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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it, now that I've learned how to do that.
Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!
Well the other day I walked into a bakery and there were two doughnuts, a big
one and a little one. I picked up the big donut and this women goes,
"Hey don't be greedy you shouldn't have that big doughnut all to
So I replied "Well I'm at the front of the queue! Anyway
which one would you have chosen?"
The women said "The little one, of
And I answered: "So what are you moaning for, I left it for
"Let us go to the barn, and pray for guidance on this major decision",
said the husband. Whatever God tells us, that's what we'll do". They went
to the barn, got on their knees, and old farmer Madsen started with the
usual openings to Mormon prayers. After a few minutes of this, he posed
the question: "heavenly father, should I take another wife?"
Olson was in the rafters, as previously arranged, and in the most booming,
deep voice he could muster, said "Brother Madsen, I command thee to take
another wife". After a moment, farmer Madsen looked over to his wife, and
saw that she was sobbing uncontrollably. He put his arm around her,
and said, "There there, a second wife will be an addition to the family, but
she will never be a replacement for you. I'll still love you just as
Mrs. Madsen said "I have no problem with you taking a second
wife, I've been resigned to that for a year now. But in my worst nightmare,
I NEVER imagined that God was a Swede!"
Today's thought is: When we expect others to think, feel, or act
in certain ways, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Our expectations
have nothing to do with who other people really are, but rather reflect
who we are and what we want.
When others don't live up to our
expectations, we often become angry with them. They've disrupted our
plans, disturbed our view of them and our world. Expectations close off
our ability to let others be themselves and to see them as they
If we let go of our expectations and allow others to be
themselves, our relationships can grow. We can discover each other as we
really are. Free of expectations and judgments, we can be open to pleasant
surprises. Others may not be whatever we expect them to be. They may be
I let go of all my expectations of others. They are free
to be themselves.
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2 (11 oz. each packages)
STOUFFER'S frozen Creamed Chipped Beef, defrosted 2 8 oz. each cups
shredded cheddar cheese 1 8 oz. can water chestnuts, drained and chopped
1/4 cup chopped green onion 2 t CROSSE & BLACKWELL Worcestershire
Sauce 3/4 teaspoon onion powder 1/2 teaspoon hot red pepper sauce
1/4 teaspoon salt 1 (1 Loaf) pound unsliced Italian bread
Creamed Chipped Beef, 1 1/2 cups Cheddar cheese, water chestnuts, green
onion, Worcestershire sauce, onion powder, pepper sauce and salt in large
bowl. Slice bread three times vertically and approximately every 1 1/2 inches
horizontally to within 1/4' of bottom crust. Bread will have a 'checkerboard'
STUFF all cuts in bread with Creamed Chipped Beef
mixture. Wrap bread in aluminum foil, keeping top exposed. Sprinkle remaining
cheese on top of stuffed bread.
Bake for 10 to 15 minutes at 350,
keep an eye on it ovens may vary You can broil until golden brown
Hot Apple Pie Sandwiches (Servings 4)
1 (12-oz.) package STOUFFER'S
Harvest Apples, defrosted according to package directions 1/2 teaspoon
ground cinnamon 8 slices white bread, lightly toasted 4 slices cheddar
or American cheese, each cut into 4 strips 2 tablespoons butter or
COMBINE apples and cinnamon in small bowl.
PLACE cheese strips on outside perimeter of 4 slices of bread. Spoon
apple mixture evenly into centers of each. Top with remaining slices of
bread; press down slightly. Brush sandwiches with butter.
BROIL on each
side until golden brown and cheese is melted.
Diabetic needs: MANDARIN SPINACH SALAD
1 can (11 ounces) mandarin
oranges, drained 1/3 cup light Italian dressing 1 tablespoon poppy seeds
(optional) 1 package (10 ounces) fresh spinach, trimmed 3 fresh oranges,
peeled and sectioned
In a blender, combine the mandarin oranges and the
Italian dressing. Blend until smooth. Stir in poppy seeds if using. In a
large salad bowl, toss together the spinach, fresh orange sections,and half
of the dressing mixture. Serve immediately. Note: you are going to end up
with a double batch of this dressing,so keep it covered in the fridge and
you'll be ready to go for another salad anytime.
Serving Size: 1/6
recipe, Total Servings: 6
Exchanges: 1 Fruit
51 Calories From Fat: 4 Total Fat: 0 g Saturated Fat: 0
g Cholesterol: 0 mg Sodium: 140 mg Carbohydrate: 11 g Dietary Fiber:
3 g Sugars: 7 g Protein: 2 g
Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Johnny, "How come you
Johnny: "I haven't found the right woman
George: "So what are you looking for?"
Johnny: "Oh she's got
to be real pretty, - a good cook and house-keeper, and she's got to know how
to handle money, a really nice and pleasant personality is a must - and
money, she's got to have money...and a home, a nice big house, is what she
has to have."
George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry
Johnny: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy." ;-)
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his
axe fell into the river. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him,
"Why are you crying?" The woodcutter told Him that he had dropped his axe
into water. God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden
"Is this your axe?", God asked. The woodcutter said "No".
again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?", God
asked. The wood cutter said "No".
God went down again and came up with an
iron axe. "Is this your axe?", God asked. The wood cutter said
God was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all the
three axes. The woodcutter went home happily.
One day while he was
walking with his wife along the river, his wife fell into the river. When he
began crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
wife has fallen into water" said the woodcutter.
God went down into the
water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" God
"Yes," he said.
