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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
Bill was talking to Doug one day, and said, "My wife suggested that I take
up a new sport this summer."
Doug said, "Wow, that's nice. It shows that
she has your interests at heart. Did she make any suggestions?"
replied, "As a matter of fact, she did. By the way, how do you play this
The other day I was in the local auto part store. A lady comes in and asks
for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven
She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost
some how and I need a new one."
"What kind of a car is it on," they
asked? Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said its a
Buick. "OK lady, how big is it?"
She makes a circle with her hands
about 3 1/2 inches in diameter.
"What does it do?," we asked.
said, "I don't know, but its always been there."
One of us gave her a
note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it.
So she makes
a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes
The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as
she writes it, and they just fall down behind the counter laughing so
hard in hysterics.
One guy said " I think you want an oil
She said, "Seven Ten cap, oil cap, I don't care what you call it,
I just need one, and I don't see what is so funny about it."
========================= The Thieving Joker ========================= Stolen
from: Bonehead-Of-The-Day To sign up --> http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com All
materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2002 by Jerry Lerman. All
Rights Reserved. ==================== http://www.ThievingJoker.net
The award goes to a hit and run driver who, after hitting
a car, causing his SUV to begin flaming, made a beeline to his home, with
the car still in flames, and who drove it into his garage without
first lifting the garage doors, ultimately setting his garage and home
on fire. He's been charged with many different things.
trouble with lawmakers is that their job is to make laws, all day long, all
Bonehead award three goes to the European Union which is
proposing a law that makes it illegal to throw away one of those musical
birthday cards or toys that play music, for if you do, you will be fined
$140 AND they will take away your "wheeley" rubbish bin and instead
make you use transparent garbage bags so they can easily see if you
threw anymore of them into the garbage.
And how will they know if you
threw away a musical thingy in the first place?
With laws comes
bureaucracy. They will hire an "army of dustbin detectives" who will make
sure people haven't put ANYTHING electrical into their garbage.
Additionally, complying will cost companies and local government
an amazing $1 billion each year!! Even though just .003 of the
total garbage is made up of electrical equipment.
What are you
supposed to do with your happy birthday card and light bulbs? Local
government is supposed to ship them back to the manufacturers.
original idea behind the law is noble. To keep computers, TVs, radios and
things like that out of the garbage but, alas, these are, after all,
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Simon Transportation Services
and its subsidiary, Dick Simon Trucking, filed a motion in bankruptcy court
March 11 seeking approval of conditions for the sale of its assets.
company filed a motion seeking an order from the court approving bidding and
auction procedures, and a sale date.
Accompanying the filing was the
outline of a potential bid from Central Freight Lines for the acquisition of
Simons assets. Central is controlled by Jerry Moyes, Simons current majority
Simon wants to implement a four-week sale process during
which it will seek additional bids and allow interested parties time to perform
due diligence. An auction will be conducted at a hearing before the bankruptcy
court, as soon as the court allows.
Also, on March 8, Simon met the
conditions necessary to keep its auto and general liability insurance coverage.
Simon CEO Jon Isaacson said, Our customers and drivers can rest assured that our
operations are properly insured.
suspect may be hitching rides with truckers
Christopher Allan Fiegehen is considered armed and dangerous. If you
see him, contact local authorities or the local FBI office.
information and additional photos Click
Christopher Allan Fiegehen, sought on charges of murder and
attempted murder in Nevada, may be hitching rides across the country with
truckers, according to Nevada police.
Fiegehen was last seen in Mobile,
Ala., on March 8, according to the Douglas County (Nev.) Sheriffs Department.
Fiegehen was believed to be hitchhiking, possibly with unwitting truckers, and
may have traveled to Alabama from Southern California via I-10.
is considered armed and dangerous, and may be carrying a .357 caliber handgun.
He allegedly shot his ex-girlfriend's mother and stabbed her stepfather to death
at their residence in Minden, Nev., Feb. 10.
Fiegehen, 23, is a white
male, 5 feet 10 inches tall, 180 pounds, with scars on both of his arms. His
hair may be brown or blond; he changes his appearance with little trouble. He
uses the aliases Allan Fiegehen, Christopher Allan and Chris Allan. He is a
In what may be a telling clue if Fiegehen is still in
Alabama, he is an avid snowboarder and often speaks of it.
My four-year-old son, Shane, had been asking for a puppy for over
a month, but his Daddy kept saying, "No dogs! A dog will dig up the
garden and chase the ducks and kill our rabbits. No dog, and that's
Each night, Shane prayed for a puppy, and each morning he
was disappointed when there was no puppy waiting outside. I was
peeling potatoes for dinner, and he was sitting on the floor at my feet
asking for the thousandth time, "Why won't Daddy let me have a
"Because they are a lot of trouble. Don't cry. Maybe Daddy will
change his mind someday," I encouraged him.
"No, he won't, and I'll
never have a puppy in a million years," Shane wailed. I looked into his
dirty, tear-streaked face. How could we deny him his one wish? So I said the
words that were first spoken by Eve, "I know a way to make Daddy change his
"Really?" Shane wiped away his tears and sniffed. I handed him a
"Take this and carry it with you until it turns into a
puppy," I whispered. "Never let it out of your sight for one minute. Keep it
with you all the time, and on the third day, tie a string around it and
drag it around the yard and see what happens!"
Shane grabbed the
potato with both hands. "Mama, how do you make a potato into a puppy?" He
turned it over and over in his little hands.
"Shhh! It's a secret!" I
whispered and sent him on his way.
