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The News letter,








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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture, ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.



Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!








Your right I don't like
this book seris <SP>



Dexter had just returned from two weeks of vacation.
He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married.

"What!" shouted the boss. "I can't give you more time now.
Why didn't you get married while you were off?"

"Are you nuts?" replied Dexter. "That would have ruined
my whole vacation...!!!"


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Office workers are being driven to violence by slow or faulty
internet connections, according to a new survey.

Of the 1,000 people questioned, more than half said they
experience internet frustration at least once a week. Many
people said they thump their computer or desk in anger when
the internet crashes but 2% said they actually hit the person
sitting next to them.

The poll, carried out by Mori, showed one in ten people lose
their rag with the net on a daily basis.

Top of the list of internet irritations are sites that take a long time
to load, help buttons which do not help and excessive requests
for personal details.


Thieves have stolen a monkey that's lived in a Florida theme
park since it was born 15 years ago.

The female squirrel monkey named Charlie has disappeared
from the Lion County Safari. Workers at the park fed her with
a tiny bottle after her mother died in 1987 when she was still
a baby.

Palm Beach County officer Kris Moose says the thief used
either a hacksaw or bolt cutters to remove a padlock. The
thief took the padlock and only left behind a set of faint
footprints.

For these & other news stories that are up to date, Please see the web site.








Yeah James,
& ya have to look at 
the big picture too.



Management has determined that there is no longer any need
for network or software applications support. The goal is to
remove all computers from the desktop by Dec. 31, 2002.
Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.
There are many sound reasons for doing this:

1. No OS problems.
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.

Frequently Asked Questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical
Support:

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all
     over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it

Q. How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q. What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q. How do I create a New Document window?
A. Pick it up and shake it.

Q. How do I set the background and foreground to the same
     color?
A. Pick it up and shake it.

Q. What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q. How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q. How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.


Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are
just content to watch while others do the work. They are
called "Speck Taters".

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at
finding fault with the way others do the work. They are
called "Comment Taters".

Some people are always looking to cause problems by
asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold,
too sour or too sweet. They are called "Agie Taters".

There are those who say they will help, but somehow just
never get around to actually doing what they promised.
They are called "Hezzie Taters".

Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone
they are not. They are called "Emma Taters".

Then there are those who love others and do what they say
they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are
doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into
the lives of others. They are called "Sweet Taters".


Dear Sir:

"I am writing in response to your request for
additional information in Block 3 of the accident
report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of  my
accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I
trust the following  details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident,
I was working alone on the roof of a new six story
building. When I completed my work,  found that I had
some bricks left over which, when weighed later were
found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than
carry the  bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them
in a barrel by using a  pulley,which was attached to
the side of the building on the sixth  floor. Securing
the rope at ground level, I went up to the  roof, swung
the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I
went  down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to
ensure a slow  descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form
that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being
jerked off the ground  so suddenly, I lost my presence
of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.  Needless to
say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the
building.  In the vicinity of the third floor, I met
the barrel which was now  proceeding downward at an
equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured
skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as
listed in  section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I  continued my rapid ascent, not
stopping until the fingers of my  right hand were two
knuckles deep into the pulley.  Fortunately by this
time I had regained my  presence of mind and was able
to hold tightly to the  rope, in spite of beginning to
experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of
bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the
barrel. Now  devoid of the weight of the bricks, that
barrel weighed approximately 50  lbs. I refer you again
to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a  rapid
descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity
of the third  floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured  ankles, broken tooth
and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter
with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
injuries when I fell  into the pile of bricks and
fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I  am
sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of
bricks, in  pain, unable to move, I again lost my
composure and presence of mind and let  go of the rope
and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
journey  back down onto me. This explains the two
broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry."











THE WIT WIZARD savagely exposes America's frauds, fools,
freaks & foibles, harpoons the hypocrites and punctures the
pompous. Free politically incorrect social satire weekly...
An EzineADventure AD. Get Your FREE Ads NOW!


"Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because
not only can you hurt someone -- and hurt them
to the bone -- you can feel self-righteous about
it at the same time."
--Dave Van Ronk


"All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity
and importance and should be undertaken with
painstaking excellence." --
Martin Luther King, Jr


You know your astrological sign...now discover
your element - the ancient Chinese way to find out
what makes you tick and what makes you special.

