strips; add to bowl along with tomatoes; toss.
Serve on lettuce lined plates; garnish with parsley.
Makes 4 servings.







Diabetic Pineapple Upside-Down Cake submitted by Susan

1 can (14 ounces) unsweetened crushed pineapple in juice,
undrained
1/4 cup pecan pieces (optional)
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1-3/4 teaspoons Equal for Recipes or 6 packets Equal sweetener
1 t cornstarch
4 tablespoons margarine, at room temperature
3-1/2 teaspoons Equal(r) for Recipes or 12 packets Equal
1 egg
1 cup cake flour
1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon ground ginger
1/3 cup buttermilk
*************************************************************
Drain pineapple, reserving 1/4 cup juice.

Mix pineapple, pecans, 1 tablespoon lemon juice, 1-3/4 teaspoons
Equal for Recipes or 6 packets Equal sweetener and cornstarch
in bottom of 8-inch square or 9-inch round cake pan; spread
mixture evenly in pan.
Beat margarine and 3-1/2 teaspoons Equal(r) for Recipes or 12
packets Equal sweetener in medium bowl until fluffy; beat in egg.
Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda and spices in small
bowl. Add to margarine mixture alternately with buttermilk,
1/4 cup reserved pineapple juice and remaining 1 tablespoon
lemon juice, beginning and ending with dry ingredients.
Spread batter over pineapple mixture in cake pan.
Bake in preheated 350ºF oven until browned and toothpick
inserted in center comes out clean, about 25 minutes.
Invert cake immediately onto serving plate. Serve warm or at room
temperature.





Fruit Cocktail Cake by request
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup white sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 (16 ounce) can fruit cocktail
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
*********************************************************************
Preheat oven to 350
Lightly grease one 9x9 inch square baking pan.
Combine the flour, white sugar, egg, baking soda, vanilla and
undrained fruit cocktail. Mix until blended. Pour batter into
the prepared pan and sprinkle the top with the brown sugar.
Bake at 350 for 40 minutes or until golden brown and firm.


Risk.pps, ya need that reader I told ya about for this one


Did Ya' Know: 020326
------------------------------------
The World's 10 Longest Rivers
               
Length in km   
               
  1.  Nile (North-East Africa) (6,695)

  2.  Amazon (South America) (6,516)

  3.  Chang Jiang (China) (6,380)

  4.  Mississippi - Missouri (U.S.A.) (6,019)

  5.  Ob-Irtysh (Russia) (5,570)
 
  6.  Yenisei-Angara (Russia) (5,550)

  7.  Yellow River (Huang He) (China) (5,464)

  8.  Zaire (Congo) (4,667)

  9.  Mekong (Asia) (4,425)

 10.  Amur (Russia) (4,416)
          

This site from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention
provides addresses and price information for obtaining vital
records from all 50 states as well as Puerto Rico, Guam, and
the Canal Zone. How to Obtain Birth, Death, Marriage, and
Divorce Certificates.
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/howto/w2w/w2welcom.htm

That Chevy Jeff Gordon races looks a bit like one in the dealer's
showroom, but here are the particulars:

Model:  Monte Carlo
Sticker price:  $135,000
Hood:  $10 to $15 million for logo placement and sponsorship
Underhood:  V-8 engine, 750+ horsepower
Fuel:  Super-Duper Premium Unleaded, 108 octane
MPG:  4.5 in a 22-gallon tank
Tires:  $1400 for four at some 12 sets per race, filled
with nitrogen instead of air
Headlights:  None..decals are applied to make it look like a
family auto
Doors:  None..Drivers are safer without them.

Animals can actually get jealous.  Males are notoriously
so, and females get that way too.  House sparrows kill the
offspring of females mating with their "husbands."

From YOU The Reader's Dept.:
I think the cincinati reds are the oldest franchise in baseball.
--Don Akins

*grin* It makes people wonder!
~AIKEN~





EMPLOYEES



Re: NEW COMPANY POLICES:
SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here,
you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything.
We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a
breach of employment.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to
have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled
in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your
lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share
of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence.

YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two
weeks notice as it is your duty to train your replacement.

