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The News letter, 020303








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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.



Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!











Well the other day I walked into a bakery and there
were two doughnuts, a big one and a little one.
I picked up the big donut and this women goes, "Hey
don't be greedy you shouldn't have that big doughnut
all to yourself!"

So I replied "Well I'm at the front of the queue!
Anyway which one would you have chosen?"

The women said "The little one, of course!"

And I answered: "So what are you moaning for, I
left it for you!"


"Let us go to the barn, and pray for guidance on this major decision", said
the husband.  Whatever God tells us, that's what we'll do".  They went to
the barn, got on their knees, and old farmer Madsen started with the usual
openings to Mormon prayers.  After a few minutes of this, he posed the
question: "heavenly father, should I take another wife?"

Farmer Olson was in the rafters, as previously arranged, and in the most
booming, deep voice he could muster, said "Brother Madsen, I command thee to
take another wife".  After a moment, farmer Madsen looked over to his wife,
and saw that she was sobbing uncontrollably.  He put his arm around her, and
said, "There there, a second wife will be an addition to the family, but she
will never be a replacement for you.  I'll still love you just as much."

Mrs.  Madsen said "I have no problem with you taking a second wife, I've
been resigned to that for a year now.  But in my worst nightmare, I NEVER
imagined that God was a Swede!"


Another every day item at the web site is Today's Thought
most os the time any more I just email it to the general section
But you can find it's own mesage board on Sue's Corner Web Message board
here's the one from this day

Today's thought is:
When we expect others to think, feel, or act in
certain ways, we set ourselves up for
disappointment. Our expectations have
nothing to do with who other people really are,
but rather reflect who we are and what we
want.

When others don't live up to our expectations,
we often become angry with them. They've
disrupted our plans, disturbed our view of
them and our world. Expectations close off our
ability to let others be themselves and to see
them as they are.

If we let go of our expectations and allow
others to be themselves, our relationships can
grow. We can discover each other as we really
are. Free of expectations and judgments, we
can be open to pleasant surprises. Others may
not be whatever we expect them to be. They
may be even better.

I let go of all my expectations of others. They
are free to be themselves.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Today's meditation comes from the book
A Moment to Reflect: Accepting Ourselves by Veronica Ray copyright 1989
available through our online bookstore at:
http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/store/product.asp?sku=5102


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Cheddar Beef Pull-A-Part Bread (Servings 10)

2 (11 oz. each packages) STOUFFER'S frozen Creamed Chipped
 Beef, defrosted
2 8 oz. each cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 8 oz. can water chestnuts, drained and chopped
1/4 cup chopped green onion
2 t CROSSE & BLACKWELL Worcestershire Sauce
3/4 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon hot red pepper sauce
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 (1 Loaf) pound unsliced Italian bread
******************************************************************
COMBINE Creamed Chipped Beef, 1 1/2 cups Cheddar cheese,
water chestnuts, green onion, Worcestershire sauce, onion powder,
pepper sauce and salt in large bowl. Slice bread three times vertically
and approximately every 1 1/2 inches horizontally to within 1/4' of
bottom crust. Bread will have a 'checkerboard' appearance.

STUFF all cuts in bread with Creamed Chipped Beef mixture.
Wrap bread in aluminum foil, keeping top exposed. Sprinkle remaining
cheese on top of stuffed bread.
 
Bake for 10 to 15 minutes at 350, keep an eye on it ovens may vary
You can broil until golden brown


Hot Apple Pie Sandwiches (Servings 4)

1 (12-oz.) package STOUFFER'S Harvest Apples, defrosted according
 to package directions
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
8 slices white bread, lightly toasted
4 slices cheddar or American cheese, each cut into 4 strips
2 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted

COMBINE apples and cinnamon in small bowl.

PLACE cheese strips on outside perimeter of 4 slices of bread.
Spoon apple mixture evenly into centers of each. Top with remaining
 slices of bread; press down slightly. Brush sandwiches with butter.

BROIL on each side until golden brown and cheese is melted.


Diabetic needs:
MANDARIN SPINACH SALAD


1 can (11 ounces) mandarin oranges, drained
1/3 cup light Italian dressing
1 tablespoon poppy seeds (optional)
1 package (10 ounces) fresh spinach, trimmed
3 fresh oranges, peeled and sectioned

In a blender, combine the mandarin oranges and the Italian dressing.
Blend until smooth. Stir in poppy seeds if using.
In a large salad bowl, toss together the spinach, fresh orange
sections,and half of the dressing mixture. Serve
immediately.
Note: you are going to end up with a double batch of this
dressing,so keep it covered in the fridge and you'll be ready
to go for another
salad anytime.

Serving Size: 1/6 recipe, Total Servings: 6

Exchanges: 1 Fruit

Calories: 51
Calories From Fat: 4
Total Fat: 0 g
Saturated Fat: 0 g
Cholesterol: 0 mg
Sodium: 140 mg
Carbohydrate: 11 g
Dietary Fiber: 3 g
Sugars: 7 g
Protein: 2 g


Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Johnny,
"How come you aren't married?"

Johnny: "I haven't found the right woman yet."

George: "So what are you looking for?"

Johnny: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and
house-keeper, and she's got to know how to handle money, a
really nice and pleasant personality is a must - and money,
she's got to have money...and a home, a nice big house, is
what she has to have."

