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The News letter, 020328-4








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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.



Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!





APPLE ALMOND COFFEE CAKE

2 large apples, peeled, cored and chopped
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup almonds, chopped
1/2 cup raisins
1 egg
1/3 cup butter or margarine, melted
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
1 cup flour
1 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp cardamom
1/4 tsp salt

Toss apples with sugar, almonds and raisins. Beat eggs
with butter and vanilla and stir into apple mixture.

Combine flour, baking soda cinnamon, allspice, cardamom
and salt in a separate bowl.

Stir dry ingredients into apple mixture only enough to moisten
all ingredients. Spoon into a greased 8" baking dish and bake
in a preheated 350 degree oven for about 45 minutes.
Cool slightly before cutting.





Jones applied to a finance agency for a job, but
he had no experience. He was so intense that the
manager gave him a tough account with the promise
that if he collected it, he'd get the job.
Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire
amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you
do it?"
"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn't
pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid
us."






Pork and Pear Pasta

1 lb Mostaccioli, Ziti or other medium pasta shape, uncooked
29 oz can pear halves packed in heavy syrup, undrained
1 TBLSPN plus 1 t cornstarch
2 TBLSPNS low-sodium soy sauce
2 t sesame oil
1 lb lean boneless pork, cut julienne
1/4 t ground red pepper
1 t vegetable oil
1 cup chopped red bell pepper
2 TBLSPN balsamic vinegar (optional)
1/2 t whole thyme
2 cups fresh spinach, sliced thinly
Salt and pepper to taste

********************************************************************
Prepare pasta according to package directions.
While pasta is cooking, drain and chop pears, reserving
1 1/2 cups of juice.
Blend cornstarch and soy sauce until smooth.
Sprinkle pork with ground red pepper.
In a large non-stick skillet, heat oil over high heat.
Add pork and stir-fry until thoroughly cooked.
Remove pork from skillet and set aside.
Add bell pepper to skillet and saut 1 minute.
Add pears and thyme.
Cook until thoroughly heated, stirring constantly.
Add pork, reserved juice, cornstarch mixture, sesame oil, and
vinegar, if desired.
Cook until thickened and bubbly, stirring occasionally.
Drain pasta.
Place in a large bowl.
Add pork mixture and toss.
Add spinach and toss well.
Salt and pepper to taste.
Serve immediately.


Spiced Applesauce Banana Bread

1 1/4 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup sugar
2 t baking powder
2 t cinnamon
1 t allspice
1/2 t ginger
1/4 t salt
1 beaten egg
2 med bananas, mashed
3/4 cup unsweetened applesauce
2 TBLSPN canola oil
1/3 cup fat free milk
**********************************************************
Preheat oven to 350. In a large bowl, combine the flours,
sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, allspice, ginger and salt.
In a med. bowl, combine the egg, bananas, applesauce, oil
and milk. Add the banana mixture slowly to the flour mixture
and mix until just combined. Do not overbeat.
Spray a 9x5x3" loaf pan with nonstick spray. Dust the pan
lightly with flour. Pour the batter into the prepared pan.
Bake the banana bread for 45 - 50 mins until a knife inserted
in the center comes out clean. Let the bread cool in the
pan for 15 mins. Then turn the loaf out onto a rack and
cool completely. Makes 1 loaf





Did Ya' Know: 020327
------------------------------------
A horseshoe for a full-grown Clydesdale measures more
that 22 inches from end to end and weighs about five
pounds. It is more than two times as long and four
times as heavy as a shoe worn by a riding horse.

More education means longer life. Death rates are lower
among college graduates than among people who did not
complete high school.

White mustard seeds are used to make yellow mustard; the
color comes from turmeric. Spicy mustards are concocted
from brown mustard seeds.

Tuberculosis is one of the world's oldest diseases. Some
ancient mummies found in Egypt and Peru had tuberculosis.

From YOU The Reader's Dept.:
Chicago Cubs were first MLB team.
--Bobjr VaBchVA

*grin* It makes people wonder!
~AIKEN~





How "Not" To Get Shot By Police

Recently, in an area on the West Coast, an inordinate number of
police-officer-involved shootings have taken place. As a result, several
suspects have been fatally injured. Newspapers in the area, quoting local
"community activists," have editorialized that, with all these shootings by
police, "any citizen" could find himself dodging police bullets, for no
apparent reason at all!
Responding to the newspaper editorial, a Deputy District Attorney, who is
obviously community minded, submitted a five point plan. The plan is
designed to assist citizens, who might otherwise be randomly shot by police,
in staying out of the path of police bullets.
The newspaper never printed it, but I thought you might appreciate it, even
if they didn't.

