In the early sixteenth century, France observed New
Year's Day on March 25 with celebrations that lasted until April 1. Then, around
1564, King Charles IX adapted the more accurate Gregorian calendar and moved the
beginning of the year to January 1.
Many Frenchmen, who either didn't know about the change
or refused to honor it, continued to hold parties and exchange gifts on April 1.
Jokers made fun of these people by sending them frivolous gifts and invitations
to non-existent parties. Playing these practical jokes was so much fun that
after the calendar change was accepted by all Frenchmen, people made April Fools
Day a tradition in its own right.
A child asks his mother, "Do all fairy tales
begin with, 'Once upon a time?' "
His mother answers, "No, dear. Once in a while
they begin with 'I'll be working late at the office tonight.'"
Did Ya' Know: ------------------------------------ Animated actors
dominated the box office, Barry Bonds hit 73 home runs and 'It' turned out
to be a scooter. TIME picks the bests and worsts of 2001. http://www.time.com/time/bestworst2001/
PARADISE LOST sold 40 copies on its first printing.
Dante, the author of
THE DIVINE COMEDY and considered the greatest poet of the Middle Ages, wrote
songs for a street singer to make ends meet.
William Shakespeare never
had a play published in its entirety during his lifetime. When the plays
emerged after his death, they were at first derided as a cheap publicity
From YOU The Reader's Dept.: Instead of Sam Colt getting his
revolver idea from the helmsman/steering wheel, he more likely got it from
the capstan which has a pawl and ratchet arrangement to keep it from
turning backwards. --Bob S.
Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.
Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning.
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the
brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop," and the devil's name is
4. Enjoy the simple things. When the children are young,
that is all that you can afford. When they are in college, that is all that
you can afford. When you are on retirement, that is all that you can
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
Laugh so much that you can be tracked in the store by your distinctive
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only
person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be alive while you are
alive, don't put out a mailbox on the highway of death and just wait in
residence for your mail.
7. Surround yourself with what you love,
whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your
home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get
9. Don't take guilt trips. Go to the mall, the next county, a
foreign country, but not to guilt country.
10. Tell the people you
love, that you love them, at every opportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER Life is
not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take
our breath away.
1. Politically correct terms for cat
owners --------------------------------- My cat does not barf
hairballs, he is a floor/rug redecorator.
- My cat does
not break things, she helps gravity do its job.
- My cat does not
fear dogs, they are merely sprint practice tools.
cat does not gobble, she eats with alacrity.
- My cat does not
scratch, he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator.
cat does not yowl, he is singing off-key.
- My cat is not a
"shedding machine", she is a hair relocation stylist.
My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile", she enjoys the proximity of
I used to work for a large company, they often did special things for
us to make work a little more enjoyable, below is a memo I found in my
desk today thought I would pass it on.
No. 1: Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day
so that employees may express their diversity.
Memo No. 2: Spandex and
leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither
are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Memo No. 3: Casual
Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe,
remember image is a key to our success.
Memo No. 4: A seminar on how to
dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. Fashion
show to follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth
of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed
to prepare guidelines for proper dress.
Memo No. 6: The Casual Day Task
Force has completed a 30-page manual. A copy of "Relaxing Dress Without
Relaxing Company Standards" has been mailed to each employee. Please review
the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the "home casual" versus
"business casual" checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have
doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF
representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.
Memo No. 7: Because of
lack of participation, Casual Day has been discontinued, effective
A SURVIVAL KIT FOR EVERY DAY LIVING
Items Needed: 1)
Toothpick 2) Rubber Band 3) Band Aid 4) Pencil 5)
Eraser 6) Chewing Gum 7) Mint 8) Candy Kiss 9) Tea Bag
1) TOOTHPICK - to remind you to pick out the good
qualities in others.
2) RUBBER BAND - to remind you to be
flexible; things might not always go the way you want, but it will
3) BAND AID - to remind you to heal hurt feelings,
yours or someone else's.
4) PENCIL - to remind you to list your
5) ERASER - To remind you that everyone
makes mistakes and that's OK.
6) CHEWING GUM - to remind you to
stick with it and you can accomplish anything.
7) MINT - to remind
you that you are worth a mint.
8) CANDY KISS - to remind you that
everyone needs a kiss or a hug everyday.
9) TEA BAG - to remind
you to relax daily and reflect all the positive things in your life.
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
Friends are a very rare
jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend
an ear, share a word of praise and they always open their hearts to us.
Show your friends how much you care.
Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
1.) Better save that.
We'll need it for the autopsy. 2.) Somebody call the janitor - we're going
to need a mop 3.) 'Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness' 4.)
Sparky! Comeback with that! Bad Dog! 5.) Wait a minute, if this is his
spleen, then what's that? 6.) Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
7.) Oh no! I just lost my Rolex. 8.) Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived
a full hypo of this stuff before? 9.) Everybody stand back! I lost my
contact lens! 10.) Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing
my concentration off 11.) What's this doing here? 12.) I hate it when
they're missing stuff in here. 13.) That's cool! now can you make his leg
twitch?! 14.) I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses. 15.) Well folks,
this will be an experiment for all of us. 16.) Sterile, shcmeril. The
floor's clean, right? 17.) Anyone see where I left that scalpel? 18.)