God was furious, "YOOOOOU CHEEEEAT!! Now I
am going to curse you......"
The woodcutter quickly said, "Forgive me
My Lord. It is all a misunderstanding. If I say 'No' to Jennifer Lopez, you
will come up with Catherine Zeta Jones. If I also say 'No' to her, you
will finally come up with my wife and I will say 'Yes'. Then you will give
all the three to me! I am a poor man. I will not be able to look after all
the three. So that's why I've to say 'Yes'..."
The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down
a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A
passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the
miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck.
"Good lord, mister," he
gasped, "are you drunk?"
"Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt
from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am -- a stunt driver?"
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My husband's uncle thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember
his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary. He opened an account with a
florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send
flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed,
"Your loving husband."
His wife was thrilled by this new display of
attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when he
came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey.
Where'd you get them?"
Lucky is in the midst of a long dry spell in Las Vegas. Eventually he gambles
away all his money and has to borrow a quarter from another gambler just to
use the men's room. He finds a stall that happens to be open and pockets
Believing that his luck has finally changed, he puts
the quarter in a slot machine and hits the jackpot. He takes his winnings
and goes to the blackjack table and turns his modest winnings into a million
Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Izzy goes on the
lecture circuit, where he tells his incredible story. He tells
his audiences that he will always be eternally grateful to his benefactor,
and if he ever finds the man he will share his fortune with him.
months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and says, "I'm that man.
I was the one who gave you the quarter."
"Yes, I remember you well,
but you aren't the one I'm looking for. I mean the guy who left the door
After the recent Anti-trust hearings, Bill Gates recently compared
the software market with the soft drink market. He says Microsoft is
struggling to survive but that the beverage giant will be on top forever
because the Department of Justice doesn't pick on them. Of course, Bill
should be careful not to give Coke any ideas. We might end up with a scenario
like the following:
Joe: (walking into McDonalds) Hi, I'd like a Big
Cashier: Okay, here's your Big Mac and here's your Coke. That'll be
Joe: Uh, I don't want a Coke.
Cashier: Sorry, they're
Joe: What? I'm not paying for a Coke!
Cashier: You don't;
the Coke is free.
Joe: But wasn't a Big Mac $2.49 last
Cashier: Sure, but this latest Big Mac is far more innovative. It's
got integrated Coke!
Joe: I already bought a Snapple across the
street... I'm not going to drink the Coke.
Cashier: Then you can't
have the burger.
Joe: Okay, fine, I will pay the $3.99 and throw the Coke
Cashier: Oh, you can't do that. They're seamlessly integrated.
Joe: How can that be? They're two totally
Cashier: No, watch. (takes Big Mac, dunks it in a tank
of Coke) See?
Joe: Why did you just do that?!
Cashier: It's a
benefit to the consumer. Otherwise you'd end up with two different,
inconsistent tastes. This way you're assured of a continuous taste across all
Down around the Texas-Louisiana border, there has been a recent rash of
illegal cock fighting, with quite a bit of gambling. The director of the
Louisiana State Police finally bent to public pressure and sent an
investigator to get to the bottom of the problem.
The crack investigator,
Boudreaux, took an unmarked cruiser and headed for Mamou. He was gone for two
days and arrived back in Baton Rouge to report to the director.
reported that there were three major groups involved in the illegal cock
fighting - Texas Aggies, Cajuns and the Mafia.
Of course, the boss wanted
to know how he surmised this, and he replied that he knew there were Texas
Aggies involved when he saw someone enter a duck into the fight.
knew that there were Cajuns involved when someone bet on the duck.
then stated that he was absolutely positive that the Mafia was involved when
the duck won!
The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists
of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit
of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing
the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for
Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class
is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen
desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator,
alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in
half and hour. But, she says, I am rechecking my answers."
Things that make you go hummmmmmmm!!
Is it OK to use the AM radio after
noon? What do chickens think we taste like? What do people in China call
their good plates? What do you call a male ladybug? What hair color do
they put on the driver's license of a bald man? When dog food is new and
improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two
On the first day God created the sun - so the Devil countered and
On the second day God created sex. In response the
Devil created marriage. On the third day God created an
This was a tough one for the Devil, but in the end and after a
lot of thought he created a second economist.
IF I KNEW
If I knew it would be
the last time
That I'd see you fall
I would tuck you in
and pray the Lord,
your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be
the last time
that I see you walk
out the door,
I would give you a hug
and call you back for
If I knew it would be
the last time
I'd hear your voice
lifted up in praise,
I would video tape
each action and word,
so I could play them
back day after day.
If I knew it would be
the last time,
I could spare an extra
to stop and say "I
instead of assuming
you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be
the last time
I would be there to
share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll
have so many more,
so I can let just this
one slip away.
For surely there's
to make up for an
and we always get a
to make everything
There will always be
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's
to say our "Anything I
But just in case I
might be wrong,
and today is all I
I'd like to say how
much I love you
and I hope we never
Tomorrow is not
promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the
you get to hold your
loved one tight.
So if you're waiting
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never
you'll surely regret
That you didn't take
that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or
and you were too busy
to grant someone,
what turned out to be
their one last wish.
So hold your loved
ones close today,
and whisper in their
Tell them how much you
and that you'll always
hold them dear
Take time to say "I'm
"Please forgive me,"
"Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never
you'll have no regrets
List owner: firstname.lastname@example.org
I'm changing the format of the
newsletter. Please see the 2nd page for details
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