"I've devised a five point plan to help citizens avoid being shot by police.
This plan may not prevent all shootings, but very few will take place when
the plan is rigorously adhered to. So, here are the rules:


1. Don't commit violent crimes.
I know this seems elementary, but this rule is lost on many. They do the
crime, get shot, and then wonder how it could possibly happen. They whine
that it is so unfair.
Well, violent crime, like jumping in front of moving cars, is just a high
risk occupation.


2. If you ignore rule No. 1, and the police do confront you, Don't run
away from them. I know it's hard to believe, but that may make them think
you're guilty of something. Hiding in bushes or closets makes some cops
very nervous. They might even foolishly conclude that you're up to no good!

3. If you disregard rules 1 and 2, and the cops catch up with you anyway
and inform you that you are under arrest, Don't make fast movements with
your hands. I know it sounds silly, but grabbing a shiny beer can or a dark
colored wallet may make police officers mistakenly believe that you are
about to hurt them.


4. If you disregard rules 1, 2, and 3, and manage to get what looks like a
deadly weapon into your hands, Don't point it at the cops. We all know that
you're basically a nice person, but that may be lost on the police officers
confronting you. In their paranoia, they may even believe they need to
protect themselves.

5. If you disregard rules 1, 2, 3, and 4, Don't be astonished if the cops
do not instantly turn into your personal confidante. They may be too
preoccupied to realize that you're normally a splendid person and that
you're just having a bad day. They may be too preoccupied to see that when
you point a weapon at them in a threatening manner, it is just your way of
crying out for help. We both know that the whole problem can be traced to
the fact that your mother didn't breast feed you, but some police officers
are so cynical they just don't see it.

So, there you have it. If you really apply yourself and obey even some of
the rules listed above, I bet you'll avoid the vast majority of police
gunfire.


Cheri Lewis Deputy DA Los Angeles, California


I don't know if there is such a person as Cheri Lewis
But if it fits, Print it I always say.

David 1



An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a persistent pain in his
leg and wants a diagnosis and explanation.
The doctor checks out his leg, but can't find anything wrong, so
he gives the old man a full physical exam, and still can't come up
with any possible explanation for the pain.

The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, "I'm sorry, but the
pain in your leg is simply caused by old age; there's nothing I can
do about it."

The old man replies with a look of disbelief, "That's impossible!
That can't be!"

The Doctor says, "What do you mean? I'm the expert here; if you
know so much, how can you say it's NOT old age?"

The patient answers, "I'm no doctor but it doesn't take a medical
degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you're mistaken.
After all, my other leg feels just fine."

"So what?" says the doctor "What difference does that make?"

"Well, it doesn't hurt a bit, and it's the SAME AGE!"





Archaeology Chips From Westpac
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

German scientists dug 50 meters down and discovered small
pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time,
Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years
ago had a nation-wide telephone net.

Naturally, the Russian government was not that easily impressed.
They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters
down they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced
that the ancient Russians 35,000 years ago already had a nation-
wide fiber net.

American scientists were outraged by this. They dug 200 meters
down & found absolutely nothing. They happily concluded that the
ancient Americans 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.





Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many
criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved
unusually helpful. To determine the exact quantity of the
illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the
prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce. As both
attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not
yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3
grams in an ounce, your honor." His attorney advised him to
plead guilty.





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Today's thought is: 020327
.we do not always like what is good for us in this world.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

Today will call each of us to make our particular contributions to
the moment. There is no guarantee that we will enjoy every
experience, but we can be certain each one of them will teach us
something we're ready to learn because "when the student is ready,
the teacher appears."

Little reflection is necessary for us to realize that our most
troubling times have generally been responsible for our greatest
growth. Our achievements are always accompanied by periods of
frustration, occasional loss of direction, even momentary despair
because the actual results miss the mark of our hopes. However,
the passage of time makes clear that these actual results benefit us
far more than those we'd hoped for.