Just look for your birth year below to find
which element you are.

============================================

Wood -

1914-15
1924-25
1934-35
1944-45
1954-55
1964-65
1974-75
1984-85

============================================

Fire -

1916-17
1926-27
1936-37
1946-47
1956-57
1966-67
1976-77
1986-87

============================================

Earth -

1918-19
1928-29
1938-39
1948-49
1958-59
1968-69
1978-79
1988-89

============================================

Metal -

1920-21
1930-31
1940-41
1950-51
1960-61
1970-71
1980-81
1990-91

============================================

Water -

1922-23
1932-33
1942-43
1952-53
1962-63
1972-73
1982-83
1992-93

============================================

If you're a WOOD - You're a unique mix of
creativity and practicality.
And you don't ever give up-ever.

You're especially good at: starting new undertakings
- and seeing them through to completion.  A planner
and a creator, anything perceived as a
challenge excites you. 
You're also extremely independent and very decisive.

Others admire: Your ability to adapt quickly to
the changes in your life.
You know just what needs to be done in any
given situation.

============================================

If you're a FIRE - Your cheerful disposition
and vibrant nature draw others in like bees to
honey.  And you thrive on excitement.

You're especially good at: Making even the most
ordinary events
extraordinary.  People just love to be around you
because you're
spirited, alive, and very, very happy.

Others admire: Your outgoing personality and
passionate nature.  Passion
is not something you're afraid to display, whether
it's for a significant
other, a cause, or a leisure time hobby.

============================================

If you're an EARTH - You're stable, grounded,
in focus - the glue that
holds together every group you're a part of.

You're especially good at:  Keeping the peace. 
Your supportiveness and
trustworthy ways have gained you the respect of
others.  And it's these
traits that make you the perfect mediator when
others come to odds.

Others admire:  Your loyalty. 
You put a premium on the relationships
that matter most to you and keep every
commitment you make.

============================================

If you're a METAL - You're a deeply spiritual
person who seeks meaning in
everyday experiences.

You're especially good at: Keeping a cool
head while others are rolling.
Able to remain neutral and clear thinking
when others cannot.  You're the
great analytical mind of the elements.

Others admire:  Your knack for finding the ideal
solution, just when it's
needed most.  A perfectionist with a strong
personality and great wisdom,
family and friends recognize you as a terrific
problem solver.

============================================

If you're a WATER - You are wise and ambitious,
and have a tremendous
interest in what makes people tick.

You're especially good at:  Reaching your goals. 
Remarkably
self-sufficient, you also tend to be very intuitive
and operate by instinct.

Others admire:  Your easygoing nature and
super ability to
juggle numerous responsibilities at once.


NO Susan & Glass,
This ain't me.





Well this might be 
me talking to Susan
or the kids



If your birthday is on  .....  Scroll down to find out about your  nature
...

       December 23rd - January 1st Red
       January 2nd - January 11th Orange
       January 12th - January 24th Yellow
       January 25th - February 3 Pink
       February 4th - February 8th Blue
       February 9th - February 18th Green
       February 19th - February 28th Brown
       March1st - Match 10th Aqua
       March 11 - March 20th Lime
       March 21 st Black
       March 22 nd - March 31st Purple
       April 1st - April 10th Navy
       April 11th - April 20th Silver
       April 21st - April 30th White
       May 2nd - May 14th Blue
       May 15th - May 24th Gold
       May 25th - June 3rd Cream
       June 4th - June13th Gray
       June 14 - June 23rd Maroon
       June 24th Gray
       June 25 - July 4th Red
       July 5th - July 14th Orange
       July 15th - July 25 th Yellow
       July 26th - August 4 th Pink
       August 5th - August 13th Blue
       August 14th - August 23rd Green
       August 24 - September 2nd Brown
       September 3rd - September12th  Aqua
       September 13th - September 22nd Lime
       September 23rd Olive
       September 24th - October 3rd Purple
       October 4th - October 13th Nave
       October 14th - October 23rd Silver
       October 24 - November 11th White
       November 12th - November 21st Gold
       November 22nd - December1st Cream
       December 2nd - December11th Gray
       December 12th - December 21st Maroon
       December 22nd Teal



       RED
       Cute and lovable type, you are picky but always in love ...and liked
to be loved. Fresh and cheerful, but can be "moody" at times. Capable with
people, nice, soft, and that can love you for the way you are. Likes people
that are easy to talk to, and can make you feel comfortable.
       CREAM
       Competitive and sportive. Don't like losing and always cheerful! You
are trustworthy, and very out-going. You choose love carefully, and don't
fall in love easily. But once you find the right one, you don't let go for
a long long time.