REST ROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future,
we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance,
those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees
whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you're
unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day
when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees
may swap their time with another coworker. Both employees' supervisors
in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict
3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3-minutes, an alarm bell
will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

PAYCHECK GUIDE:

The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better
understand their paychecks:

Gross Pay $1,222.02
Income Tax $244.40
Outgo Tax $45.21
State Tax $11.61
Interstate Tax $61.10
County Tax $6.11
City Tax $12.22
Rural Tax $4.44
Back Tax $1.11
Front Tax $1.16
Side Tax $1.61
Up Tax $2.22
Down Tax $1.11
Tic Tacs $1.98
Thumbtacks $3.93
Carpet Tacks $0.98
Stadium Tax $0.69
Flat Tax $8.32
Surtax $3.36
Corporate Tax $2.60
Parking Fee $5.00
FICA $81.88
TGIF Fund $9.95
Life Insurance $5.85
Health Insurance $16.23
Dental Insurance $4.50
Mental Insurance $4.33
Reassurance $0.11
Disability $2.50
Ability $0.25
Liability $3.41
Unreliability $10.99
Coffee $6.85
Coffee Cups $66.51
Floor Rental $16.85
Chair Rental $0.32
Desk Rental $4.32
Union Dues $5.85
Union Don'ts $3.77
Cash Advance $0.69
Cash Retreats $121.35
Overtime $1.26
Undertime $54.83
Eastern Time $9.00
Central Time $8.00
Mountain Time $7.00
Pacific Time $6.00
Time Out $12.21
Oxygen $10.02
Water $16.54
Heat $51.42
Cool Air $26.83
Hot Air $20.00
Miscellaneous $113.29
Sundry $12.09
Various $8.01
NET PAY.......$0.02
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. All questions,
comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternations or input should be directed
elsewhere. Have a nice week.

HUMAN RESOURCES






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Today's thought is: 020326
To believe in something not yet proved and to underwrite it with
our lives; it is the only way we can leave the future open.
--Lillian Smith

Today stands before us, ready for our involvement.  And it will
offer us opportunities for personal growth and occasion to help
another make progress on her path to the future.  Challenges are to
be expected.  They further our purpose.  They foster our maturity.

How different it is, for many of us, to look forward today with
secure anticipation, to trust in what the future holds!  We can still
remember, all too vividly perhaps, the darker periods in our lives,
periods that seemed to hold no promise; a time when we dreaded
the future, fearing it would only compound those awful times.

The fear and the dread are not gone completely.  They hover about
us, on occasion.  They no longer need to darken all of a day,
however.  We can recognize their presence as parts of our whole,
not all of it.  How free we are, today!  Our choices are many.

I can step toward today with assurance, reaching out to others
along the way, trusting that my accumulated steps add stability to
my future.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today's meditation comes from the book
Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey copyright 1982, 1991
available through our online bookstore at:
http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=1076





A Pennsylvania man who cleans and reuses dental floss has
been named the Cheapskate of the Year.

Pete Norris washes a strip of floss and sterilizes it with alcohol
after each use for 14 days. He beat off competition from a man
who cools drinks cans in his toilet tank to win the First Annual
Philadelphia Inquirer Cheapskate Contest.

The newspaper says the 300 entries had to be "eye-opening",
"clever", "detailed", "morally sound" and "legal".

Mr. Norris, 76, said, "I am a frugal flosser. I hate to daily
discard a long length of essentially unworn dental floss. So I
have devised a procedure which is 96% more cost-effective
than the standard technique. This saves me $5.06 a year."

The technique is to tie a loop with a 10-inch piece of floss to
minimize waste. After each use it's rinsed under running water
and sterilized using a small amount of alcohol before being
hung up to dry.

He also saves money by cutting his own hair using "a series
of mirrors, some scissors and various other implements".

Other runners up include a family who plug the shower drain
and use the water to flush the toilet, and the man who goes
to strangers' funerals for the free food.





10 Creative Ways To Use Eggs On Easter:
 
* Paint your enemy's faces in them and use them as voodoo
   puppets.

* Put one in your microwave and watch it blow up.

* Be a scientist: test what is the lowest height that causes an
   egg to smash when dropped.

* Break a couple of eggs and put them in a plastic carrier. Hide
   the carrier behind your friend's cupboard and wait for a couple
   of days.

* Break some eggs and put your hands in the fluid. Pretend you
   are fighting with a slime from outer space.

* Put an egg on the top of your little sister's head and play William
  Tell.

* Throw eggs to people on the street and tell them to smile
    because you are from Candid Camera.

