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The News letter, 020206








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By the way, on some of the pictures, if you hover your pointer over the picture ya might find a comment from me on it,
now that I've learned how to do that.



Now its time for the show to start & I think we'll start now!!!!








When it is not necessary to change, it is necessary not to change.
--Lucius Cary, Viscount Falkland


Take away my people, but leave my factories, and soon grass
will grow on the factory floors. Take away my factories,
but leave my people, and soon we will have a new and better
factory.
--Andrew Carnegie


DRINKING FROM MY SAUCER

I've never made a fortune
and it's probably too late now.
But I don't worry about that much,
I'm happy anyhow.

And as I go along life's way,
I'm reaping better than I sowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

I don't have a lot of riches,
and sometimes the going's tough.
But I've got loved ones around me,
and that makes me rich enough.

I thank God for his blessings,
and the mercies He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'cause my cup has overflowed.

I remember times when things went wrong,
My faith wore somewhat thin.
But all at once the dark clouds broke,
and the sun peeped through again.

So God, help me not to gripe about
the tough rows that I've hoed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

If God gives me strength and courage,
when the way grows steep and rough.
I'll not ask for other blessings,
I'm already blessed enough.

And may I never be too busy,
to help others bear their loads.
Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

A LITTLE SMILE



This little smile somehow found its way
onto your screen to brighten your day.
So pass it along to each of your friends,
To remind them all that friendship NEVER ends.








This may be true, or not, but it sure is funny ... 
 

Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles.  Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The  flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if  the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would  reboard in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one  gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith had noticed him and could  tell the blind man had flown before -- his Seeing Eye dog lay  quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the  entire flight. 
 
Mr. Smith could also tell he had flown on this very flight  before, because the pilot approached him, and calling him by  name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour.  Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" Keith  replied, "No thanks, but  maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs". 
 
Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete  quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off  the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing  sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change  planes, they were trying to change airlines! 
 
Have a great day, and remember -- things aren't always as they  appear. 



"After hearing two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident
it makes you wonder about history." -Unknown


"I don't want to say the economy is bad, but by the time the
quarter hit the ground it was only worth 80% of what it was
when he first flipped it."
-- 'Monday Night Football' analyst Dennis Miller, on
President Bush's coin toss to begin the 2001 NFL season


My wife and I were browsing in a crafts store when I noticed
a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking
over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, I picked up a shiny,
one-stringed instrument I took to be a mouth harp. I put it to
my lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, twanged
a few notes on it.

After watching from a distance, my wife came up and whispered
in my ear, "I hate to tell you this, honey, but you're trying
to play a cheese slicer."

[Stolen from Reader's Digest.]


I was having lunch with my nine-year-old son, when the
waitress came by to ask if we wanted a drink. "I'll have
a decapitated coffee," my son said facetiously. The
waitress smiled and poured him a cup.

Not to be outdone, she later returned with the coffeepot
and said, "Can I put a head on that for you?"








THE WIT WIZARD savagely exposes America's frauds, fools,
freaks & foibles, harpoons the hypocrites and punctures the pompous.
Free politically incorrect social satire weekly

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Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.

"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He
makes me terribly nervous."

"My William used to do the same thing," the other woman
replied. "But I broke him of the habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth."

Hey Susan, is this a good idea


A FATHER'S GIFT

                          author unknown

A young man was getting ready to graduate from
college. For many months he had admired a beautiful
"sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his
father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited
signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the
morning of his graduation, his father called him into his
private study. His father told him how proud he was to
have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved
him. He handed his son a beautifully wrapped gift box.

Curious, and somewhat disappointed, the young man
opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible,
with the young man's name embossed in gold. Angry,
he rose his voice to his father and said "With all your
money, you give me a Bible?" and stormed out of the house.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful
in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family,
but realized his father was getting very old, and thought
perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since
that fateful graduation day.

Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram
telling him his father had passed away, and had willed all of his
possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately
and take care of things.

When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and
regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's
important papers and saw the still partially gift-wrapped Bible,
just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible
and began to turn the pages. His father had carefully underlined
a verse, Matthew 7:11, "And if ye, being evil, know how to give
good gifts to your children,how much more shall your Heavenly
Father which is in Heaven, give to those who ask Him?"