Our personal vision is narrow and limiting. We can't really
imagine what's in store for us. The most we can do is trust that our
experiences have our best interests in tow.

I'll remember: Today I'm a student and my experiences are my
teachers.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today's meditation comes from the book
The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg copyright 1983, 1991
available through our online bookstore at:
http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=1045





Stupid News

The German government has ruined a man's life because, having
the same name as a man who died in the Concorde disaster,
they have officially listed him as being dead.

So they, among other things,

Seized his savings,
Froze his bank account,
Cancelled his driving license.

And because he couldn't pay is ex-wife her maintenance payments,
she has taken him to court.

So, can't he just go to court to get the issue resolved by
proving he's alive?

Nope, he tried this. Court officials have refused to proceed
because ... you guessed it ... he's officially dead!

But there is some promise. He started getting his mail
delivered again.

UK Mirror 1-Jun-01

Provided by http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com





Today's Useless Facts:

1. The official language of Costa Rica is Spanish.

2. Penguins are not an endangered species because of the
Antarctic Treaty.

3. Former basketball player Michael Jordan's mother's name is
Deloris.

4. Mythical figure Hercules killed his music teacher with a
lyre.

5. Indian astronomers have been mapping the skies for more than
3500 years.

Thousands of more useless facts at: http://www.uselessfacts.net


Personally, I think one of the greatest things about
marriage is that as both husband and father, I can
say anything I want to around the house. Of course,
no one pays the least bit of attention."
- Anonymous


A harried driving instructor came home from work,
kicked off his shoes, and fell into a chair. "I'm thinking
of taking six or seven of my students to England,"
he said.
"What on earth for?" his wife asked.
"It might make them feel good to see what it's like to
drive on the left side of the road-legally."


Now that feeling I know



One day my housework-challenged husband decided to
wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he
shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing
machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your
shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."


Truck Driver, Priest and the Lawyer


A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over
lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road.
Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road,
he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud
"THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. One
day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a
priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good deed,
so he pulled the truck over.

He asked the priest, "Where are you going, father?"

"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied
the priest.

"No problem, father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the
truck."

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the
truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck
driver spotted a lawyer walking down the road and
instinctively swerved to hit him.

But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck
with him, so at the last minute he swerved back onto the
road, narrowly missing the lawyer. However, even though
he was certain that he missed the lawyer, he still heard
a loud "THUD."

Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced
in his mirrors, and, when he didn't see anything, he
turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, father. I
almost hit that lawyer."

"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"





Louisiana Law
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up onhis tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Louisiana. We rule ourselves under the Napoleonic Code. We settle small disagreements like this with the Louisiana Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Louisiana Three Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees where he immediately vomited.
The geezer's second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face.
The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his dark heart, vengeful will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."



<LOL>, no comment



[||||] S L I C E O ' L I F E [||||]

John Wayne Bobbitt, victim of that 1993 midnight circumcision at the
hands of then wife Lorena, has I doed in Vegas with 31 year old Joanna
Ferrell. (LA Daily News)

How much you bet she drives a used car with a taped gear shift lever?


[||||] B E E R T O W N B U S T [||||]

A Milwaukee pedophile was nabbed after he sought advice from Dear Abby
who immediately turned his letter over to the proper authorities. (US
News)

If he'd signed his name as a priest, he'd have just been reassigned to a
fresh parish.


Basketball legend Magic Johnson wants to be elected mayor
of LA.

Mr. Johnson said, "I'm going to run because the city needs a
new voice, a new vision, and I think that I could do the job.
And I would run for the people, not for me. It would be for
the people of Los Angeles."

Johnson, 42, who is now a sports commentator. He retired
from basketball in 1996.





Did Ya Know Or Do Ya Care?

Gorillas purr just like cats!


Linda meets up with Jill as she is picking her car
up from the mechanic.

Linda asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"

Jill replies, "Yes, thank goodness. I was worried
that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was
relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker
fluid."


The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it
to his chair before he dropped exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool
drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she
said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened
to make you so exhausted?"

"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke
down and all of us had to do our own thinking."





& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are 213 seconds for 28K modem,
127 seconds for 56k modem & 58 seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David 1