"Lord, you know what a woman must do
to keep peace in her home!" I prayed. Shane faithfully carried his potato
around for two days; he slept with it, bathed with it and talked to it. On
the third day, I said to my husband, "We really should get a pet for
"What makes you think he needs a pet?" my husband leaned against
"Well, he's been carrying a potato around with him for
days. He calls it "Wally" and says it is his pet. He sleeps with it on his
pillow and right now he has a string tied to it and he's dragging it around
the yard," I said.
"A potato?" my husband asked and looked out the
window and watched Shane taking his potato for a walk.
"It will break
his heart when the potato gets mushy and rots," I said and started getting
out food for lunch, "Besides, every time I try to peel potatoes for dinner,
Shane cries because he says I'm killing Wally's family."
my husband asked, "My son has a pet potato?"
"Well," I said shrugging,
"you said he couldn't have a puppy. He was so disappointed, in his mind; he
decided he had to have a pet." . "That's crazy!" my husband
"Maybe you're right, but explain to me why he is dragging that
potato around the yard on a string," I said.
My husband watched our
son for a few more minutes. "I'll bring home a puppy tonight; I'll stop by
the animal shelter after work. I guess a puppy can't be that much trouble,"
he sighed, "It's better than a potato."
That night, Shane's Daddy
brought home a wiggling puppy and a pregnant white cat that he took pity on
while he was at the shelter. Everyone was happy. My husband thought he'd
saved his son from a nervous breakdown. Shane had a puppy, a cat and five
kittens and believed his Mother had magic powers that could change a potato
into a puppy. And I was happy because I got my potato back and cooked it for
Everything was perfect, until one evening when I was cooking
dinner; Shane tugged on my dress and asked, "Mama, do you think I could have
a pony for my birthday?"
THE FIREFIGHTER STOOD AND FACED HIS GOD, WHICH
MUST ALWAYS COME TO PASS. HE HOPED HIS SHOES WERE SHINING, JUST AS
BRIGHTLY AS HIS BRASS. "STEP FORWARD NOW, YOU FIREFIGHTER,HOW SHALL I DEAL
WITH YOU? HAVE YOU ALWAYS TURNED THE OTHER CHEEK? TO MY CHURCH HAVE YOU
THE FIREFIGHTER SQUARED HIS SHOULDERS AND SAID, "NO, LORD,
I GUESS I AIN'T BECAUSE THOSE OF US WHO FIGHT FIRE,CAN'T ALWAYS BE A
SAINT. I'VE HAD TO WORK MOST SUNDAYS, AND AT TIMES MY TALK WAS ROUGH, AND
SOMETIMES I'VE BEEN VIOLENT, BECAUSE THE STREETS ARE AWFULLY TOUGH. BUT, I
NEVER TOOK A PENNY, THAT WASN'T MINE TO KEEP. THOUGH I WORKED A LOT OF
OVERTIME WHEN THE BILLS GOT JUST TOO STEEP, AND I NEVER PASSED A CRY FOR
HELP, THOUGH AT TIMES I SHOOK WITH FEAR, AND SOMETIMES, GOD FORGIVE ME, I'VE
WEPT UNMANLY TEARS.
I KNOW I DON'T DESERVE A PLACE AMONG THE PEOPLE
HERE THEY NEVER WANTED ME AROUND EXCEPT TO CALM THEIR FEARS. IF YOU'VE A
PLACE FOR ME HERE, LORD, IT NEED NOT BE SO GRAND, I NEVER EXPECTED OR HAD TOO
MUCH,BUT IF YOU DON'T, I'LL UNDERSTAND."
THERE WAS A SILENCE ALL AROUND
THE THRONE WHERE THE SAINTS HAD OFTEN TROD AS THE FIREFIGHTER WAITED
QUIETLY, FOR THE JUDGMENT OF HIS GOD, "STEP FORWARD NOW YOU FIREFIGHTER,
YOU'VE BORNE YOUR BURDENS WELL, WALK PEACEFULLY ON HEAVEN'S STREETS, YOU'VE
DONE YOUR TIME IN HELL."
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1990's, United States | I
heard the following at work in the gun shop. The events described below
occurred in the 1990's in the Southwest. A small-time hood (about to be even
smaller) broke into the home of a World War Two veteran and stole, among
other things, the old G.I.'s .45 automatic pistol, which he used in battle in
The hoodlum reported directly to a local convenience store
and proceeded to rob the cashier while brandishing his new pistol. The
cashier, no dummy, followed orders and handed over the contents of the
Our thug took the money and turned to leave, but suddenly
decided he didn't want to leave a witnesses. other than the security
camera, that is. He leveled the pistol at the cashier and pulled the
"CLICK!" went the gun.
At this unexpected development,
the puzzled crook looked straight down the barrel of his weapon and uttered
the words, "What the...?"
As it turned out, the WWII veteran had WWII
vintage ammunition in his WWII vintage pistol. Priming caps over time are
known to lose their "spontaneous" nature, particularly if stored improperly,
causing what is known as a hang-fire: The primer smolders into a delayed
Such was the case here.
Just as the puzzled crook had
the barrel pointed squarely at his own eye, the hang-fired primer detonated,
sending a half-inch chunk of lead and associated hot combustion gases
directly into the felon's skull at 900 feet per second.
The range was
less than six inches. The body could only be identified by
As the story was related to me, the police officer who
responded to the original gun burglary was also at the scene of the armed
robbery. He picked up the .45 and verified the serial number, then returned
it to the WWII veteran.
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
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