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Dog Commandments

Thou shalt not act half starved whenever thou watchest me eat.

`Thou shalt not lift thy leg to water the Christmas tree.

Thou shalt not roll in any smelly stuff thy findeth in the yard.

Thou shalt not lie down next to me and commence making
 licking and popping noises.

Thou shalt not dig up my favorite rose bush.

Thou shalt not treat my shoes as if they were thy chew toy.

Thou shalt not drink out of the toilet.

Thou shalt keep thy nose out of the cat's litter box.

Thou shalt not WATCHEST the cat while she is in her litterbox.
      (she liketh her privacy)

Thou shalt not pass gas in my presence and then walk away as if thou 
hast been offended by me!

Thou shalt not run away in pursuit of a good time. (thou hast been neutered)

Thou shalt refrain from coughing and gagging while we have company.

Thou shalt not hide thy bones under my pillow.  

Thou shalt not sniff the crotch of everyone thy encountereth.

Thou shalt not sneak up on me and lick me in the
 mouth while I am sleeping.

Thou shalt not harmonize with the cat at 3 a.m.     

Thou shalt refrain with becoming overly friendly 
with my mother-in-law's leg.

no! no! bad dog!

Don't smell crotches, don't eat plants.
Don't steal food or underpants.
Don't eat my socks, don't grab my hair!
Don't rip the stuffing from the chair.
Don't chew my shoes, what is this mush?
Eat your cookies, drink your drink,
Outta the toilet! Outta the sink!
Away from the litterbox, it's for the cat.
(And must you kiss me after that!?)
Raising a puppy is not for the lazy,
Those rugrats are funny but also quite crazy.
Don't despair through the toil and the strife,
Cause after three years, you'll get back your life.
So let's go for walkies so you can do your "thing."
And maybe I'll get back my good diamond ring!

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