Next, we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.
19.) Now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
20.) This patient has already had some kids, am I correct? 21.) Nurse,
did this patient sign the organ donation card? 22.) Don't worry. I think it
is sharp enough. 23.) What do you mean 'You want a divorce'! 24.) She's
gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!! 25.) FIRE! FIRE! Everybody get out!
In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town's
animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered.
agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"
"Well, do you need him
as the sheriff or the vet?" the wife asked.
"Both!" was the reply. "We
can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it!"
The coed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible
financial advice!" she cried.
"I did? What did I tell you?" said the
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank
is in trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the
largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some
"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my
checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told
him about her grand- children. She had even produced a
plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of them.
She finally realized
that she had dominated the entire conversation. "Oh, I´ve done all the
talking, and I´m so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say.
Please, tell me...what do you think of my grandchildren?"
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm
not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96
year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the
stairs, "was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells
back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and
pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting
at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her
head and says "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood
for good measure. She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon
as I see who's at the door."
A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring. So she called the
doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to
relieve her "suffering."
"Well, there is one operation I can perform that
will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost
$1000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for
"My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing
a new sports car!"
"Hum," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"
Did Ya Know Or Do Ya Care?
9 Beans That Cause The Most Gas!!!
2. Pink Beans
3. Black Beans
5. California Small Beans
6. Great Northern Beans
( Thanks, *US Dept. Of
SOME PEOPLE HAVE ALL THE LUCK!!! CHRIS
Man Opens Mailbox, Finds Cash and No Bills > >TOKYO (Reuters) - A
Japanese man may have >received a late Christmas present
Saturday >morning when he opened his mailbox to find >3 million yen
($22,780) in cash inside. > >The man, an office worker in the city
of >Yokohama just west of Tokyo, told police he >went to get the
morning newspaper and found >a paper bag stuffed full of yen in the
mailbox. > >``He has no idea where the money came from,'' >a
police spokesman said. > >The notes were not new and there were
no >clues as to whose they might be, but the >spokesman said police
were planning to take >fingerprints and contact nearby
financial >institutions. > >Should nobody step forward to
claim the money >over the next six months, the man will be able >to
keep it, the spokesman added.
25 Signs That You Have Grown Up!
1. Your potted plants are alive. And you can't smoke even one of
2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is
3. You keep more food than beer in the
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you
go to sleep.
5. You hear your favorite song on an
6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the
7. Your friends marry and divorce
instead of hookup and breakup.
8. You go from 130
days of backlogged vacation time to 7.
9. Jeans and
a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next
door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell
13. Your car insurance goes down and
your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog
Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
15. Sleeping on
the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer
take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
17. Dinner and a movie
= The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would
severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms
and pregnancy test kits.
$4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.
21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to,"
replaces, "I'm never going drink that much again."
23. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You don't drink at home to save money
before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list
looking for one sign that doesn't apply to you!
You might be a Redneck If:
You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance
restrictions. Your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise. You
have more carpet on your toilet than on your floors. Your dad walks you to
school because your in the same grade. You've ever been too drunk to fish.
There are a lot of folks that can't understand how the Americans ran out of
oil recently. Well, here's the answer: It's simple........nobody bothered
to check the oil! They didn't know they were getting low. And of course the
reason for that is geographical. All the oil is in Texas, Oklahoma,
and Alaska, and all the dipsticks are in Washington D.C.
Everything I Need to Know I Learned From My Dog
- Never pass up the
opportunity to go for a joy ride.
- Allow the experience of fresh air
and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
- When loved ones
come home, always run to greet them.
- When it's in your best interest,
- Let others know when they've invaded your
- Take naps and stretch before rising.
- Run, romp,
and play daily.
- Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
- Never pretend to be something you're not.
- If what you
want lies buried, dig until you find it.
- When someone is having a bad
day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.
on attention and let people touch you.
- Avoid biting when a simple
growl will do.
- On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady
- When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire
- No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the
guilt thing and pout .... run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
My high-school Spanish was what one would call a "colorful character." She
was always doing something outrageous. She was one of those unfortunate
teachers who "traveled," meaning that she went from one school to another
during the day.
Our Spanish teacher went to three schools in one day.
The three schools were football rivals. On football game days, our teacher
would show up at our school wearing the colors of the opposing
school's team. When we'd point this out to her, she'd shrug and say she
hadn't noticed what colors she was wearing.
Finally, one of our
students mentioned this to a student at one of the rival schools. It seems
that she did the same thing at the other schools too! On her trips between
schools, our teacher would stop somewhere and change her clothes on purpose,
just to stir us up! It worked too. What a character!
& now your at the end of the letter, I hope that you enjoyed
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