As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back
of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same
dealer who had had the sports car he had desired. On the tag
was the date of his graduation, and the words PAID IN FULL.


"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often
look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door,
that we do not see the ones which open for us."

                     -Alexander Graham Bell--








A KITCHEN TIP OR TWO.....

Butter, margarine, and olive oil are not good choices for
deep frying or cooking that involves high heat because
of their low smoking points. (As any novice cook has found
out after it is too late!!)

Never fill a pressure cooker with more food than half its
capacity if the contents are mainly liquid, or two-thirds
if the contents are mainly solid. (DITTO--about the above-
mentioned novice!!)

Virtually all fresh fruits lose their flavor rapidly when
soaked in water, so always wash them quickly in gently
flowing water just before using and dry at once.

To test the freshness of fish make sure its eyes are
bulging, its gills are reddish, the scales are adhering
firmly to the skin, and the flesh is firm to the touch.
(Use your nose, too!!)


Written by a San Diego Father who has discovered these
truths he learned while caring for his children:

There is no such thing as childproofing your house.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them
with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound
puppy underwear and a Superman cape.

It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four
walls of a 20x20' room.

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long ways.

The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball
hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh",
it is already too late.


FLOUNDER

Members of this large species of flatfish are prized for their
fine texture and delicate flavor. Some of the better known
members of the flounder family are Dab, English Sole and
Plaice. In America, flounder is often mislabeled as fillet
of sole— a misnomer because all of the fish called "sole"
(except for imported European DOVER SOLE) are actually
varieties of flounder. Flounder is available whole or in fillets.
It can be baked, broiled, poached, steamed or sautéed.


CRISPY BAKED FLOUNDER

1/4 cup finely chopped onion
1/4 cup finely chopped green bell pepper
1 garlic clove, minced
2 tsp vegetable oil
2 tbsp fine dry bread crumbs
2 flounder fillets (each about 6 ounces)
2 tbsp mayonnaise

In a heavy skillet cook onion, bell pepper, and garlic in oil
over moderately low heat, stirring occasionally, until
vegetables are softened and stir in bread crumbs and
salt and pepper to taste.

Preheat broiler.

On a work surface arrange flounder skinned sides up and
spread top with mayonnaise. Sprinkle flounder with bread
crumb mixture and on oiled rack of a broiler pan broil about
6 inches from heat until cooked through, about 6 minutes.
Serves 2. (or ONE if they like it as much as *I* do!!)


A CYNIC'S GUIDE TO LIFE.....

(Did you ever watch a cynic's eyes when they talk? Deep
down I think they are really frustrated comedians!!)

Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're
at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses...
and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek.
Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four
food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group,
the caffeine group, and the "whatever-the-thing-in-the-
tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.

Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your
car windows are down.

This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of
pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting
the relatives stay over.

It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want
to get off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.








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This is kind of long but easy reading and OH! the message
it contains...and humorous, too!!

Jake, the rancher, went one day
to fix a distant fence.
The wind was cold and gusty
and the clouds rolled gray and dense,

As he pounded the last staples in
and gathered tools to go.
The temperature had fallen
and the snow began to blow.

When he finally reached his pickup,
he felt a heavy heart,
from the sound of that ignition,
he knew it wouldn't start.

So Jake did what most of us do
if we would have been there.
He humbly bowed his balding head
and sent aloft a prayer.

As he turned the key for the last time,
he softly cursed his luck.
They found him three days later,
frozen stiff in that old truck.

Now Jake had been around in life
and done his share of roamin'.
But when he saw Heaven,
he was shocked -- it look just like Wyomin'.

Of all the saints in Heaven,
his favorite was St. Peter.
Now, this line, it ain't needed
but it helps with rhyme and meter.

So they set and talked a minute or two,
or maybe it was three,
Nobody was keepin' score --
in Heaven time is free.

"I've always heard," Jake said to Pete,
"that God will answer prayers,
But one time I asked for help,
well He, just plain wasn't there.