       TEAL
       You are mostly interested in your looks. And have high standards in
picking love. You think and make a solution precisely, and hardly make
stupid mistakes. You like to lead, and is easy for you to make new friends.

       GREY
       You are attractive, and active. You never hide your feelings, and
express everything that's inside. But can be selfish at times. You want to
be noticed, and don't like to be treated unequally. You can brighten up
people's day. You know what to say at the right time, and you have a good
sense of humor.

       GREEN
       You get along well with new people. You are not really a shy person,
but sometimes you can hurt people's feelings by your words... You like to
be loved and noticed by your lover, but mostly you are single, waiting for
the right person.

       GOLD
       You know what's right and what's wrong. You are cheerful and out
going. It's hard for you to find the one you want, but once you find the
right person, you won't be able to fall in love again for a long time.

       PINK
       You are always trying your best in everything, and like to help and
care for other people. But you are not easily satisfied. You have negative
thoughts, and you look for romantic love like in a fairytale.

       YELLOW
       You are sweet and innocent. Trusted by many people, and have a
strong leadership towards relationships. You make good decision and make
the right choice at the right time. And always dreaming of romantic
relationship.

       MAROON
       You are intelligent, and know what's right. You like to take things
go your way, which can sometimes cause trouble or not thinking about other
people's feelings. But you are patient when it comes to love... Once you
get a hold of the right person, it's hard for you to find a better love.
       ORANGE
       You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat
people. You always have goals to reach, and are competitive. When it comes
to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the
right friend, you trust them for ever.
       PURPLE
       You are mysterious, never selfish and get interested in things
easily. Your day can be sad or happy depending on your mood. You are
popular between friends but you can act stupid at times, and forget things
easily. You go for person that's trustworthy.

       LIME
       You are calm, but easily stressed out. You get jealous easily, and
complain over little things. You can't get stuck into one thing, but you
have a capable personality for everyone to trust you and like you.

       SILVER
       You are imaginative and shy, but you like trying new things. You
like to challenge yourself. You learn things easily, and like "Hard to
get". Your love life is normally hard and confusing.

       WHITE
       You dream and have goals in your life. You get jealous easily and
you don't react to things easily. You are different and sometimes thought
highly by others.

       OLIVE
       You are warm and light hearted. You seem to flow well with friends
and family. You don't like violence and know what's right. You are kind and
cheerful, but don't envy other people easily.
       BROWN
       You are active and sportive. It's hard for other people to become
close with you, but you fall in love easily. But once you find out you
can't get something, you give up and let go easily as well.
       BLUE
       You have low self-esteem, and very picky. You are artistic and like
to fall in love, but you let your love pass by, by loving with your mind,
not your heart.
       NAVY
       You are attractive, and love your life. You have a strong feeling
towards everything. And very easily distracted. Once you get angry at
someone, it's hard for you to forgive them.
       AQUA
       Your feelings change suddenly and easily. You are always lonely, and
like travelling. You are truthful, but listen and believe other people too
easily. It's hard to find love for you, and you get lost in love easily.
Sometimes you get hurt by love.

       BLACK
       You are challenging, and have the "guts". But you don't like changes
in your life. And once you make a decision, you keep it that way for a long
time. Your love life is also challenging, and different.
       ORANGE
       You are responsible for your own actions, and you know how to treat
people. You always have goals to reach, and are competitive. When it comes
to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone, but once you find the
right friend, you trust them for ever.


I said watch that step








WHAT I'VE LEARNED.....

I've learned......
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have lots of money.

I've learned.....
that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are
more messed up than you think.

I've learned-
you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
You may need to borrow money.

I've learned.....
that either you control your attitude or you will be
offered medication.

I've learned.....
that your family won't always be there for you. Unless, of
course, you win the lottery.

I've learned.....
that no matter how you try to protect your children, they
may eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

I've learned.......
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is
stalk them and hope they panic and give in.











& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are 204 seconds for 28K modem,
121 seconds for 56k modem & 56 seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David 1