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The News letter, 020323








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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.



Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!


YUP, I know that feeling.


Did Ya' Know: 020323
------------------------------------
Why do some chefs wear tall white hats?  Legend has it that
royal cooks were once honored with cloth "crowns" that covered
any loose locks. Over time, the hats became white (to show
food stains) and taller (to better ventilate the head). 
Today this headwear remains a symbol of the master chef.

True or false?  Put ice on a burn.  FALSE!  Ice reduces the
blood flow, which can slow healing.  Instead, run cool water
on the burn for at least 10 minutes.  Then look at the spot. 
If it's blistered or charred, go to the ER.

Sweat itself is odorless, only when combined with bacteria
that are breaking down dead skin cells does it become smelly.
Smelly sweat is called bromohidrosis.  Sweat is composed of
water, sodium chloride, potassium salts, urea, and lactic acid.

*grin* It makes people wonder!
~AIKEN~


No Susan, this ain't me. St. Patrick's Day Engagement

An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally proposed  to his girl on St. Patrick's
Day.  He gave her  a ring with a synthetic diamond.  The excited  young lass
showed it to her father, a jeweler.   He took one look at it and saw it
wasn't real.

The young lass on learning it wasn't real  returned to her future husband.
She protested  vehemently about his cheapness.

"It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled.  "I gave you a sham
rock."


"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
       Paul Rodriguez






You are under arrest and....
1. No, I don't care who you are.
2. No, I don't care who you know.
3. Yes... you DO pay my salary.
4. Yes... you CAN have my job.
5. No, I don't have anything better to do.
6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.
7. No, I am not picking on you because you are________ (fill in).
8. No, I can't give you a break.
9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer __________(fill in).
10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.
11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again.
12. No, we can't talk about it.
13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.
14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.
Thank you, have a nice day.
Your Arresting Officer __________(fill in)


Unpleasent way to die # 71



21 Rules of Executive Combat, According to Murphy's Laws

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
4. There is always a way.
5. The easy way is always mined.
6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
7. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are
dangerous.
8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
        a. when you're ready for them.
        b. when you're not ready for them.
9. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
10. If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.
11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main
attack.
12. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow
down.
13. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
14. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
15. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
16. Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be
able to get out.
17. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
18. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat
zone.
19. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
20. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
21. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.


Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the Condo clubhouse when
Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead
at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five
complete their playing time standing up. Finkelstein looks around and
asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"They draw straws and Goldberg
picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any
worse. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch you will ever
meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Goldberg goes over
to the Meyerwitz apartment, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks
what he wants.

Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is
afraid to come home."

She hollers, "TELL HIM HE SHOULD DROP DEAD!"

Goldberg says, "OK I'll go tell him."


Know this feeling too!



A GOLFER sliced the ball from the tee over the hill into a valley. Hearing a
yell,he dashed to the top of the hill to see a man lying unconscious below.

When the golfer ran down to the man, the stricken fellow opened one eye and
said calmly,

"I'm a lawyer and I'm going to sue you for five thousand dollers."

"I'm so sorry," the golfer replied,"but I did yell 'Fore.'"

"I'll take it,"said the lawyer.


My husband is an Army helicopter pilot, and we never seem to live in
one place for very long.  Typically, during a move, we stay in a
hotel until we can find a permanent place to have our things
delivered.  Our children enjoy this greatly, although sometimes it
can be a bit confusing for them.  One day, as we were driving down an
interstate and passed a Holiday Inn, our three-year-old squeaked in
excitement from the backseat.

"Look!" he exclaimed.  "There's our old house!"





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Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started the
time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, "My dad's way
faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast ball from the
pitcher's mound and run and catch it just after it crosses the plate!"

One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot an arrow
from his bow and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the
arrow hits the bulls eye!"

The last boy said, "Your dads don't even come close to being faster
than mine. My dad works for the government, and even though he works
every day until 4:00 he gets home at 3:30!"


Now that's going to be a great marriage !


After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the
platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think
about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten
minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?"

Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter."


Today's thought is: 020323
It feels so good to cry .
--Susan Cygnet

Some of us were taught that it's bad to express our feelings
directly-crying, wailing, jumping up and down for joy-that it's
good manners to talk softly, slowly, and politely and to sit still.

But what happens to our feelings when we sit still?  If they don't
get expressed, they must be caught inside our bodies.  Trapped
feelings are like birds in a cage, or a rabbit in a trap-they try to
get out any way they can.  They peck on our heads and give us
headaches.  They scratch at our stomachs and make us hurt.

We must let them out.  We must laugh and cry.  Then our bodies
will be happy, and our feelings will curl up in our laps like happy
puppies.