Does God answer prayers of some,
and ignores the prayers of others?
That don't seem exactly square --
I know all men are brothers.

Or does he randomly reply,
without good rhyme or reason?
Maybe, it's the time of day,
the weather or the season.

Now I ain't trying to act smart,
it's just the way I feel,
And I was wonderin', could you tell me --
what the heck's the deal?

Peter listened very patiently
and when Jake was done,
There were smiles of recognition,
and he said, "So, you're the one!

That day your truck, it wouldn't start,
and you sent your prayer a flying,
You gave us all a real bad time,
with hundreds of us a trying.

A thousand angels rushed to check
the status of your file,
But you know, Jake, we hadn't heard
from you in quite a while

And though all prayers are answered,
and God ain't got no quota,
He didn't recognize your voice,
and started a truck in North Dakota.

(author unknown)


SHRIMP SCAMPI

1 lb large fresh shrimp, raw, deveined
1 tsp olive oil
1 tbsp fresh parsley, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper
1 tsp margarine, melted

Combine margarine, oil, garlic, and pepper in a large
bowl. Add shrimp and toss lightly to coat.
Spread shrimp, in a single layer, in a shallow oven-safe
casserole dish.
Broil shrimp approximately 4-inches (8cm) from the heat
for 3-4 minutes. Turn shrimp, and broil for an additional
3-4 minutes (or until lightly browned).
Sprinkle with fresh chopped parsley and serve.

Nutritional Information Per Serving: 91 Calories
1 g Carbohydrate; 14 g Fat; 109 mg Sodium;
92 mg Cholesterol
Exchanges: 2 Lean Meat








Four-layered Goodie

1 cup flour
1/2 stick melted butter
1 cup chopped nuts
1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese
1 cup confectioners' sugar
1 cup Cool Whip
2 pkg. Instant Butterscotch pudding-4 serving size
3 cups milk
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp burnt sugar flavoring

Mix together flour, melted butter, and nuts. Place
this into a 9x13 inch pan. Bake for 14 minutes at 350
degrees F. Set aside.

Mix together cream cheese, powdered sugar and
cool whip and spread over crust, and chill.

Mix together the pudding mix, vanilla and flavoring
and beat until thick then pour this over the cream
cheese layer that has been chilling. Spread additional
Cool Whip on top and sprinkle with nuts.


"Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work."
Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)


Went to the office fridge to get my bagles and cream cheese to make
some dinner while I'm working late, only to find that somebody had
polished off the last half of my container of cream cheese, leaving
only a little bit of residue in the container. Grrr. Hate that.


========================= The Thieving Joker =========================
Stolen from: Bonehead-Of-The-Day
To sign up --> http://Bonehead.Oddballs.com
All materials written by Jerry Lerman are Copyright 2001 by Jerry
Lerman. All Rights Reserved.
==================== http://www.ThievingJoker.net ====================

Bonehead award three goes to a 5 ft 1 inch firefighter in the UK who,
being so short:

· Cannot reach equipment on the fire truck,

· Cannot pull the hoses from the fire truck,

· Cannot lift ladders because they are too long,

· Cannot clean the fire engine because she cannot reach all areas,

· Cannot use cutting equipment on large commercial vehicles and,

· Cannot reach the emergency keys in an elevator and so cannot handle
emergencies involving elevators

And who now says that she has become embarrassed and depressed and so
has decided to SUE the fire brigade for:

· Not making shorter fire trucks so she can reach equipment, pull
hoses and clean all areas,

· Not using shorter ladders,

· Not making smaller cutting equipment and smaller commercial vehicles

· Not making sure all elevators have keys she can reach


She is claiming sexual discrimination.  Huh???

As we make her the poster woman for the "it's everyone else's fault"
generation.

UK Telegraph 30-Jan-02
<http://www.telegraph.co.uk/main.jhtml?xml=/2002/01/30/nfire
30.xml&sSheet=/2002/01/30/ixhome.html>
or
http://makeashorterlink.com/?P30261C5





Happy Girlfriend day



& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed

The times on this one are 150 seconds for 28K modem,
89 seconds for 56k modem & 41 seconds for cable/dsl

thanks, David #