George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU."

Johnny: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy." ;-)











One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree
above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he began
crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter told Him that he had dropped his axe into
water. God went down into the water and reappeared with
a golden axe.

"Is this your axe?", God asked. The woodcutter said "No".

God again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this
your axe?", God asked. The wood cutter said "No".

God went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this
your axe?", God asked. The wood cutter said "Yes".

God was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all
the three axes. The woodcutter went home happily.

One day while he was walking with his wife along the river,
his wife fell into the river. When he began crying, God
appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"My wife has fallen into water" said the woodcutter.

God went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife?" God asked.

"Yes," he said.

God was furious, "YOOOOOU CHEEEEAT!! Now I am going to
curse you......"

The woodcutter quickly said, "Forgive me My Lord. It is all
a misunderstanding. If I say 'No' to Jennifer Lopez, you will
come up with Catherine Zeta Jones. If I also say 'No' to her,
you will finally come up with my wife and I will say 'Yes'.
Then you will give all the three to me! I am a poor man.
I will not be able to look after all the three. So that's
why I've to say 'Yes'..."


The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a
cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop.  A passing
motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously
unharmed driver out of the wreck.

"Good lord, mister," he gasped, "are you drunk?"

"Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit.  "What the hell
do you think I am -- a stunt driver?"


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My husband's uncle thought he had conquered his problem
of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their
anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided
that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers
to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note
signed, "Your loving husband."

His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all
went well until one day, some bouquets later, when he came
home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers,
honey. Where'd you get them?"











Lucky is in the midst of a long dry spell in Las Vegas.
Eventually he gambles away all his money and has to borrow a
quarter from another gambler just to use the men's room. He
finds a stall that happens to be open and pockets the
quarter.

Believing that his luck has finally changed, he puts the
quarter in a slot machine and hits the jackpot.  He takes
his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns his
modest winnings into a million dollars.

Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Izzy goes on the lecture
circuit, where he tells his incredible story.  He tells his
audiences that he will always be eternally grateful to his
benefactor, and if he ever finds the man he will share his
fortune with him.

After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and
says, "I'm that man.  I was the one who gave you the
quarter."

"Yes, I remember you well, but you aren't the one I'm
looking for.  I mean the guy who left the door open!"


After the recent Anti-trust hearings, Bill Gates recently compared the
software market with the soft drink market. He says Microsoft is struggling
to survive but that the beverage giant will be on top forever because the
Department of Justice doesn't pick on them. Of course, Bill should be
careful not to give Coke any ideas. We might end up with a scenario like the
following:

Joe: (walking into McDonalds) Hi, I'd like a Big Mac.

Cashier: Okay, here's your Big Mac and here's your Coke. That'll be $3.99.

Joe: Uh, I don't want a Coke.

Cashier: Sorry, they're bundled.

Joe: What? I'm not paying for a Coke!

Cashier: You don't; the Coke is free.

Joe: But wasn't a Big Mac $2.49 last week?

Cashier: Sure, but this latest Big Mac is far more innovative. It's got
integrated Coke!

Joe: I already bought a Snapple across the street... I'm not going to drink
the Coke.

Cashier: Then you can't have the burger.

Joe: Okay, fine, I will pay the $3.99 and throw the Coke away.

Cashier: Oh, you can't do that. They're seamlessly integrated. Totally
inseparable.

Joe: How can that be? They're two totally separate things!

Cashier: No, watch. (takes Big Mac, dunks it in a tank of Coke) See?

Joe: Why did you just do that?!

Cashier: It's a benefit to the consumer. Otherwise you'd end up with two
different, inconsistent tastes. This way you're assured of a continuous
taste across all your foods.

Joe: Aaarrgh!


Down around the Texas-Louisiana border, there has been a recent rash
of illegal cock fighting, with quite a bit of gambling. The director
of the Louisiana State Police finally bent to public pressure and sent
an investigator to get to the bottom of the problem.

The crack investigator, Boudreaux, took an unmarked cruiser and headed
for Mamou. He was gone for two days and arrived back in Baton Rouge to
report to the director.

He reported that there were three major groups involved in the illegal
cock fighting - Texas Aggies, Cajuns and the Mafia.

Of course, the boss wanted to know how he surmised this, and he
replied that he knew there were Texas Aggies involved when he saw
someone enter a duck into the fight.

He knew that there were Cajuns involved when someone bet on the duck.

He then stated that he was absolutely positive that the Mafia was
involved when the duck won!











The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of
"yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of
inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the
coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is
sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately
throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed,
approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half and
hour. But, she says, I am rechecking my answers."


Things that make you go hummmmmmmm!!

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
On the first day God created the sun - so the Devil countered and created
sunburn.

On the second day God created sex. In response the Devil created marriage.
On  the third day God created an economist.

This was a tough one for the Devil, but in the end and after a lot of
thought
he created a second economist.


IF I KNEW
  
If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,  
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
  
If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.
  
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.
  
If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.
  
If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.
  
For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.
  
There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"
  
But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.
  
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.
  
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,
  
That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.
  
So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear
  
Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.


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A M E N !



Special notice
I'm changing the format of the newsletter. Please see the 2nd page for details
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are 283 seconds for 28K modem,
168 seconds for 56k modem & 77 seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David 1