* Cook creative omelettes using caramel and chocolate sauces.

* Peel an egg and cut the shell in two parts. Draw black dots to
   the outer surface of them. Stick them to glasses and wow, you
   have got nice fancy glasses.





Please read.  I say Amen.


Views of a Texas Doctor

I was just reading Yahoo news and the San Antonio Express newspaper.You
know what upsets me? People with absolutely nothing to do with their
lives,
so they complain on how the U.S. is treating the prisoners or "Detainees"
from Afghanistan. Do you know why they are complaining? They see a picture
on the news or the Internet and they see someone who is shackled and
blindfolded and
walking with two armed guards behind razor wire. This picture tells them
they are treated unfairly. Here is what I see....I see a thin, sickly
looking person who under severe mental duress from being bombed, was
cleaned up, given a haircut to prevent infestation of parasites, and given
new clothes and shoes to wear. I see a person who is given three nutrious
meals per day and a bed to sleep in in a tropical climate, not the cold
desert floor of Afghanistan, eating worms, bugs, and goat. I see a person
who will be able to get relief from their pains and illnesses without
paying a dime for medical expenses. They will get rest, educated, and
their
mental stress levels will have dropped tremendously because they were
taken
out of a combat area and will not be shot at again. I see these people
blindfolded and shackled behind razor wire. I have the intellectual
ability
to understand why they are this way. For those that do not have this
ability, let me explain it to you. They are blindfolded to protect OUR
U.S.
SOLDIERS from further harm. These people can not plan to destroy something
if they can not see it. They are shackled because these same people have
proven they will easily give up
their lives to kill just ONE AMERICAN. We are protecting their life as
well
as our own. The razor wire is a mental deterrent, just like the little
alarm company warning signs most of you out there have on your home, but
don't have the actual alarm system. You would think many times over before
actually trying to cross that razor wire.

For all of you people out there thinking how bad these poor detainees have
it under such strict guard, you need to do a lot more thinking about other
things in your life.

I was born on September 11th, 1966, and every birthday I have from now on
will never be a happy one. Why, do you ask? Because as I am out somewhere
trying to have a nice dinner, someone will have a candle or a ribbon or
something, crying about the anniversary of a national tragedy. And then I
will think, about how insignificant my one little birthday actually is
compared to everything else that had happened on that one day.

It boggles my mind that there are actually people out there in this world,
in leadership positions, head of companies that actually think that we are
doing something wrong when it comes to protecting our nation and our
people. These same people will be the first ones to complain about
something that happens to them when they are vacationing outside this
country. They will ask why the U.S. does not do anything about their
misfortune. These are the same people that complain about taxes and how
bad
their lives actually are.

If you receive this email, please pass it on to everyone in your address
book. I am not afraid or ashamed to speak my peace. I am an American, my
father fought for this country, and was willing to die for it. I am a New
Yorker, born and raised only miles from New York City. I know the people,
the city, and both are changed forever. I am a doctor, I understand the
pain, suffering, and anguish they have. May God look down upon us and feel
our sorrow and pain. For only He can relieve it for us. For only He can
stop the brutality that this world holds.

Dr. Steven Tomaselli Uvalde, Texas United States of America





Too many colleges and universities have teams that are known
as the Eagles, the Tigers, the Cougars, the Lions, the Panthers,
and so forth. It is a pleasure to discover the occasional team
with an unusual name. Here's some schools with unusual sport
team nicknames:

Anteaters             University of California, Irvine

Demon Deacons       Wake Forest University

Artichokes            Scottsdale Community College (Arizona)

Zips                   Akron University

Ragin' Cajuns         University of Louisiana -- Lafayette

Moles                 Nazareth College

Hoyas                 Georgetown University

Billikens               St. Louis University

Chokers               Grays Harbor College (Washington)

Armadillos            Our Lady of the Lake College (Texas)

Fighting Camels       Campbell University

Arabs                 Imperial Valley College

Gorillas               Pittsburgh State University (Kansas)

Gaels                  St. Mary's College

Wonder Boys         Arkansas Technological College

Hatters               Stetson College

Gentlemen            Centenary College

Horned Frogs         Texas Christian University

Catamounts           Western Carolina University

Moccasins             University of Tennessee at Chattanooga

Shockers              Wichita State University





& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are 129 seconds for 28K modem,
77 seconds for 56k modem & 35 seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David 1