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The News letter, 020328-3

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Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!


Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like
to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years
old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never
thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five!
That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold
you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few
ahead. "How old are you?"

"I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna'
be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life ... you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony
..........YOU BECOME 21...YESSSS!!!

Butá thená you turn 30.áá Oooohh,á what happened there?
Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED, we had to
throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a

What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you
TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.á Whoa!á Put on the
brakes, it's all slipping away !

Then, before you know it, you REACH 50 ...and your
dreams are gone. But wait, you MAKE it to 60. You didn't
think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50
and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that
you HIT 70!

After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle;
you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

My grandmother won't even buy green bananas!
It's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one!!

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going
backwards; "I was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you
become a little kid again.

áááááááááááááááááááááááááááá "I'm 100 and a half!

( George Carlin)

Did Ya Know Or Do Ya Care?

According to the phone company 85% of obscene phone calls
are made by males.

A good-sized man approached the ticket counter at United
Airlines and asked for a reservation from Los Angeles to New
York.á The clerk knew that the plane was very full with
baggage and passengers.
ááá "How much do you weigh, Sir?" asked the clerk.
ááá "With or without clothes?" the passenger asked.
ááá "Well, said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"

bad dog91


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If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.

Bad dog 92

A travelling salesman had been on the road for two months
and was finally on his way home. Feeling bad about having
been away from his children so long, he decided to buy
them a gift. So he stopped by a pet store and bought them
a cute little puppy.

Unfortunately, he was stopped on his way in by a stewardess
who told him, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't allow animals."

In desperation, the man popped into the men's room and
stuffed the puppy down the front of his pants, and put
his overcoat on to cover up. Then he reboarded the plane.

The plane took off, and a half-hour later, the stewardess
was making her rounds when she noticed that the salesman
was looking pale and fidgeting in his seat. She asked if
he was alright, and he said that he was just feeling a
little airsick.

However, fifteen minutes later, she noticed that he was
sweating and squirming his seat. The stewardess came back
and asked again if the salesman was alright.

He answered, "Well, actually, you know that puppy that you
said I couldn't bring on the plane? I stuffed it in my
pants and brought it onboard anyway."

"But sir," said the stewardess, "Why do you look so ill?"

"Well, apparently the darned thing isn't weaned yet."

An attorney had just finished a consultation with an elderly,
nearly blind widow, for which he charged her $100. The widow
opened her purse and removed a $100 bill. When the lawyer
accepted it, he noticed there was another 100 stuck to it.
Immediately the lawyers keen legal mind realized he was faced
with a vital ethical question:

Should he tell his partner?

Headlines From Around The Industry (03-26-02)

Diesel Prices Keep Rising; Up 3 Cents

Major roads in large cities need immediate repair

Nearly one-fourth - 23 percent - of major roads in the nation's largest urban areas have significant deterioration and need immediate repair or reconstruction, according to a report released March 14 by The Road Information Program (TRIP), a nonprofit transportation research group based in Washington, DC.

On The Web- - - http://www.landlinemag.com/todays_news/Daily/March02/032602.htm


Local Engine Brake Ban Spreading

OOIDA wants to hear from you.........Take the survey

On The Web - - -á http://www.ooida.com/Survey/brake_survey.htm

New Penn drivers reach 1 million safe miles

New Penn Motor Express recently recognized 13 employees who reached a career safety milestone during 2001: driving 1 million miles without a preventable accident.
On The Web -á-

Commercial drivers in West Virginia with CDL hazardous materials
endorsements were encouraged to renew their licenses now to beat delays
expected to be created by extensive background checks required by
anti-terrorism legislation.

On The Web - - http://www.ttnews.com/members/topNews/0008648.html

Trucker Dies After Forklift Accident

Let Us keep him and his family in our Prayers

On The Web - - http://www.truck.net/news2/2002/03/25/eng-fairfax/eng-fairfax_123322_910050110319578908.html



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Bad dog 94

THE WIT WIZARD savagely exposes America's frauds, fools,
freaks & foibles, harpoons the hypocrites and punctures the
pompous. Free politically incorrect social satire weekly...
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dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home

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áCallers found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an eight-week-old black Lab.

Hehehehehe Hugs,


Two Ojibwa Indians in a canoe had been blown far from shore
by a great wind. They had gone far and were hungry and lost.
They had little strength left to paddle, so they drifted before the

At last their canoe was blown onto a beach and they were glad,
but not for long. Looking for the tracks of animals, they saw some
huge footprints that they knew must be those of a giant. They were
afraid and hid in the bushes. As they crouched low, a big arrow
thudded into the ground close beside them. Then a huge giant
came toward them. A caribou hung from his belt, but the man was
so big that it looked like a rabbit. He told them that he did not
hurt people and he like to be a friend to little people, who seemed
to the giant to be so helpless. He asked the two lost Indians to come
home with him, and since they had no food and their weapons had
been lost in the storm at sea, they were glad to go with him.