Am I ignoring the physical symptoms of trapped feelings?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today's meditation comes from the book
Today's Gift by Anonymous copyright 1985, 1991
available through our online bookstore at:
http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=1031


The 13 Rules of Life

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"

7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her--believe them.

8. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?'

9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

12. Work is good, but it's not that important.

13. And finally... Be really nice to your friends and family. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.







ONLY A TRUE WEST VIRGINIAN KNOWS ........

Only a true West Virginian knows the difference between a
hissie fit and a conniption.

Nobody but a true West Virginian knows how many fish make
up a mess.

A true West Virginian can show or point out to you the
general direction of yonderways.

A true West Virginian knows exactly how long "directly"
is - as in "Going to town, be back directly."

Even true West Virginia babies know that "Gimme some sugar"
is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance
that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All true West Virginians know exactly when "by and by" is.

True West Virginians know instinctively that the best gesture
of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot
fried chicken and a big bowl of cold tater salad. (If the
trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add some hot
biscuits and nanner puddin'.

True West Virginians grow up knowing the difference between
"pert' near" and "a right far piece."

True West Virginians both know and understand the differences
between a redneck and a good ol' boy.

No true West Virginian would ever assume that the car with
the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

True West Virginians know that "fixin" can be used both as a
noun, verb and an adverb.

True West Virginians have always known that the West Virginian
is more American than America!

AMEN!!



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HISTORY LESSON:

What happens when a president gets elected in a year
with a "0"(zero) at the end?
Also notice it goes in increments of 20 years.

And LOOK!  Year 2000 is where it lands!

1840: William Henry Harrison (Died in Office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln (Assassinated)
1880: James A.  Garfield (Assassinated)
1900: William McKinley (Assassinated)
1920: Warren G.  Harding (Died in Office)
1940: Franklin D.  Roosevelt (Died in Office)
1960: John F.  Kennedy (Assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (Survived Assassination Attempt)
2000:
And to think that we had 2 guys duking it out in the
courts to be theone elected in 2000.
You might be interested in this next part.

Have a history teacher explain this ---- If they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F.  Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F.  Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the
White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born
in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born
in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.' Kennedy
was shot in a car called a 'Lincoln' made by Ford

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker:
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.





You know you're from Delaware when.......

1. You've never met any celebrities.

2. You know where, what and when the Hummers Parade is held.

3. "Vacation" means going to Rehoboth.

4. You know the best subs come from Capriottis.

5. You measure distance in minutes.

6. You get a drink of "wooder" from the kitchen "zink."

7. Your school classes were canceled because of 3 snowflakes.

8. The whole state panics because of 3 snowflakes.

9. You've ridden the school bus for 15 minutes each way.

10. You love the beach but hate the tourists.

11. You know about pumpkin-chunking and you have your favorite
chunker.

12. You've eaten scrapple sandwiches.

13. You can identify all the major types of manure by smell
(especially chicken!)

14. That if it takes more than an hour to drive to, you're not
going.

15. You end your sentences with unnecessary prepositions. Example:
"Where's my coat at?"

16. You actually know what a "slick" dumpling is.

17. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave
both unlocked.

18. You carry jumper cables in your car.

19. Somebody in your family works for the DuPont Company or MBNA
Bank.

20. You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup (for the
scrapple).

21. You warsh your car with wooder.

22. You think anyone from anywhere but Delaware has an accent.

23. You think the "Apple Scrapple Festival" is perfectly normal.

24. You think, maybe, just maybe, you might get a white Christmas.
Then it rains.

25. The highest point in the Southern Delaware is a rise on the golf
course.(In New Castle County it's Christiana Mall)

26. The state has one hill. You've been sledding on it.

27. You know Newerk is in New Jersey, but NewARK is in Delaware.

28. You know how to carefully pronounce the name Foulk Road.

29. You talk of Northern Delaware and the entire Eastern Seaboard as
"above the anal."

30. You know if another Delawarean is from southern, middle
or northern Delaware as soon as they open their mouth.

31. You know the common name of every street in Sussex, Kent and New
Castle County, but have no idea the what the route numbers are.

32. The opening of a Wal-Mart was declared by your mayor as, "The
most exciting thing to happen in Western Sussex County in 50 years."

33. When you want to go out for a nice dinner, you have to switch
states if you live in Sussex or Kent County

34. You know that traffic lights at major intersections
are 3 minutes long.

35.You know most major areas are considered corners, such as
Price Corner, Boyd's Corner; Tybouts Corner but there is
no sign to tell you this.

36.You know that living in Wilmington, the sections in this
town are considered 100's such as Brandywine 100

37. You drive down Interstate 95 and the road sign direct you to the
"MetroForm", it's not a building a town or anything. It's not even on a
map; we are still wondering what it is.






& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are 161 seconds for 28K modem,
96 seconds for 56k modem & 44 seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David 1