An evil Windigo spirit came to the lodge of the giant and told the
two men that the giant had other men hidden away in the forest
because he like to eat them. The Windigo pretended to be a
friend, but he was the one who wanted the men because he was
an eater of people. The Windigo became very angry when the
giant would not give him the two men, and finally the giant became
angry too. He took a big stick and turned over a big bowl with it.

A strange animal which the Indians had never seen before lay on
the floor, looking up at them. It looked like a wolf to them, but the
giant called the animal 'Dog.' The giant told him to kill the evil
Windigo spirit. The beast sprang to its feet, shook himself, and
started to grow, and grow, and grow. The more he shook himself,
the more he grew and the fiercer he became. He sprang at the
Windigo and killed him; then the dog grew smaller and smaller
and crept under the bowl.

The giant saw that the Indians were much surprised and pleased with
Dog and said that he would give it to them, though it was his pet. He
told the men that he would command Dog to take them home. They
had no idea how this could be done, though they had seen that the
giant was a maker of magic, but they thanked the friendly giant for
his great gift.

The giant took the men and the dog to the seashore and gave the
dog a command. At once it began to grow bigger and bigger, until
it was nearly as big as a horse. The giant put the two men onto the
back of the dog and told them to hold on very tightly. As Dog ran
into the sea, he grew still bigger and when the water was deep
enough he started to swim strongly away from the shore.

After a very long time, the two Ojibwa began to see a part of the
seacoast that they knew, and soon the dog headed for shore. As
he neared the beach, he became smaller and smaller so that the
Indians had to swim for the last part of their journey. The dog left
them close to their lodges and disappeared into the forest. When
the men told their tribe of their adventure, the people though that
the men were speaking falsely. "Show us the little mystery animal,
Dog, and we shall believe you," a chief said.

A few moons came and went and then, one morning while the tribe
slept, the dog returned to the two men. It allowed them to pet it and
took food from their hands. The tribe was very much surprised to
see this new creature. It stayed with the tribe.

That, as the Indians tell, was how the first dog came to the earth.

As the sun would rise
We would face the east
To pray for all creations
From the birds to the beast
To thank our Creator
For another sacred day
Because all days are sacred
If you worship the Indian way

ęGene Martin, 1995


A crock-pot makes the ideal serving container for a hot
punch or hot dip. Keep it on the Low setting to maintain
the proper serving temperature

Use a crock-pot to revive stale potato chips and crackers.
Place them in the pot but do not cover. Heat on low setting
for 2 to 4 hours and they'll be crisp and warm.

Sugar and acidic foods, such as tomatoes, tend to have
hardening effect on beans; therefore, always soften beans
by soaking thoroughly before using them in baked beans,
chili, and similar recipes.

In a recipe, you can substitute 1/3 cup of unsweetened
cocoa plus 2 tablespoons of granulated sugar and 2
tablespoons butter or margarine for 3 ounces of
semi-sweet chocolate.


A citrus fruit, about the size of golf balls, and round. The fruits
are pale yellow-green, the juice is yellow and very tart, more
so than standard limes. Grow in Florida, the Keys and other
tropical places in the Caribbean.

The following is a favorite found for sale throught the Florida
Keys and in many of their restaurants


1 cup sweetened condensed milk
4 tb Key lime juice
4 tb all-purpose flour
2 cup unsweetened coconut flakes
4 tbsp sugar

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease 2 baking sheets.

Combine the condensed milk, Key lime juice, and flour in a
medium bowl. Stir in the grated coconut and then the sugar.
If using sweetened coconut, taste the mixture before adding
the sugar. Add the sugar only if you think it is necessary. The
cookie should have a tangy flavor from the Key lime juice.
Drop teaspoons of the mixture onto a baking sheet, leaving
2 inches between each cookie; they will spread while baking.
Bake for 25 minutes until they just start to turn golden. Remove
from the pan to a rack to cool. Store in an airtight container.
Makes about 30 cookies.


Plumber: "We repair what your husband fixed."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one Weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

At a Towing Company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg.
We want tows."

On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore: Rare, out-of-print, and
nonexistent books

On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."

Sign in Men's clothing store:"Wonderful bargains for men with
16 and 17 necks.

Door of a plastic surgeons office: "Hello, can we pick your nose?"


1 2-oz can water-packed tuna, drained
1 tbsp dill pickle relish
2 scallions, white part only, chopped
2 tbsp shredded reduced fat chaddar cheese
1 tbsp reduced-fat mayonnaise
2 hot dog buns

In a small bowl, flake tuna with a fork. Stir in dill pickle relish,
scallion, cheese, and mayonnaise. Partially open hot dog buns
and fill each with half of the tuna mixture. Wrap each filled bun
with microwave-safe plastic wrap or waxed paper.
Microwave on MEDIUM (50% power for 90 seconds or until
cheese melts. Carefully unwrap the buns and cut in half or leave
whole. Serve warm.

Nutritional Information Per Serving: Calories 187
11 g protein; 21 g carbohydrates; 14 mg cholestrol;
500 mg sodium
Exchanges: 1 lean meat, 1 1/2 starch

& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are 277 seconds for 28K modem,
165 seconds for 56k modem & 76 seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David 1